Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others

Suggestions for Using the Socratic
Approach
When you adopt the Socrates mindset, you approach almost every conversation
differently. Here is a contrast that will help you understand this mindset:
Instead of:
You:
Telling
Ask thought-provoking questions
Being the expert
Invite others to contribute expertise

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Instead of:
You:
Controlling knowledge
Help draw out others’ experiences
Assuming meaning
Ask about the meaning of words
Mandating solutions
Solicit solutions from others
Showing how smart you are Show others how smart they are
Analyzing
Synthesize and look at the big picture
“Remember that there is nothing stable in human affairs; therefore avoid undue elation
in prosperity, or undue depression in adversity.
”—Socrates, 469–399 B.C.

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7
Begin at the Beginning
“Jay had to borrow the money. I didn't have a single penny I could
contribute.”
I'm having lunch with Rich DeVos at the 1913, the toniest restaurant in
Grand Rapids, Michigan. It would rival anything in New York. Rich is
having his favorite lunch, a bowl of chili. Actually, two bowls of chili.
We're getting fantastic service and I'm not surprised. Rich owns the
restaurant. As a matter of fact, he owns the hotel and the restaurant in it. He
also owns the Marriott across the street and a few more blocks in downtown
Grand Rapids.
He's one of the most extraordinary men I've ever met. Modest. Generous.
A roaring patriot. And a motivating speaker who cannonballs you out of
your chair, clapping and cheering.
He's an inspiration. His life is one long creation and celebration.
Oh, one thing more. Forbes has listed his net worth at several billion
dollars. That's a “B.”
Rich is co-founder of Amway with his high school friend and army
buddy, Jay Van Andel. It was a mystical bonding. Even after both retired,
they were in contact with each other every day.
Today, the corporation is a $20-billion operation. There are 3 million
Amway distributors in 80 countries around the world.
Talk about inspiring. I heard him once give a rousing 30-minute
presentation. On the spot, I wanted to become an Amway representative!
What Rich is proudest of is that he has made so many men and women
millionaires. He says there are hundreds of them.
“Rich,” I say to him, “it's a fascinating story of what you've done. Tell
me, how did you get started?”

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“Begin at the beginning,” the King of Hearts said to Alice, “and go on till
you come to the end.”
What follows is an account that reads like a fairy tale, but it's all true.
“Jay and I didn't have time for college. We wanted to be entrepreneurs.
Although at the time, I'm not certain we knew what the word meant.
“We get out of the army and we know we want to go into business
together and for ourselves. We are convinced that's the American dream.
“We start in the charter airplane business. But that doesn't work out at all.
So what is next, we wondered.”
(I'm reminded that you learn from experience, and mistakes give you
experience. Winston Churchill said success is to go from one failure to
another failure without losing your enthusiasm.)
“Right after the charter airplane failure, Jay hears about Nutrilite. That's a
food enhancer. We do some checking. We learn we could become
distributors.
“So we begin by wanting to buy a sales kit and samples. That will take 50
dollars. But we don't have that much between us. Jay has to borrow the 50
dollars to get us into business. I didn't even have enough money to
contribute a penny.
“Well, over the years, the business really grows. Jay and I eventually have
5,000 Nutrilite distributors who work for us. We want a broader product
range. In 1959 we found the American Way Association. It later was
renamed Amway. There was no one like us.”
Rich goes on to tell me about the growth of Amway. It became more than
just a distribution company. It was a way of life, an organization where,
with motivation and hard work, anyone could succeed regardless of their
background.
Rich and I spend nearly three hours at the luncheon table. But how his
company got started is the real story. I find the question I first asked Rich
leads me on wondrous, uncharted journeys— “How did you get started?”
I ask that very same question (How did you get started?) of Mary Kay
Ash, founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics. What a story hers is—she was a
single mother who had to quickly find a way to support her infant son.
And there was Cal Turner, Jr. (Dollar General) who first started by selling
a pair of bloomers. (Yes—bloomers!) There are dozens and dozens of other

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stories just like that.
As for Rich DeVos, he was born one of God's originals. In the canons of
corporate life, he is rife for beatitude.
“How did you get started?” is a question even the most celebrated,
powerful, or wealthy person cannot resist. But try it with anyone you meet
along the way—it's also a question for a friend, colleague, or stranger. The
stories that unfold will be surprisingly exciting.
Follow the dictum of the King of Hearts. Begin at the beginning. “How
did you get started” will lead you on a wondrous path where golden nuggets
of conversation and information are ready for you to mine.
You can truly engage with someone, draw them out, and learn their
story by asking “How did you get started?”