Guide to Informed Choices
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now because
I‘m pregnant.‖
or family member with you when you break the news.
explaining everything. You could give this to your parents in person or leave it where they will find it. They will really appreciate knowing what‘s going on in your life.
If you really feel like all those are too difficult try getting a friend of your parents to tell them first.
Let them have some time to process the news. They could get mad for a bit. After a few days they should cool down a bit. Once it settles in they will probably offer to help.
Things to remember: 1.
They will get over it. They are your parents. They love you for who you are, not what you do or did.
2. They may ask you what you want to do . What DO you want to do? Make sure that whatever you do, you don‘t compromise yourself for the sake of avoiding one argument. What is that compared to possibly regretting this your whole life? You are not alone. 3.
They might have preconceived ideas about what is best for you. If they don‘t think it is possible to keep the baby, have them read Reason #19: There are practical options to make things work for you
, or call up some pregnancy centers to see just how much help is available.
Ways they could help: Can you live at home with your baby? Are they in a position to support you financially or provide free room and board?
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Can you learn some parenting tricks from your mom or a female relative? Is there someone at home who might be a good male role model for your baby if you're a single mom? Can anyone help with occasional baby minding? Anything else? Don't forget that you can also ask help from many other family members, including grandparents, aunts or uncles, older siblings, cousins, and of course friends, who are often as close as family. Ask for help! You never really know until you do.
Ask your boyfriend to stand by you How will you tell the child‘s father? Use the same hints for telling your parents. Remember? Find a good time, a prepared statement, a letter, a friend with you, or ask a friend to speak for you. If you‘re young you might choose to ask either or both of your parents to join you as make an action plan.
Depending on the situation you may be very close to the child‘s father or not at all. I know, because I‘ve heard stories of some tricky situations out there! You might want to talk about where the relationship is going. Do you see yourselves staying together (or getting together), getting engaged, marrying or splitting up? Are you ready to take a step forward at this time? How will he support you? If he fathered your child he does have a financial obligation, and there are ways you can file for that. (See Reason #19
for info on paternity tests.) If you are in a relationship where your boyfriend threatens to leave you if you don‘t get an abortion, then you need to be aware that: a) Even though it's financially easier for him to just pay for an abortion he may be required by law to pay child support. b) Some girls abort but then find the relationship breaks up over it anyway, and they are left with a choice they never wanted (see also Reason #75 for examples of this). Above all, make sure you are happy with your decision and do ask for help, because you won‘t know for sure how he‘ll respond till you do.
If you‘re interested in how abortion affects guys, turn to Reason #83: The father might regret it too .
What if they reject me and I have no place to go? hat if you family or boyfriend isn‘t able or willing to stand by you? You're still not alone! There are many types of agencies that are willing and able to offer free services. These include government agencies and
pregnancy centers. While both are equally W
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good, a pregnancy center generally has a more centralized resource base and more free time to chat. They are a combination of volunteer organization, charity and a social service, and their great joy in life is to help pregnant moms who have nowhere else to go. Of course, you don‘t need to be in dire straits to call them. Anyone of any age, race, background or circumstance can give them a call and see what they do. You can also email or visit in person. There are many differences and many similarities in these pregnancy centers. Most are staffed by trained volunteers. Most
can refer
you to
a wide range of services, including temporary accommodation, job help, information on finishing high school, help with baby supplies, child support and parenting skills and just friendship. There is a lot they offer. These places are all run differently, by different groups and churches and have different types of services. All provide someone to talk to, a volunteer who can listen to your story and put you in touch with somewhere to stay, food and all those essentials — if it comes down to that. One great place to start is Option Line. I think they‘re great, because they are available to answer your calls 24/7. Their number is 1-800-395-HELP and their website, which has their chat line, can be reached at www.pregnancycenters.org. You can also go to the website and type in your zip code to find a pregnancy center in your area. If one door shuts, others will open. There are caring people out there, who would love to welcome you with open arms and give you the best opportunity to succeed as a parent. Remember also to read Reason #19: There are practical options to make things work for you ,
section at the end of this book .
