It Ends with Us

Out loud.
Maybe because he’s a neurosurgeon and I
never pictured someone so educated throwing around the word 
fuck
so
casually.
I gather myself . . . somewhat . . . and then say, “Okay. Since we’re on
the subject . . . the first guy I ever had sex with was homeless.”
He perks up and faces me. “Oh, I’m gonna need more of this story.”
I stretch my arm out and rest my head on it. “I grew up in Maine. We
lived in a fairly decent neighborhood, but the street behind our house
wasn’t in the best condition. Our backyard butted up to a condemned
house adjacent to two abandoned lots. I became friends with a guy named
Atlas who stayed in the condemned house. No one knew he was living
there other than me. I used to take him food and clothes and stuff. Until
my father found out.”
“What’d he do?”
My jaw tightens. I don’t know why I brought this up when I still force
myself not to think about it on a daily basis. “He beat him up.” That’s as
naked as I want to get about that subject. “Your turn.”
He regards me silently for a moment, as if he knows there’s more to
that story. But then he breaks eye contact. “The thought of marriage
repulses me,” he says. “I’m almost thirty years old and I have no desire for
a wife. I 
especially
don’t want children. The only thing I want out of life is
success. Lots of it. But if I admit that out loud to anyone, it makes me
sound arrogant.”
“Professional success? Or social status?”
He says, “Both. Anyone can have children. Anyone can get married. But
not everyone can be a neurosurgeon. I get a lot of pride out of that. And I
don’t just want to be a great neurosurgeon. I want to be the best in my
field.”
“You’re right. It does make you sound arrogant.”
He smiles. “My mother fears I’m wasting my life away because all I do is
work.”
“You’re a neurosurgeon and your mother is 
disappointed
in you?” I
laugh. “Good lord, that’s insane. Are parents ever really happy with their
children? Will they ever be good enough?”

---

He shakes his head. “My children wouldn’t be. Not many people have
the drive I do, so I’d only be setting them up for failure. That’s why I’ll
never have any.”
“I actually think that’s respectable, Ryle. A lot of people refuse to admit
they might be too selfish to have children.”
He shakes his head. “Oh, I’m 
way
too selfish to have children. And I’m
definitely way too selfish to be in a relationship.”
“So how do you avoid it? You just don’t date?”
He cuts his eyes to me, and there’s a slight grin affixed to his face.
“When I have time, there are girls who satisfy those needs. I don’t lack for
anything in that department, if that’s what you’re asking. But love has
never appealed to me. It’s always been more of a burden than anything.”
I wish I looked at love like that. It would make my life a hell of a lot
easier. “I envy you. I have this idea that there’s a perfect man out there for
me. I tend to become jaded easily, because no one ever meets my
standards. I feel like I’m on an infinite search for the Holy Grail.”
“You should try my method,” he says.
“Which is?”
“One-night stands.” He raises an eyebrow, like it’s an invitation.
I’m glad it’s dark, because my face is on fire. “I could never sleep with
someone if I didn’t see it going anywhere.” I say this out loud, but my
words lack conviction when I say it to him.
He drags in a long, slow breath, and then rolls onto his back. “Not that
kind of girl, huh?” He says this with a trace of disappointment in his voice.
I match his disappointment. I’m not sure I’d even want to turn him
down if he made a move, but I might have just thwarted that possibility.
“If you wouldn’t 
sleep
with someone you just met . . .” His eyes meet
mine again. “Exactly how far would you go?”
I don’t have an answer for that. I roll onto my back because the way he’s
looking at me makes me want to rethink one-night stands. I’m not
necessarily against them, I suppose. I’ve just never been propositioned for
one by someone I would consider it with.
Until now. I 
think
. Is he even propositioning me? I’ve always been
terrible at flirting.
He reaches out and grabs the edge of my lounge chair. In one swift
movement and with very minimal effort, he drags my chair closer to him
until it bumps his.

---

My whole body stiffens. He’s so close now, I can feel the warmth of his
breath cutting through the cold air. If I were to look at him, his face would
be mere inches from mine. I refuse to look at him, because he’d probably
kiss me and I know absolutely nothing about this guy, other than a couple
of naked truths. But that doesn’t weigh on my conscience at all when he
rests a heavy hand on my stomach.
“How far would you go, Lily?” His voice is decadent. Smooth. It travels
straight to my toes.
“I don’t know,” I whisper.
His fingers begin to crawl toward the hem of my shirt. He begins to
slowly inch it upward until a slither of my stomach is showing. “
Oh, Jesus
,” I
whisper, feeling the warmth from his hand as he slides it up my stomach.
Against my better judgment, I face him again and the look in his eyes
completely captivates me. He looks hopeful and hungry and completely
confident. He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip as his hand begins to
tease its way up my shirt. I know he can feel my heart thrashing around in
my chest. Hell, he can probably 
hear
it.
“Is this too far?” he asks.
I don’t know where this side of me is coming from, but I shake my head
and say, “Not even close.”
With a grin, his fingers brush the underneath of my bra, lightly trickling
over my skin that is now covered in chills.
As soon as my eyelids fall shut, the piercing of a ring rips through the
air. His hand stiffens when we both realize it’s a phone. 
His
phone.
He drops his forehead to my shoulder. “Dammit.”
I frown when his hand slips out from beneath my shirt. He fumbles in
his pocket for his phone, standing up and walking several feet away from
me to take the call.
“Dr. Kincaid,” he says. He listens intently, his hand gripping the back of
his neck. “What about Roberts? I’m not even supposed to be on call right
now.” More silence is followed with, “Yeah, give me ten minutes. On my
way.”
He ends the call and slides his phone back in his pocket. When he turns
to face me, he looks a little disappointed. He points to the door that leads
to the stairwell. “I have to . . .”
I nod. “It’s fine.”

---

He considers me for a moment, and then holds up a finger. “Don’t
move,” he says, reaching for his phone again. He walks closer and holds it
up as if he’s about to snap a picture of me. I almost object, but I don’t
even know why. I’m fully clothed. It just doesn’t feel that way for some
reason.
He snaps a picture of me lying in the lounge chair, my arms relaxed
above my head. I have no idea what he plans to do with that picture, but I
like that he took it. I like that he had the urge to remember what I look
like, even though he knows he’ll never see me again.
He stares at the photo on his screen for a few seconds and smiles. I’m
half-tempted to take a picture of him in return, but I’m not sure I want a
reminder of someone I’ll never see again. The thought of that is a little
depressing.
“It was nice meeting you, Lily Bloom. I hope you defy the odds of most
dreams and actually accomplish yours.”
I smile, equally saddened and confused by this guy. I’m not sure that
I’ve ever spent time with someone like him before—someone of a
completely different lifestyle and tax bracket. I probably never will again.
But I’m pleasantly surprised to see that we aren’t all that different.
Misconception confirmed.
He looks down at his feet for a moment as he stands in somewhat of an
unsure pose. It’s as if he’s suspended between the desire to say something
else to me and the need to leave. He glances at me one last time—this
time without so much of a poker face. I can see the disappointment in the
set of his mouth before he turns and walks in the other direction. He
opens the door and I can hear his footsteps fade as he rushes down the
stairwell. I’m alone on the rooftop once again, but to my surprise, I’m a
little saddened by that now.

---