Games People Play

Thesis
: They can't push me around. 
Aim
: Vindication. 
Roles
: Standfast, Persecutor, Authority. 
Dynamics
: Anal passivity. 
Examples
: (1) Child dressing. (2) Spouse bucking for divorce. 
Social Paradigm
: Adult-Adult. 
Adult: "It's time to (get dressed) (go to a psychiatrist)." 
Adult: "All right, I'll try it." Psychological Paradigm: Parent-Child. 
Parent: "I'm going to make you (get dressed) (go to a psychiatrist)." 
Child: "See, it doesn't work." 
Moves
: (1) Suggestion-Resistance. (2) Pressure-Compliance. (3) Approval-Failure. 
Advantages
: (1) Internal Psychological—freedom from guilt for aggression. (2) External 
Psychological—evades domestic responsibilities. (3) Internal Social—Look how hard I've tried. (4) 
External Social—same. (5) Biological —belligerent exchanges. (6) Existential—I am helpless 
(blameless). 
7 SWEETHEART 
Thesis
. This is seen in its fullest flower in the early stages of marital group therapy, when the 
parties feel defensive; it can also be observed on social occasions. White makes a subtly derogatory 
remark about Mrs. White, disguised as an anecdote, and ends: "Isn't that right, sweetheart?" Mrs. 
White tends to agree for two ostensibly Adult reasons: (a) because the anecdote itself is, in the main, 
accurately reported, and to disagree about what is presented as a peripheral detail (but is really the 
essential point of the transaction) would seem pedantic; (b) because it would seem surly to disagree 
with a man who calls one "sweetheart" in public. The psychological reason for her agreement, 
however, is her depressive position. She married him precisely because she knew he would perform 
this service for her: exposing her deficiencies and thus saving her from the embarrassment of 
having to expose them herself. Her parents accommodated her the same way when she was little. 
Next to "Courtroom," this is the most common game played in marital groups. The more tense the 
situation, and the closer the game is to exposure, the more bitterly is the word "sweetheart" 
enunciated, until the underlying resentment becomes obvious. On careful consideration it can be 
seen that this is a relative of "Schlemiel," since the significant move is Mrs. White's implicit 
forgiveness for White's resentment, of which she is trying hard not to be aware. Hence anti-
"Sweetheart" is played analogously to anti-"Schlemiel": "You can tell derogatory anecdotes about 
me, but please don't call me 'sweetheart'" This antithesis carries with it the same perils as does anti-
"Schlemiel." A more sophisticated and less dangerous antithesis is to reply: "Yes, honey!" 
In another form the wife, instead of agreeing, responds with a similar "Sweetheart" type anecdote 
about the husband, saying in effect, "You have a dirty face too, dear." 
Sometimes the endearments are not actually pronounced, but a careful listener can hear them even 
when they are unspoken. This is "Sweetheart," Silent Type. 
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REFERENCE 
1. Bateson, G., et al. "Toward a Theory of Schizophrenia." Behavioral Science. 1: 251-264, 1956.