Improve Your Communication Skills, 2nd Edition


• reply tit-for-tat to their remarks; or



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Improve Your Communication Skills Present with Confidence; Write with Style; Learn Skills of Persuasion ( PDFDrive )

• reply tit-for-tat to their remarks; or 
• encourage them to compete with you, 
How to cultivate ease
Find the time.
If the situation is urgent, postpone the 
conversation.
Make space.
A quiet space; a neutral space; a comfortable 
space.
Banish distractions.
Unplug the phones. Leave the 
building. Barricade the door.
( c) 2011 Kogan Page L imited, All Rights Reserved.


67 The Skills of Enquiry
– you aren’t encouraging them to develop their thinking. You’re 
not enquiring properly. 
Competitiveness is one of the worst enemies of 
encouragement. It’s easy to slip into a ritual of using the
speaker’s ideas to promote your own. It’s all part of the tradition 
of adversarial thinking that is so highly valued in Western 
society. 
If the speaker feels that you are competing with them in the 
conversation, they will limit not only what they say but also what 
they think. Competition forces people to think only those 
thoughts that will help them win. Similarly, if you feel that the 
speaker is trying to compete with you, don’t allow yourself to 
enter the competition. This is much harder to achieve. The 
Ladder of Inference (see Chapter 3) is one very powerful tool that 
will help you to defuse competitiveness in your conversations. 
Instead of competing, welcome the difference in your points 
of view. Encourage a positive acknowledgement that you see 
things differently and that you must deal with that difference if 
the conversation is to move forward. 
Minimal encouragers
Minimal encouragers are brief, supportive statements and 
actions that convey attention and understanding.
They can be:
• sub-vocalisations: ‘uh-huh’, ‘mm’;
• words and phrases: ‘right’, ‘really?’, ‘I see’;
• repeating key words.
Behaviours can include:
• leaning forward;
focusing eye contact;
• head-nodding.
( c) 2011 Kogan Page L imited, All Rights Reserved.



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