had already become a fairly confirmed addict. (I am very susceptible to other people's suggestions. When people say to me, "You really shouldn't spend this money, but I suppose you will anyway . . ." I have the strange illusion that I would be going against expectations and somehow doing wrong unless I spent it. I invariably spend all the money immediately.) My uneasiness over having become an addict actually made me seek more of the drug. "I beg you! One more box. I promise I'll pay you at the end of the month." "You can pay the bill any old time as far as I'm concerned, but the police are very troublesome, you know." Something impure, dark, reeking of the shady character always hovers about me. "I beg you! Tell them something or other, put them off the track. I'll give you a kiss." She blushed. I pursued the theme. "I can't do any work unless I have the medicine. It's a kind of energy-builder for me." "How about hormone injections?" "Don't be silly. It's liquor or that medicine, one or the other. If I haven't got it I can't work." "You mustn't drink." "That's right. I haven't touched a drop of liquor since I began with that medicine. I'm in fine physical shape, thanks to you. I don't intend to go on drawing stupid cartoons forever, you know. Now that I've stopped drinking and have straightened myself out, I'm going to study. I'm sure I can become a great painter. I'll show you. If only I can get over this critical period. So, please. How about a kiss?"
