Guide to Informed Choices
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they raising their
child?
Could God work His plans through adoption? When I met the couple I had selected to parent my child, I experienced a certainty that is difficult to describe. Despite my pain, I knew that God had a plan for my child, and that this couple was part of His plan.
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—From Ashley‘s Story, a testimonial on Bethany Christian Services website
he greatest gift you can give your child is a chance at life. The second greatest gift is a good upbringing. If you do not think you can do that, consider these situations and how adoption seemed to fit perfectly in God‘s plan for making things work out in the end:
oming From the Light, there are several adoption Prebirth Experiences that provide a difference perspective on adoption. 1112
Sally tells her story of how through prayer and meditation she was led to know the steps to take to find this child she knew she was meant to adopt. Upon receiving the child the hospital midwife really felt ―it was divine intervention, no doubt about it.‖ 1113
Cheryl also had a similar experience when she chose to adopt. Unlike past attempts, everything went smoothly and later the social worker said, ―You really shouldn‘t be getting this child. You haven‘t waited very long, but for some reason your file kept coming to the top each morning. At first I thought it was a mistake, but when it happened again, I felt impressed to call you.‖ 1114
Dorothy tells how she was led to adoption and how a dream from her sister later confirmed this. In the dream her stepfather said, ―Tyler is a great spirit and was my good friend in the spirit world. When he found out his birth mother wanted to give him up for adoption, I asked if he would come to our family. Tyler agreed.‖ 1115
Betty Eadie, who is famously known for her Near Death Experience, shared the story of how her adopted daughter came to her and how she recognized this soul A T
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as the same one she had seen in the heaven-world. It was planned, all along, that she would receive this child. 1116
In the 1970s a psychologist named Helen Wambach hypnotized 750 people and asked questions about their life. 1117
they were meant to be with their adoptive parents and had indeed chosen the adoption beforehand as a way to be with their adoptive parents, even though they couldn‘t be born to them directly. Wambach
decided, ―Chance
and accident apparently played no part in the adoption of my subjects.‖ 1118
If this interests you o some more research. Get some adoption counseling if you like. Above all, don‘t be pressured into anything. Just because you are broke and single doesn‘t mean you should give your child to a rich family who has everything. You can still provide the most important thing — love. Besides, where there‘s a will there‘s a way. On the other hand, that might seem like the perfect family for your beloved child. Do what feels right to you. It‘s just another option.
Reason #82 ―Adoption is another life-giving option‖
Reason #83 The father might regret it too
Guys are affected by the decision also I remember that night when we were in bed; he put his hand on my tummy and he cried, because he didn‘t want me to have the abortion… I expected him to come crawling after me and keep pursuing me; that‘s what I wanted. But it never occurred to me then that he just couldn‘t look me in the eyes, knowing what I had done to his child.
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—Donna, Aborted
Women
ow many of you think that guys would not have any feelings about an abortion? It‘s not their body, so they wouldn‘t know, right? But it‘s not quite that simple. If you think, what‘s a baby? It‘s a product of two people, right? And one of them is a guy. In this section I want to look at an unusual reason not to have an abortion — and that is, it could have a negative impact not only on you (rest of the book) but on him. Okay, if you got pregnant by a loser, you probably don‘t D H
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care, but give me room and let me explain this. The very fact that you‘re reading this Reason right now means you do care, at least a little. Whether the guy is a jerk or a hero, or somewhere in between, shouldn‘t we spare at least a thought or two for him? I don‘t think I‘d like to be a guy. No, it‘s not fair. As a society we complain when guys don‘t get involved with the child they fathered, but then we deny them any rights to protect the life of that child. We hold guys responsible for getting us pregnant but don‘t give them any say in the outcome. Think about it — guys have basically NO reproductive rights! If they become a father they still have no legal say in whether or not their child is aborted… How incredibly frustrating would that be? Apparently, it can be painful too. Scott Miller is one counselor who works with men after abortions (yes, such things do exist). I was able to interview him and one of the questions I asked him was, ―Do men regret abortion?‖ ―Of all of the post abortive men I have talked to, there has only been one who said he did not regret it and his child was lost to abortion only about one month earlier. The others have all expressed regret. At memorial services I have conducted I have seen men break down and cry. I know of one man who committed suicide after his wife aborted and another who committed suicide after his girlfriend aborted.‖
