Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

KEY LESSONS
Compared to the tools discussed in previous chapters, the
techniques here seem concrete and easy to use. But many
people shy away from them because they seem
manipulative. Something that bends your counterpart’s
reality must be cheating, right?
In response, let me just say that these tools are used by
all the best negotiators because they simply recognize the
human psyche as it is. We are emotional, irrational beasts
who are emotional and irrational in predictable, pattern-
filled ways. Using that knowledge is only, well, rational.
As you work these tools into your daily life, remember
the following powerful lessons:
■
All negotiations are defined by a network of
subterranean desires and needs. Don’t let
yourself be fooled by the surface. Once you

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know that the Haitian kidnappers just want party
money, you will be miles better prepared.
■
Splitting the difference is wearing one black and
one brown shoe, so don’t compromise. Meeting
halfway often leads to bad deals for both sides.
■
Approaching deadlines entice people to rush the
negotiating process and do impulsive things that
are against their best interests.
■
The F-word—“Fair”—is an emotional term
people usually exploit to put the other side on the
defensive and gain concessions. When your
counterpart drops the F-bomb, don’t get
suckered into a concession. Instead, ask them to
explain how you’re mistreating them.
■
You can bend your counterpart’s reality by
anchoring his starting point. Before you make an
offer, emotionally anchor them by saying how
bad it will be. When you get to numbers, set an
extreme anchor to make your “real” offer seem
reasonable, or use a range to seem less
aggressive. The real value of anything depends
on what vantage point you’re looking at it from.
■
People will take more risks to avoid a loss than
to realize a gain. Make sure your counterpart

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sees that there is something to lose by inaction.

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