You can't go wrong if you leave everything at God ... I'm hungry." "Yoshiko is cooking some beans downstairs now." "Thanks. I like beans." He lay down on the floor, his hands tucked under his head. I said, "You don't seem to be very interested in crime." "That's right. I'm not a criminal like you. I may indulge myself with a little dissipation, hut I don't cause women to die, and I don't lift money from them either." The voice of a resistance weak but desperate spoke from somewhere in my heart. It said that I had not caused anyone to die, that I had not lifted money from anyone—but once again the ingrained habit of considering myself evil took command. It is quite impossible for me to contradict anyone to his face. I struggled with all my might to control the feelings which mounted more dangerously in me with each instant, the result of the depressing effects of the gin. Finally I muttered almost to myself, "Actions punishable by jail sentences are not the only crimes. If we knew the antonym of crime, I think we would know its true nature. God . . . salvation . . . love . . . light. But for God there is the antonym Satan, for salvation there is perdition, for love there is hate, for light there is darkness, for good, evil. Crime and prayer? Crime and repentance? Crime and confession? Crime and ... no, they're all synonymous. What is the opposite of crime?" "Well if you spell 'crime' backwards—no, that doesn't make sense. But the word does contain the letters r-i-c-e. Rice. I'm hungry. Bring me something to eat." "Why don't you go get it yourself?" My voice shook with a rage I had almost never before betrayed. "All right. I'll go downstairs, then Yoshiko and I will commit a crime together. Personal demonstration is