Confessions from pro-choice literature ―It never occurred to me that he was upset that I was having this abortion. It never, never occurred to me.‖ 1120
men? think for women in general we tend to get upset and emotional about things, whereas guys tend to get more angry and close off. In abortion, for example, you might not see him wanting to ―share his feelings‖ about it, but he still might have feelings about the matter. When I interviewed someone (the other person I know) who works with post- abortion men, he confirmed my hunch. I asked Jason Baier from Fatherhood Forever why we don‘t hear about abortion affecting men. This is his response: ―This is a tough question as there are no definitive answers. However, there are three main ideas as to why: ―One idea is that men don‘t like to express their emotions, so they never talk about it. ―Another idea is that the pro- abortionists have brainwashed our society I
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into believing that abortion is only a woman‘s issue. Yet it‘s future women AND men that are getting aborted. For every abortion, a man has lost a child. It‘s NOT just a woman‘s issue… it‘s a human issue. I even once had a pro-life woman tell me that abortion was a woman‘s issue and that men should stay out of it! This brainwashing has led men to feel they have no right or place to talk about abortion. ―The third idea is that women‘s bodies are directly affected by pregnancy and abortion. All men do is ―plant the seed.‖ We don‘t carry for 9 months, so why should we even care.‖
In general men experience much the same emotions as women, including anger, low self-esteem, confusion and guilt. However, Jason adds, ―These symptoms can lead to very destructive behaviors:
insomnia/nightmares
promiscuity or impotence
isolation and avoidance
lack of trust towards women
attention deficit
risk taking
substance abuse
suicide and even homicide‖
This is, clearly, not just a women‘s issue that affects just women.
Story 1- told her he wanted an abortion et‘s explore the ways guys are involved in abortion through their stories. In the first story the guy told his girl to get an abortion.
As I reached my teen years and into my early twenties, I was always looking for a relationship that would eventually lead to sex. One girl I dated got pregnant when she was 17 and I was 20 years old. She came from a fatherless home and had a mom who worked often. She wanted very much to start a family and I just wanted to keep things the way they were. So I told her that I wanted her to have an abortion, but the decision was ultimately "up to her." Well, she ended up having the abortion because she had no one she could turn to. At times I can't imagine what kind of a monster I must have looked like to her. Predictably our relationship went downhill from there and I have not seen her in 12 years. I came to know Jesus a year and a half before I got married 3 years ago, and my wife and I had our first child July 21, 2006. It took the birth of our daughter for me to fully understand the horrible decision I made 13 years ago. I have mourned for that lost child heavily and have since been working with a local pregnancy crisis center to help other men heal. Praise be to God and his L
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son Jesus Christ. 1121
Story 2 –no responsibility then some responsibility n the second story the guy wanted to escape responsibility for the first pregnancy, but hoped to do the right thing for the second one.
My story begins at 16 when I heard that first "I'm pregnant" from my girlfriend. I can remember being scared and a little confused about how it all happened. I asked all of the questions like, "I thought you were protected," and anything else I could think of to say, rather than taking responsibility for my actions. …I wanted it all to go away. …I don't remember thinking a whole lot about the abortion. In my busy, important life as a teenager, sex, drugs, and rock and roll took over with a steady diet of Pink Floyd and others. It didn't take long for this lifestyle to catch up with me; I got myself in the same situation with another girlfriend. I remember thinking, Okay, this time I will be a man and take care of this baby. I know I'm only 17, but I'll be 18 real soon and out of high school. I know I can work hard and make it work out this time. When we had the sit-down talk with my girlfriend's dad, he proceeded to tell me I wasn't ready for the responsibility of raising a child. After all, I was still in high school and I had no job stability. He continued for some time, but all I heard after that was, you are not good enough, you're a loser. What kind of idiot would get my daughter pregnant anyway? I can't believe I even let my daughter go out with you the way you look, you longhaired loser. The result of that conversation was the decision by her parents for the abortion of Zachary Allen — who would be following his older brother's lead in the life I didn't fight for. That day ripped my gut out and closed my heart.
―That day ripped my gut out and closed my heart‖
My role in two abortions has been long- lasting. I can tell you that the mental and emotional effects on a man are real and devastating. I really don't let anyone get close to me because I don't want to let them down. I've had a divorce, no current relationship with my two living sons, countless unfinished projects, and several jobs left before true success — mainly because I never felt I deserved it… 1122
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Story 3 – he neither supported nor opposed it
n the third story, she suggested abortion and he agreed.
