Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

KEY LESSONS
Superstar negotiators—real rainmakers—know that a
negotiation is a playing field beneath the words, where
really getting to a good deal involves detecting and
manipulating subtle, nonobvious signals beneath the
surface. It is only by visualizing and modifying these
subsurface issues that you can craft a great deal and make

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sure that it is implemented.
As you put the following tools to use, remember this
chapter’s most important concept. That is, “Yes” is nothing
without “How.” Asking “How,” knowing “How,” and
defining “How” are all part of the effective negotiator’s
arsenal. He would be unarmed without them.
■
Ask calibrated “How” questions, and ask them
again and again. Asking “How” keeps your
counterparts engaged but off balance. Answering
the questions will give them the illusion of
control. It will also lead them to contemplate
your problems when making their demands.
■
Use “How” questions to shape the negotiating
environment. You do this by using “How can I
do that?” as a gentle version of “No.” This will
subtly push your counterpart to search for other
solutions—your solutions. And very often it will
get them to bid against themselves.
■
Don’t just pay attention to the people you’re
negotiating with directly; always identify the
motivations of the players “behind the table.”
You can do so by asking how a deal will affect
everybody else and how on board they are.
■
Follow the 7-38-55 Percent Rule by paying close
attention to tone of voice and body language.

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Incongruence between the words and nonverbal
signs will show when your counterpart is lying or
uncomfortable with a deal.
■
Is the “Yes” real or counterfeit? Test it with the
Rule of Three: use calibrated questions,
summaries, and labels to get your counterpart to
reaffirm their agreement at least three times. It’s
really hard to repeatedly lie or fake conviction.
■
A person’s use of pronouns offers deep insights
into his or her relative authority. If you’re
hearing a lot of “I,” “me,” and “my,” the real
power to decide probably lies elsewhere. Picking
up a lot of “we,” “they,” and “them,” it’s more
likely you’re dealing directly with a savvy
decision maker keeping his options open.
■
Use your own name to make yourself a real
person to the other side and even get your own
personal discount. Humor and humanity are the
best ways to break the ice and remove
roadblocks.

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