Reason #38 ―Ask for help and you won‘t be alone anymore‖
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Reason #39 Some things in life are wrong
Things in life are either right or wrong
It is not immoral to choose abortion; it is simply another kind of morality, a pagan one. It is time to stop being defensive about it. 425
—The Sacrament of Abortion
n today‘s modern society words like ―morals,‖ ―right and wrong‖ and ―Truth‖ have become unfashionable. There seems to be this really weird idea floating around that, somehow, the only morality that has ever existed is the one that you decide upon — the one that is ―right for you.‖ This is certainly what abortion clinics push. ―You want to choose what‘s right for you.‖ 426
It‘s always you — not your growing baby or the total good, but you.
Now, choosing if something is right for you works wonderfully in many situations — buying some jeans, getting a new hairstyle, or trying to pick your favorite variety of ice cream. That‘s tough, isn‘t it? But life and death issues are a very different ball game. There is
such a thing as right and wrong — and consequences to go along with it (sorry if I just broke anyone‘s bubble, but I think you want to know this). In such matters we need to be very clear. Is there such a thing as a neutral life and death decision? I believe in these matters we are either absolutely wrong or absolutely right — there is no such thing as ―a little bit wrong‖ or ―just a little bit dead.‖ This idea of moral relativism says that what is right for one person is not necessarily right for another. But it‘s unsupportable! Taking that position I could then say, shoplifting is not right for me but for other people it could be the right decision. It‘s wrong for some people to sell drugs, I could say, but it‘s okay for some people. This kind of thinking would get society into a lot of trouble!
Quotable Quote ―Right is right, even if everyone is against it, and wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it.‖ -William Penn, one of America‘s founding fathers
I have to say, if nothing is right or wrong, then it‘s an awfully confusing world out there. We might as well just eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die. There I
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is no real right or wrong. No moral standard, no principles. No conscience. No higher law. No God. No purpose except pleasure and milking all you can get out of life. Unfortunately, some people do this.
The possibility that I may be wrong… Isn‘t it better to be possibly wrong on the side of giving life a chance instead of possibly wrong on the side of taking life? The PRO-CHOICE crowd says that legalized abortion empowers women and that it should be "safe, legal and rare." My question is: If abortion is such an empowering experience for women, why should it be rare? —Pro-Life Action Cards, Life Dynamics
f abortion is right, then it is always right:
…For any reason …For any pregnancy …At any point …With no conscience pangs whatsoever
But if you disagree with me, then why? What is your viewpoint? I find it interesting that some pro-choice sources even suggest that some abortions may be undesirable — but why ? A female abortionist says: ―When women told me they were so ashamed of returning to my clinic for another abortion, I would ask them if they got pregnant on purpose just to have an abortion. It made them laugh, but really, that's the only reason for a woman to feel guilty.‖
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Why? Why should women feel guilt about getting pregnant just to have an abortion? Is there anything morally wrong with abortion that it should be restricted or rationed out to women? How does a woman getting pregnant on purpose change what happens in an abortion? Is abortion wrong or is it a right? If it‘s a right that we are free to exercise, then why in the world would you want to limit that right? Yet some pro-choice books seem to suggest that there are occasions where abortion is not that desirable. For example, Abortion Practice slightly questions the case of a grown up, well educated, professional woman who wanted an abortion because it was the wrong sex. 428
Yet, if abortion is right for other reasons, what is wrong with this reason? Another case described, with less than full congratulations, is the case where a patient returns multiple times for repeat abortions. Staff are also said to have difficulty with I
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late abortions for no real reason. 429
Yet, again, if abortion is morally right once, what is wrong with it a second time? If it is right at one point of fetal development, what is wrong with another point of fetal development? (see Reason #13: At what point is it too late to abort? ) Another pro-choice source reports that ―During training a student may be faced with unexpected feelings or reactions.‖ One clinic found that the need for extra workshops on, ―their responses to patients‘ emotions, examining fetal tissue and …repeat unintended pregnancies.‖ 430 Why
would clinic employees or medical students in training to become abortionists, have difficulty with any of this if abortion is a human right (as some say)? WHAT IS WRONG with abortion?