My nightmare started not when my girlfriend let me know that she was pregnant as a result of our sexual intimacy, but when she suggested that an abortion would be a reasonable solution to our dilemma. Yes, we were in a tough spot. I had recently dropped out of college and was finding it difficult to cope with my parent‘s recent divorce. Alcohol had become my closest friend, and I was certainly not a suitable candidate for fatherhood by outward appearances. Besides, I had no faith in a God of any usefulness who would and could see me through this. Her suggestion stunned me. I did not know what an abortion was. All I thought was that in some strange way it would make the situation okay. I did not know she was going to have our child killed by the suction of a vacuum. Nobody told me that. They just said they were going to abort the fetus and that it was in my best interests. Again, I did not know what they were going to do. I did not find out what they did until 16 years later when a Crisis Pregnancy worker in a presentation at a class in seminary explained what they did. I felt shocked and guilty and sad. I had done this to my girlfriend. I couldn't believe it. That explained why I felt afraid to get close to people; they might find out I was a part of killing my own child because of my sexual immorality and irresponsibility. That explained why I was driven to religiosity to cover up my feelings of guilt and shame. That explained why I could not get close to a female for sixteen years, I did not want to awaken the pain of my guilt, grief, shame and loss.
―The word abortion made me angry and I did not want to talk about it‖
That explained why I avoided my brothers and sisters and their children. I did not want to be reminded of the fact that I had thought it would be reasonable to let my child and their living children convict me of my mistake. That explained why I took jobs that nobody else wanted; I did not think I deserved anything else after what I had unconsciously been involved in. That was why the word abortion made me angry, and I did not want to talk about it after it occurred. I suffered for years from I
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emotional turmoil from an event that legally I had no say in. The fact is that spiritually today I have a lot to say. I can say the child is mine, which it was, and ask for forgiveness. I can make amends to the woman, which I did, by apologizing to her for the situation I got us involved in. I can make amends to the child, which I did, by holding a memorial service for her in her honor and by publicly apologizing to her via letter for what I did. As well, I can make amends to God, which I did, by adopting another one of His children and taking responsibility for her. There is a way out of the emotional turmoil that comes in the wake of fathering a child and losing that child to abortion. These are some of the steps I have taken and my God has honored those steps with more peace of mind and contentment. 1123
Story 4 – he didn‘t know anything about it n the fourth story she had an abortion without his knowledge.
My name is MW, I stumbled across your website in a search for some relief to my depression. You see, one year ago my girlfriend of more than a year came to me and said she wanted to start a family. It was something we both wanted, very much so. ….Well, four months go by and with every doctor‘s visit I get more excited, seeing the ultrasound was amazing. I talked to our baby girl every day and kissed her and my girlfriend every night before I left for work and when I returned. I was so excited about all, of it and so was she, after all it was her decision to have a baby. Later in the pregnancy she started hiding her feelings from me...behind my back she had gone to a family planning agency to set up an appointment for an abortion. My first clue was the phone call on Friday April 21 from Jen.... she was crying, asking me to come pick her up. She should have been at school...I said I would be right there. Then the worst, she said she was at the Abortion Clinic in Detroit some 90 minutes away. At the last minute she backed out. On the way home we discussed it for almost 9 hours, and we both were happy she did not follow through. We made plans for the next day to go out, just the two of us, to get back to why we were together in the first place and why we planned on having a family. That night I went to work and as soon as I got home called her at home. I asked why she had not been at my house, she said she could not leave her house. I knew something was wrong...on Saturday April 22 my 5 and a half month unborn baby girl...... Caitlin Jordan......was dead. Our relationship, to say the least, was I
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over. Through all the pain and betrayal I stayed with her as much as I could. I can forgive, I just can't forget. We stayed together on and off again for the next 6 months but it was over that day back in April.
day, the woman, the child, and myself‖
From that day I have been looking for answers to why this could happen... I know I am just killing myself slowly but, all I ever loved died that day, the woman, the child, and myself…I was completely helpless to stop my daughter‘s death, and the law allows it. What about my rights as a father? What about my unborn daughter‘s right to live and have the same chances as anyone who is reading this letter right now…? How can the government take away mine and my child‘s rights but give full autonomy of choice to the woman? We need to change the laws surrounding abortion, not so much as to repeal it but that you must have both parents‘ consent to abort; at least that way my rights are upheld also. An even sadder end to [this] sad story is that she cannot even function without abusing alcohol, drugs, and her own body Yüklə 4,63 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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