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What people say about you says more about them than about
you
When others judge you, they reveal themselves. They show their insecurities,
needs, mindset, attitude, history and limitations. And they paint a clear
picture of their future: they won’t go very far, or live a joyful life, if they’re
wasting their precious time judging others.
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Trying to please everyone
If you keep trying to satisfy others, you
will never keep up. In the end, you will
satisfy neither them nor yourself.
Hopefully, it’s clear to you now that we do a lot of things in order to be
accepted, but if we want to do well in life and maintain our peace, we have to
be a little selfish. We’ll never be able to satisfy absolutely everyone, and
that’s exactly why we shouldn’t even try. Give up the habit of being a people-
pleaser and start pleasing 
you
!
As someone who likes helping others with their personal problems, I’ve
found it difficult to stop trying to make everyone happy. In the past, I’d
receive hundreds of emails a week from people telling me their problems and
asking for help. Naturally, I’d want to assist them.
Some people write very lengthy emails, upwards of 2000 words. I don’t
believe in doing things half-heartedly, so my response would always be
thorough. By the time I’d read and replied to an email this long, I’d have used
up a great deal of time.
Responding to everyone was virtually impossible and some people became
irate because they felt I was ignoring them. It made me feel terrible and I
began to punish myself for it. Although I had other more pressing tasks to
complete, I devoted an unreasonable amount of time to replying to these
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emails.
I became overwhelmed. I realized I couldn’t please everyone, so I shouldn’t
attempt to, nor should I be too hard on myself. It was important to prioritize
my needs and this is exactly what I did. I’ve never looked back.
I’m sure you can relate in some way to my experience of being raised in a
very judgemental community. As a child, certain career choices were sold to
me as reflecting well within the community. If I became a doctor, I’d be
considered intelligent, rich and philanthropic.
Yet my community would still judge me if I became a doctor. For example, if
I remained single until I was 30 years old because I was working all the time,
then it would indicate something was wrong with me. If I didn’t have my
own house, I’d be deemed to be experiencing financial hardship. If I became
a doctor and had everything apart from a child, they’d assume I was having
fertility problems. That’s how these communities work. Someone will always
see a flaw in you.
Sometimes, I’m accused of being arrogant or stubborn for not giving much
thought to the opinions of others. It’s an extension of a judgemental ethos
that leads people to this conclusion.
Constructive opinions can be very beneficial to our growth, but destructive
ones that demoralize us don’t have a positive purpose. Abuse and criticism
disguised as ‘feedback’ doesn’t deserve your attention.
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