Paragraph A
Yesterday at 10:00
A
.
M
., Mark
Spencer held a
press conference. Eleanor Cartwright was present as
well. Mr. Spencer talked about upcoming events at
the Smithfield Museum of Art, where he is Director.
Then he announced
that Eleanor Cartwright had
just been appointed Director of Development. This
new position was created due to the planned build-
ing of a new wing, which will house the significant
art collection that was donated to The Smithfield
Museum last year. Mr. Spencer outlined Ms.
Cartwright’s qualifications
and introduced her to
the press. She discussed plans for the new wing, and
she also took several questions from reporters before
the press conference ended.
Paragraph B
Yesterday at 10:00
A
.
M
., Mark Spencer, the pop-
ular Director of the Smithfield Museum of Art, held
a press conference. The
room was buzzing with
reporters as Mr. Spencer took the podium. Standing
to his right was a striking woman with a crimson
suit. Mr. Spencer first discussed the soon-to-be-
launched artist-in-residence program as well as the
upcoming
annual fundraising dinner, which has
been the hottest ticket in town ever since Mr.
Spencer came to the Smithfield.
The room was thick with curiosity as Mr.
Spencer turned toward the mysterious woman and
invited her to join him at the podium. Mr. Spencer
then spoke in an excited and genuine tone, “I’m
delighted to introduce to you, the
new Director of
Development of the Smithfield Museum, Ms.
Eleanor Cartwright.” Mr. Spencer explained that
this position was created due to the building of the
new wing, for which
construction is scheduled to
start soon. The wing will house the impressive and
significant art collection of Mr. and Mrs. Martin
Buckner, which was donated to the museum last
year. Mr. Spencer listed Ms. Cartwright’s impressive
credentials as the reporters hung on every word.
Finally, Ms. Cartwright took the podium and wowed
everyone with details about the new wing. She also
took several questions. By
the time she was done,
everyone in attendance was charmed by her wit and
sophistication and they left the room convinced that
the Smithfield Museum, once barely known, was
truly becoming a major force in the art world.
Now, write down your
observations about these
two paragraphs below. How are these two versions dif-
ferent? What did you notice about the sentence struc-
ture? About the degree of description and detail? About
the degree of formality?
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