Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets By J. K. Rowling chapter one the Worst Birthday

INQUIRY AT THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC 
 
Arthur Weasley, Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office, was today fined fifty Galleons 
for bewitching a Muggle car. 
 
Mr. Lucius Malfoy, a governor of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where the 
enchanted car crashed earlier this year, called today for Mr. Weasley’s resignation. “Weasley 
has brought the Ministry into disrepute,” Mr. Malfoy told our reporter. “He is clearly unfit to 
draw up our laws and his ridiculous Muggle Protection Act should be scrapped immediately.” 
 
Mr. Weasley was unavailable for comment, although his wife told reporters to clear off or she’d 
set the family ghoul on them. 
“Well?” said Malfoy impatiently as Harry handed the clipping back to him. “Don’t you think it’s 
funny?” 
“Ha, ha,” said Harry bleakly. 
“Arthur Weasley loves Muggles so much he should snap his wand in half and go and join them,” 
said Malfoy scornfully. “You’d never know the Weasleys were pure-bloods, the way they 
behave.” 
Ron’s — or rather, Crabbe’s — face was contorted with fury. 
“What’s up with you, Crabbe?” snapped Malfoy. 
“Stomachache,” Ron grunted. 
“Well, go up to the hospital wing and give all those Mudbloods a kick from me,” said Malfoy, 
snickering. “You know, I’m surprised the Daily Prophet hasn’t reported all these attacks yet,” he 
went on thoughtfully. “I suppose Dumbledore’s trying to hush it all up. He’ll be sacked if it 
doesn’t stop soon. Father’s always said old Dumbledore’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to 
this place. He loves Muggle-borns. A decent headmaster would never’ve let slime like that 
Creevey in.” 
Malfoy started taking pictures with an imaginary camera and did a cruel but accurate impression 
of Colin: “‘Potter, can I have your picture, Potter? Can I have your autograph? Can I lick your 
shoes, please, Potter?”’ 
He dropped his hands and looked at Harry and Ron. 
“What’s the matter with you two?” 

---

Far too late, Harry and Ron forced themselves to laugh, but Malfoy seemed satisfied; perhaps 
Crabbe and Goyle were always slow on the uptake. 
“Saint Potter, the Mudbloods’ friend,” said Malfoy slowly. “He’s another one with no proper 
wizard feeling, or he wouldn’t go around with that jumped up Granger Mudblood. And people 
think he’s Slytherin’s heir!” 
Harry and Ron waited with bated breath: Malfoy was surely seconds away from telling them it 
was him — but then “I wish I knew who it is,” said Malfoy petulantly. “I could help them.” 
Ron’s jaw dropped so that Crabbe looked even more clueless than usual. Fortunately, Malfoy 
didn’t notice, and Harry, thinking fast, said, “You must have some idea who’s behind it all…” 
“You know I haven’t, Goyle, how many times do I have to tell you?” snapped Malfoy. “And 
Father won’t tell me anything about the last time the Chamber was opened either. Of course, it 
was fifty years ago, so it was before his time, but he knows all about it, and he says that it was all 
kept quiet and it’ll look suspicious if I know too much about it. But I know one thing — last time 
the Chamber of Secrets was opened, a Mudblood died. So I bet it’s a matter of time before one of 
them’s killed this time… I hope it’s Granger,” he said with relish. 
Ron was clenching Crabbe’s gigantic fists. Feeling that it would be a bit of a giveaway if Ron 
punched Malfoy, Harry shot him a warning look and said, “D’you know if the person who 
opened the Chamber last time was caught?” 
“Oh, yeah… whoever it was was expelled,” said Malfoy. “They’re probably still in Azkaban.” 
“Azkaban?” said Harry, puzzled. 
“Azkaban — the wizard prison, Goyle,” said Malfoy, looking at him in disbelief “Honestly, if 
you were any slower, you’d be going backward.” 
He shifted restlessly in his chair and said, “Father says to keep my head down and let the Heir of 
Slytherin get on with it. He says the school needs ridding of all the Mudblood filth, but not to get 
mixed up in it. Of course, he’s got a lot on his plate at the moment. You know the Ministry of 
Magic raided our manor last week?” 
Harry tried to force Goyle’s dull face into a look of concern. 
“Yeah…” said Malfoy. “Luckily, they didn’t find much. Father’s got some very valuable Dark 
Arts stuff. But luckily, we’ve got our own secret chamber under the drawing-room floor —” 
“Ho!” said Ron. 
Malfoy looked at him. So did Harry. Ron blushed. Even his hair was turning red. His nose was 
also slowly lengthening — their hour was up, Ron was turning back into himself, and from the 
look of horror he was suddenly giving Harry, he must be, too. 

---

They both jumped to their feet. 
“Medicine for my stomach,” Ron grunted, and without further ado they sprinted the length of the 
Slytherin common room, hurled themselves at the stone wall, and dashed up the passage, hoping 
against hope that Malfoy hadn’t noticed anything. Harry could feel his feet slipping around in 
Goyle’s huge shoes and had to hoist up his robes as he shrank; they crashed up the steps into the 
dark entrance hall, which was full of a muffled pounding coming from the closet where they’d 
locked Crabbe and Goyle. Leaving their shoes outside the closet door, they sprinted in their 
socks up the marble staircase toward Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom. 
“Well, it wasn’t a complete waste of time,” Ron panted, closing the bathroom door behind them. 
“I know we still haven’t found out who’s doing the attacks, but I’m going to write to Dad 
tomorrow and tell him to check under the Malfoys’ drawing room.” 
Harry checked his face in the cracked mirror. He was back to normal. He put his glasses on as 
Ron hammered on the door of Hermione’s stall. 
“Hermione, come out, we’ve got loads to tell you —” 
“Go away!” Hermione squeaked. 
Harry and Ron looked at each other. 
“What’s the matter?” said Ron. “You must be back to normal by now, we are.” 
But Moaning Myrtle glided suddenly through the stall door. Harry had never seen her looking so 
happy. 
“Ooooooh, wait till you see,” she said. “It’s awful —” 
They heard the lock slide back and Hermione emerged, sobbing, her robes pulled up over her 
head. 
“What’s up?” said Ron uncertainly. “Have you still got Millicent’s nose or something?” 
Hermione let her robes fall and Ron backed into the sink. 
Her face was covered in black fur. Her eyes had turned yellow and there were long, pointed ears 
poking through her hair. 
“It was a c-cat hair!” she howled. “M-Millicent Bulstrode m-must have a cat! And the p-potion 
isn’t supposed to be used for animal transformations!” 
“Uh-oh,” said Ron. 

---

“You’ll be teased something dreadful,” said Myrtle happily. 
“It’s okay, Hermione,” said Harry quickly. “We’ll take you up to the hospital wing. Madam 
Pomfrey never asks too many questions…” 
It took a long time to persuade Hermione to leave the bathroom. Moaning Myrtle sped them on 
their way with a hearty guffaw. “Wait till everyone finds out you’ve got a tail!”