perseverance, and determination can often be just as healing and powerful as any medication.
Two of my most formative experiences during high school have been the Intel International
Science and Engineering Fair, in which I participated in 2010 and 2011, and the Research Science
Institute summer program, which I attended in 2011. The first time I attended the International Science
and Engineering Fair (ISEF), I was blown away by the sheer magnitude of the event. Students from all
corners
of the globe, in a gigantic convention hall, and science projects as varied and diverse as the
young scientists presenting them: everything from a miniature nuclear reactor to an eco-friendly
design for a green roof. I was enthralled to find myself in the presence of high schoolers like me who
wished to learn more and explore the world around them. This feeling continued when I was chosen
to participate in the Research Science Institute (RSI) this summer, where I conducted research on
gastric cancer development at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center while meeting some of the
brightest science and mathematics students from all over the world. Some of my fondest memories
are those of talking for hours on end with the other RSI students about our research and scientific
interests, even gaining new ideas and ways of thinking and problem solving. These interactions made
a lasting impression that will remain with me all my life.
The friends I made during my two years competing at ISEF and during
the summer I spent at the
RSI have stayed with me ever since, and I know that it is this group of students that will always strive
to pursue the miracle cures, solve the food and water shortages in developing countries, help clean up
our environment, and answer the most fundamental questions regarding our universe. I am honored
and privileged to count myself as one of them. I have been fortunate to pursue many adventures in
science, from the laboratory to the classroom to the community, but I have always loved more than
anything else the feeling that I know I share with those who participated in the Solvay Conference: the
atmosphere of being with peers who share the same passions as I do,
pursue similar goals, and
delight in the pleasure of learning. I can only dream of continuing this wonderful intellectual
experience in my college studies, and in my journey through life.
REVIEW
Sidartha set out to write a beautifully constructed essay—a four-paragraph completed cycle, with a
captivating introductory paragraph and a beautiful conclusion that ties the whole thing neatly together.
By reflecting on the collaborative nature of science, Sidartha inspires the reader to understand why
science is so important to him; why his list of accomplishments is only because he is in love with the
subject.
And while he opens strong, Sidartha loses quality in the second paragraph. Though he tries to
insert some personality into a list of accomplishments, he’s not tricking anyone. The 112-word
paragraph adds very little that isn’t included in
other parts of his application, and bogs down an essay
that has no need for it.
Sidartha gets back on track in his third paragraph, which also details his accomplishments, but with
a focus on their effect on him. These “formative experiences” are the highlight of his essay, and what
he should have focused on. When he focuses on himself as a person, rather than his accomplishments,
Sidartha is successful.
Sidartha’s mentions of the friends he has made while competing also serve to humanize an essay
that otherwise focuses on accomplishments. This interaction with other students and scientists is
interesting and unique, and complements the rest of his application perfectly.
Drawing the focus to
this, rather than the accomplishments themselves, would have made for a much better essay.
—Sara Kantor