Games People Play

Antithesis
. It is evident that those who respond to White's first move, the presentation of her 
"problem," are playing a form of "I'm Only Trying to Help You" (ITHY). In fact YDYB is the 
inverse of ITHY. In ITHY there is one therapist and many clients: in YDYB one client and many 
"therapists." The clinical antithesis to YDYB, therefore, is not to play ITHY. If the opening is of 
the form: "What do you do if . . ." (WYDI), a suggested response is: "That is a difficult problem. 
What are you going to do about it?" If it is of the form: "X didn't work out properly," the response 
then should be "That is too bad." Both of these are polite enough to leave White at a loss, or at least 
to elicit a crossed transaction, so that his frustration becomes manifest and can then be explored. In 
a therapy group it is good practice for susceptible patients to refrain from playing ITHY when 
invited. Then not only White, but the other members as well, can learn from anti-YDYB, which is 
merely the other side of anti-ITHY. 
In a social situation, if the game is friendly and harmless, there is no reason not to participate. If it 
is an attempt to exploit professional knowledge, an antithetical move may be required; but in such 
situations this arouses resentment because of the exposure of White's Child. The best policy under 
those circumstances is to flee from the opening move and look for a stimulating game of first-
degree "Rapo." 
Relatives
. "Why Don't You—Yes But" must be distinguished from its obverse, "Why Did You—
No But" (YDNB), in which it is the Parent who wins and the defensive Child who eventually 
retires in confusion, although again the bare transcript may sound factual, rational and Adult to 
Adult. YDNB is closely related to "Furthermore." 
The reverse of YDYB at first resembles "Peasant." Here White seduces the therapist into giving her 
suggestions which she immediately accepts, rather than rejects. Only after he is deeply involved 
does he perceive that White is aiming on him. What looked like "Peasant" ends up as a game of 
intellectual "Rapo." The classical version of this is the switch from positive to negative transference 
in the course of orthodox psychoanalysis. 
YDYB may also be played in a second-degree hard form as "Do Me Something." The patient 
refuses to do the housework, for example, and there is a game of YDYB every evening when the 
husband returns home. But no matter what he says, she sullenly refuses to change her ways. In 
some cases the sullenness may be malignant and require careful psychiatric evaluation. The game 
aspect must be considered as well, however, since it raises the question of why the husband 
selected such a spouse, and how he contributes to maintaining the situation. 
ANALYSIS