Confessions from pro-choice literature ―If abortion is justifiable. why should it be rare?‖ 431
— Abortion Under Attack
A pro-choice book I have says that the counselors tried to help women find a type of contraception that they would use, and that when they saw the same women coming in repeatedly for an abortion, they often became burned out. 432
But why were the counselors burned out? The assumption is that something is not good about repeat abortions. What is it? If abortion is a right, then late abortions, abortions for the wrong sex, or even a fleeting change of mind over having kids are to be championed and outright celebrated. In fact, why do we have to use contraception, anyway? Why should we frown on someone‘s 8 th abortion? Isn‘t contraception just a bother — I mean, if abortion is so safe and if there is nothing immoral about it? After all, it‘s our choice, we‘re told, and what other basic, inalienable rights should we limit? Speech? Free Assembly? Freedom of religion? 433 It
doesn‘t quite make sense. If abortion is right, then it must be good in these situations too — there are no two ways about it. If abortion is such a safe and sinless experience, why should women seek to avoid repeating the experience?
Reason #39 If things are right or wrong — which is abortion?
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Reason #40 Are you getting an abortion for someone else?
ane did not choose abortion. When I finally told my mother, she didn't discuss any options with me or give me any choices. She put me in the car and took me to an abortion clinic.
Tena did not choose abortion. I remember wanting children as long as I can remember. As a young girl I would pretend I was pregnant and dream of what I would name my baby and how much I would love her. At the age of fifteen I found out I was pregnant. I was told by a boy at school but did not believe him. Only after I passed out and was taken to the doctor did I believe I was pregnant. I did not tell my parents, for fear they wouldn't let me keep the baby. Somehow they found out. 28 years later I learned that the principal at my Christian school had called my dad to tell him I wouldn't be allowed back if I had a baby. My dad woke me very early the next morning and told me I that was going in to the hospital for an abortion. He never discussed the decision with me. I remember trying to talk to him, and he said we would not discuss it.
Kayla did not choose abortion. When my mother found out, she was all, ―You don‘t know what you have done. I don‘t know why you are happy about this, because this is the worst thing that you could have done.‖ Then told me she was going to be the one to decide on the abortion or not — which, as you all have figured out, she decided on the abortion... …I had to talk to a counselor before I went in, but it was hard to talk with my mother right there in the room with me the whole time.
I told her that it wasn't my decision. But when she asked what I thought about it my mother gave me the "look of death" so all I could say was "It's the only thing I can do, so I guess I have to do it" and left the room. ...I still can't look at the sonogram, which gets me sad because I want to. I want to look at my baby. But it gets me sad. There are just a lot of things that get to me now. I have also started back a really old habit. I hate to say. I cut again. I used to when I was in middle school and went through intensive therapy to stop. I can't help it though. I really can't, and I hate it when people get onto me for it. But what got me angry was that I tried everything to J
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get my mother not to push me into this. I tried using guilt, I tried explaining to her how I felt. But it didn‘t work. She had one between the time I was born and the time that my brother was born (when she was about 17-18), and she doesn‘t get that she got to keep her firstborn. I at least wanted that. If I already had a child and was pregnant again, I think I could at least somewhat understand why she made me have an abortion. But I don‘t understand it now, because that was my first child… her first grandchild… and it breaks my heart when I think about how my baby might have looked or acted.
Vicki did not choose abortion. One day when I came home from school she [mom] was standing in the driveway with the car running. Our conversation went something like: ―Get in the car.‖
―Why?‖
―We are going to the doctor.‖
―Why?‖ ―You‘re pregnant, aren‘t you?‖
―I think I might be.‖ She took me to the doctor immediately, and the test they took confirmed what I had been dreading… I was pregnant. Mom called my dad and he came home from work, which is something he never does. They had me call Chuck over, and we sat down to talk. I can honestly tell you that it got pretty ugly! In the end my parents let me know that they would be taking me to have an abortion.
Katelyn escaped the forced abortion attempt Katelyn, a 19-year-old from Maine, was kidnapped by her own parents! They didn‘t like her black boyfriend. Or her 20 week unborn child. They told her she had ―no choice‖ but to get an abortion. She said no. So they bound her hands and feet with rope, then forced her into their Lexus, threatening to kill her. Because Katelyn was 20 weeks along and close to being viable, which Maine laws wouldn‘t allow, they drove her to New York. During the trip Katelyn convinced her parents to let her use a bathroom in K-mart where she used a cell phone she had nicked from them to call 911. Police found her crying hysterically. The girl‘s parents were arrested when police found them driving around the car park looking for her. Police found a .22-caliber rifle, duct tape, rope and scissors in the vehicle, as well as extra ammunition on the man. The parents were arrested and charged with kidnapping and are being held on bail of $100,000 each. If convicted they could face anywhere from 7½ to 15 years prison time. 434
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