sculptors, businessmen, farmers, housewives, and Aziz’s adopted children.
It was a warm,
joyful ceremony, attended by people of all faiths. They celebrated his death, as they
knew he would have wanted. Children played happily and unattended. A Mexican poet distributed
pan de
los muertos, and an old Scottish friend of Aziz’s sprinkled rose petals on everyone,
raining over them
like confetti, each and every one a colorful testimony that death was not something to be afraid of. One of
the locals, a hunched old Muslim man who watched the whole scene with a wide grin and gimlet eyes,
said this must have been the craziest funeral Konya had ever witnessed, except for the funeral of Mawlana
centuries ago.
Two days after the funeral, finally alone, Ella wandered the city, watching the families walk past her,
merchants in their shops, and street vendors eager to sell her something, anything. People stared at this
American woman walking in their midst with her eyes swollen from crying. She was a complete stranger
here, a complete stranger everywhere.
Back in the hotel, before she checked out and headed to the airport, Ella took off her jacket and put on a
fluffy, peach-colored angora sweater.
A color too meek and docile for a woman who’s trying to be
neither, she thought.
Then she called Jeannette, who was the only one of her three children who had
supported her in her decision to follow her heart. Orly and Avi were still not speaking to their mother.
“Mom! How are you?” Jeannette asked, her voice full of warmth.
Ella leaned forward into empty space and smiled as if her daughter were standing right across from
her. Then she said in an almost inaudible voice, “Aziz is dead.”
“Oh, Mom, I’m so sorry.”
There was a brief lull as they both contemplated what to say. It was Jeannette who broke the silence.
“Mom, will you be coming home now?”
Ella tipped her head in thought. In her daughter’s question, she heard another unstated question. Would
she be going back to Northampton to her husband and stopping the divorce process, which had already
turned into a maze of mutual resentments and accusations? What was she going to do now? She didn’t
have any money, and she didn’t have a job. But she could always give private lessons in English, work
for a magazine, or who knows, be a good fiction editor one day.
Closing her eyes for a moment, Ella prophesied to herself with jubilant conviction and confidence what
the days ahead would bring her. She had never been on her own like this before, and yet, oddly enough,
she didn’t feel lonely.
“I’ve missed you, baby,” she said. “And I’ve missed your brother and sister, too. Will you come to see
me?”
“Of course I will, Mama—we will—but what are you going to do now? Are you sure you aren’t
coming back?”
“I’m
going to Amsterdam,” Ella said. “They have incredibly cute little flats there, overlooking the
canals. I can rent one of those. I’ll need to improve my biking. I don’t know.… I’m not going to make
plans, honey. I’m going to try living one day at a time. I’ll see what my heart says. It
is one of the rules,
isn’t it?”
“What rules, Mom? What are you talking about?”
Ella approached the window and looked at the sky, which was an amazing indigo in all directions. It
swirled with an invisible speed of its own, dissolving into nothingness and encountering therein infinite
possibilities, like a whirling dervish.
“It’s Rule Number Forty,” she said slowly.
“A life without love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself
what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, Eastern or Western.…
Divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and
simple.
“Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire!