Reminders of Him

Leaving me without an answer is still an answer.
I think about this the entire way home. When do I cut my losses?
When do I accept that maybe my life won’t intersect with Diem’s?
My throat is dry and my heart is empty when we pull back into the
parking lot of my apartment unit. Ledger gets out of the truck and comes
around to open my door. He just stands there, though. He looks like he
wants to say something, the way he shuffles back and forth on his feet. He
crosses his arms over his chest and looks down at the ground.
“It wasn’t a good look, you know. To his parents, to the judge, to
everyone in that courtroom . . . you just seemed so . . .” He can’t finish his
sentence.
“I seemed so what?”
His eyes connect with mine. “Unremorseful.”
That word knocks the breath out of me. How could anyone think I was
unremorseful? I was absolutely devastated.

---

I feel like I’m about to start crying again, and I’ve cried enough today.
I just need out of his truck. I grab my bag and my to-go food, and Ledger
steps aside so that I can exit his truck. When my feet are on the ground, I
start walking because I’m trying to catch my breath, and I can’t and don’t
know how to respond to what he just said.
Is that why they refuse to let me see my daughter? They think I didn’t
care?
I can hear his footsteps following me, but it forces me to walk even
faster until I’m up the stairs and inside my apartment. I set my stuff down
on the counter, and Ledger is standing in the doorway to my apartment.
I grip the edge of the counter next to the sink and process what he’s
just said. Then I face him with the distance of the room between us. “Scotty
was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I wasn’t unremorseful. I
was too devastated to speak. My lawyers, they told me I needed to write an
allocution statement, but I hadn’t been able to sleep in weeks. I couldn’t get
a single word out on paper. My brain, it was . . .” I press a hand to my chest.
“I was shattered, Ledger. You have to believe that. Too shattered to even
defend myself, or care what happened to my life. I wasn’t unemotional, I
was broken.”
And it happens again. The tears. I’m so sick of the fucking tears. I turn
away from him because I’m sure he’s sick of them too.
I hear my door close. Did he leave? I spin around, but Ledger is
standing inside my apartment. He’s walking slowly toward me, and then he
leans against the counter next to me. He folds his arms over his chest,
crosses his legs at the ankles, and then just stares at the floor silently for a
moment. I grab the napkin off the counter that I was using earlier.
Ledger eyes me. “Who would it benefit?” he asks.
I wait for more clarification, because I don’t know what he’s asking
me.
“It wouldn’t benefit Patrick or Grace having to share custody of Diem
with you. It would bring a level of stress to their lives that I’m not sure they
can emotionally handle. And Diem . . . would it benefit her? Because right
now, she has no idea anyone is even missing from her life. She has two
people she considers her parents already, and all of their family who love
her. She also has me. And if you were allowed visitation, yes, it might mean
something to her when she’s older. But right now . . . and I’m not being

---

hateful, Kenna . . . but you would change the peaceful existence they’ve
worked so hard to build since Scotty died. The stress your presence would
bring to Patrick and Grace would be felt by Diem, no matter how hard they
tried to hide it from her. So . . . who would your presence in Diem’s life
benefit? Besides yourself?”
I can feel my chest tightening at his words. Not because I’m angry at
him for saying them, but because I’m scared he’s right.
What if she’s better off without me in her life? What if my presence
would just be an intrusion?
He knows Patrick and Grace better than anyone, and if he says my
presence is going to change the good dynamic they’ve built, who am I to
argue with that?
I already feared everything he just said, but it feels painful and
embarrassing hearing the words actually come from him. He’s right,
though. My presence here is selfish. He knows it. They know it.
I’m not here to fill some void in my daughter’s life. I’m here to fill a
void in mine.
I blink back tears and blow out a calming breath. “I know I shouldn’t
have come back here. You’re right. But I can’t just up and leave. It took
everything I had to get here, and now I’m stuck. I have nowhere to go and
no money to get there because the grocery store is only part time.”
The empathy has returned to his face, but he’s quiet.
“If they don’t want me here, I’ll leave. It’s just going to take time
because I don’t have the money, and every business in this town has turned
me down because of my past.”
Ledger pushes off the counter. He clasps his hands behind his head
and paces a few steps. I don’t want him to think I’m asking for money. That
would be the most mortifying result of this conversation.
But if he offered me money, I’m not sure I’d turn it down. If they want
me to leave badly enough to pay for my exit, I’ll cut my fucking losses and
go.
“I can give you eight hours on Friday and Saturday nights.” He looks
like he regrets the offer as soon as it leaves his mouth. “It’s just kitchen
work. Mostly dishes. But you have to stay in the back of the bar. No one
can know you work there. If the Landrys find out I’m helping you . . .”

---

I realize he’s offering me this opportunity to get me out of town
quicker. He’s not doing me a favor; he’s doing Patrick and Grace a favor. I
try not to think about the whys, though. “I won’t tell anyone,” I say quickly.
“I swear.”
The hesitant look on Ledger’s face conveys his regret. It looks like
he’s about to say never mind, so I hurry up and spit out a thank you before
he can backtrack. “I get off work at four o’clock Friday and Saturday. I can
be there by four thirty.”
He nods, and then says, “Come in through the back door. And if
anyone asks, tell them your name is Nicole. That’s what I’ll tell the other
employees.”
“Okay.”
He shakes his head like he’s just made the biggest mistake of his life,
and then he heads to the front door. He says, “Good night,” but his voice is
clipped when he says it. Then he closes the door behind him.
Ivy is rubbing against my ankles, so I bend down and pick her up. I
bring her up to my chest and cuddle her.
Ledger might have just offered me a job to get me out of town, but I
sit down on my couch with a smile, because I got to see my daughter’s face
today. No matter how depressing the rest of the day was, I finally got a
piece of something I’ve been praying five years for.
I grab my notebook and write the most important letter I’ve ever
written to Scotty.
Dear Scotty,
She looks like both of us, but she laughs like you.
She’s perfect in every way.
I’m so sorry you never got to meet her.
Love,
Kenna

---

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
LEDGER
Kenna is supposed to show up any minute. Roman has been off since the
night I hired her, so I haven’t had a chance to warn him. But I’ve been
debating on changing my mind about hiring her since the second I made up
my mind.
Roman just arrived, and Kenna said she’d be here around four thirty,
so now is probably a good time to bring it up to him so he’s not blindsided.
I’m slicing up limes and oranges to make sure we have enough
garnishes for the night. Roman hasn’t even made it behind the bar yet when
I say, “I fucked up.” I meant to say, “I hired Kenna,” but I feel like they
both have the same meaning.
Roman eyes me suspiciously.
I can’t have this conversation while I’m slicing fruit, so I put the knife
down before I hack off a finger. “I hired Kenna. Part time, but no one can
know who she is. Call her Nicole in front of the other employees.” I pick up
the knife again because I’d rather look at the limes than at the expression
Roman is giving me right now.
“Um. Wow. Why?”
“It’s a long story.”
I hear his keys and his phone as he drops them on the bar and then
scoots out a stool. “Good thing we both work until midnight. Start talking.”
I walk to the edge of the bar and glance back into the kitchen to make
sure we’re still alone. No one else has arrived yet, so I give him a quick
rundown of what happened in the grocery store parking lot, and how I
showed her videos of Diem and then took her for burgers and somehow
ended up feeling sorry for her and offered her a job to help her get out of
town.

---

I get the whole story out, and the whole time, he’s completely silent.
“I asked her to stay in the back, away from the customers,” I say. “I
can’t risk Grace or Patrick finding out she works here. I’m not worried
about them showing up; they never come here. But I’d still like her to stay
in the back. She can do the dishes and help Aaron.”
Roman laughs. “So, you essentially hired a barback who can back but
not bar?”
“There’s plenty to do back there to keep her busy.”
I hear Roman swipe his phone and his keys off the bar. Right before he
disappears through the double doors to the kitchen, he says, “I don’t want to
hear another word about the fucking cupcakes ever again.”
He’s gone before I can point out that his being obsessed with the
married baker down the street is a little different than my giving Kenna a
job to get her out of town faster.
The doors to the back swing open a couple of minutes later, and
Roman says, “Your new hire just arrived.”
When I make it to the kitchen, Kenna is standing by the alley door
holding her tote, gripping her wrist with the opposite hand. She looks
nervous, but different. She’s got lip gloss on or something. I don’t know, but
her mouth is all I can seem to focus on, so I clear my throat and look away
from her and casually say, “Hey.”
“Hi,” she says.
I point to a closet where the employees keep their stuff while on shift.
“You can put your bag in there.”
I grab her an apron and keep it as professional as I can. “I’ll give you a
quick tour.” She follows me quietly as I show her around the kitchen. I
explain the process of how to stack the dishes once she washes them. I give
her a brief tour of our stock room. I show her where my office is. I take her
out to the alley to show her which dumpster is ours.
We’re making our way back to the alley door when Aaron walks up.
He pauses when he sees me standing in the alley with Kenna.
“Aaron, this is Nicole. She’ll be helping you out in the kitchen.”
Aaron narrows his eyes, looking Kenna up and down. “Do I need help
in the kitchen?” he asks, confused.
I look at Kenna. “We have a limited menu of food on the weekends,
but Aaron takes care of all of it. Just be available if he needs the help.”

---

Kenna nods and reaches out a hand to Aaron. “Nice to meet you,” she
says. Aaron returns the handshake, but he’s still eyeing me suspiciously.
I look at her and point at the door, letting her know I want a minute
with Aaron. Kenna nods and slips back inside. I give my focus to Aaron.
“She’ll only be here a few weeks at the most. She needed a favor.”
Aaron holds up a hand. “Enough said, boss.” He squeezes my shoulder
as he passes me and heads inside.
I’ve shown Kenna everything I need to show her to keep her busy for
one night. And she has Aaron now. He’ll take care of her.
I don’t want to walk through the back and have to look at her again, so
I make my way through the front door. Razi and Roman are covering most
of tonight because I have to leave. I didn’t take into consideration when I
hired Kenna and told her to show up tonight that I already had plans and
wouldn’t even be here for most of her shift.
“I’ll be back around nine,” I tell Roman. “I’m going to dinner with
them after the recital.”
Roman nods. “Mary Anne asks questions,” he says. “She’s been
wanting us to hire her nephew as a barback. This isn’t going to sit well with
her.”
“Just tell Mary Anne that Kenna is . . . Nicole is temporary. That’s all
she needs to know.”
Roman shakes his head. “You didn’t really think this one through,
Ledger.”
“I thought about it plenty.”
“Maybe, but you thought about it with the wrong fucking head.”
I ignore his observation and leave.
Diem decided she wanted to try a dance class a few months ago. Grace says
it’s because her best friend takes dance, and it’s not because Diem actually
likes dance.
After seeing her recital tonight, it’s clear dancing isn’t her passion. She
was all over the place. I’m not even sure she’s paid one second of attention
in dance class, because while all the other kids were at least attempting the

---

routine, Diem was running back and forth on the stage recreating moves
from her favorite movie, The Greatest Showman.
The entire audience was laughing. Grace and Patrick were mortified
but were trying not to laugh. At one point, Grace leaned over and
whispered, “Make sure she never watches that movie again.”
I was filming it, of course.
The whole time I was filming Diem, I had this underlying sense of
anticipation at the thought of showing Kenna. But Diem’s moments aren’t
mine to share. I need to remember that, no matter how good it felt on the
side of the road to see Kenna finally get a glimpse of Diem a few days ago.
Patrick and Grace legally make all decisions for Diem, and rightfully
so. If I found out someone close to me was sharing information about Diem
after clearly knowing I asked them not to, I’d be more than livid. And I’d
immediately cut that person out of my life.
I can’t take that chance with Patrick and Grace. I’m already doing
enough behind their backs by just giving Kenna this job.
“I don’t think I want to take dance anymore,” Diem says. She’s still
wearing her purple leotard, but there’s queso dripping down the front of it
now. I wipe it off her because she’s on the same side of the booth as me.
“You can’t quit dance yet,” Grace says. “We’ve already paid for three
more months.”
Diem likes to try new things. I don’t look at her willingness to quit all
the things she tries as a negative personality trait. I think it’s a strength that
she wants to try every sport she can.
“I want to do that thing with the swords,” Diem says, swinging her
fork back and forth in the air.
“Fencing?” Patrick asks. “They don’t have fencing lessons in this
town.”
“Ledger can teach me,” Diem says.
“I don’t have swords. And I don’t have time. I already coach your T-
ball team.”
“T-ball is hell,” Diem says.
I choke on my laugh.
“Don’t say that,” Grace whispers.
“That’s what Roman said,” Diem retorts. “I have to go to the
bathroom.”

---

The bathrooms are within view of our seats, so Diem slides under the
table and scoots out of the booth. Grace keeps a close eye on her as she
walks to the bathroom door. It’s a single-stall bathroom that Diem can lock
behind her, which is the only reason Grace isn’t following her.
Grace usually accompanies Diem to the restroom, but Diem has been
demanding her independence lately. She makes Grace wait outside the
bathroom now, and when we come to this restaurant, we always ask to be
seated near the bathroom hallway so Grace can allow Diem the space to do
things on her own while still keeping a close eye on her.
When Patrick starts to speak, I can tell half of Grace’s attention is still
on the bathroom door. “We filed a restraining order against Diem’s mother.”
I hold back my reaction, but it’s hard. I swallow those words with my
bite of food and then take a sip of water. “Why?”
“We want to be prepared for whatever she decides to do,” Patrick says.
“But what would she try to do?” I can tell by the way Grace cocks her
head that maybe I shouldn’t have said that. But would a judge even grant a
restraining order simply because it’s filed? I figure it would take more than
Kenna’s presence for a restraining order to be approved.
Grace says, “She chased us down in the grocery store parking lot. I
don’t feel safe, Ledger.”
Oh. I forgot about that yet somehow still feel the need to defend her
like it was my fault we were all in that predicament in the first place.
“We spoke to Grady,” Patrick says. “He said he could have the judge
expedite it, and she’ll probably be served this week.”
I have so much I want to say, but now isn’t the time to say it. I have no
idea when the right time to say it is. Or if I even need to say anything at all.
I take another drink and don’t respond to their news. I just sit silent,
trying not to give off traitor vibes. Because that’s exactly what I am right
now. There’s no way around it.
“Let’s change the subject,” Grace says, watching Diem as she heads
back to the table. “How’s your mother, Ledger? I didn’t even get to talk to
her while she was in town.”
“Good. They’re heading to Yellowstone, so they’ll probably drop into
town on their way back through.”
Diem is climbing onto Grace’s lap when Grace says, “I’d love to see
her. Let’s plan dinner for when they’re here.”

---

“I’ll let her know.”
Grace hands Diem a french fry and says, “The date is coming up. How
are you feeling?”
I blink twice. I know she’s not referring to anything related to Scotty,
but I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“Leah?” Grace says. “The cancelled wedding?”
“Oh. That.” I shrug. “I’m fine. She’s fine. Things are better this way.”
Grace frowns a little bit. She always liked Leah, but I don’t think she
knew the real Leah very well. Not that Leah is a bad person. I wouldn’t
have proposed to her if I thought she was.
She just wasn’t good enough for Diem, and if Grace knew that, she’d
thank me for calling off the engagement rather than continue to bring it up
in hopes I change my mind.
“How’s the house coming along?” Patrick asks.
“Fine. I think I’m just a few months out from having it move-in
ready.”
“When are you putting your current house up for sale?”
The thought of that makes me sink an inch deeper into my seat.
Putting it up for sale will feel like selling off a piece of myself, for so many
reasons. “I don’t know yet.”
“I don’t want you to move,” Diem says.
Those six words hit me right in the heart.
“But you’ll get to go stay with him at his new house,” Grace says,
attempting to reassure her. “He won’t be far.”
“I like the house he has now,” Diem says with a pout. “I can walk
there all by myself.”
Diem is staring at her hands. I want to reach over and pull her out of
Grace’s lap and hug her and tell her I’ll never leave her, but it would be a
lie.
I wish I would have waited just six months before deciding to build
that house back when Diem was younger. Six months would have been
plenty of time to know that the little girl Grace and Patrick were raising
would infiltrate my life and my heart as if I made her myself.
“Diem will be fine,” Grace reassures me. She must be deciphering the
look on my face right now. “It’s twenty minutes. Hardly anything will
change.”

---

I stare at Diem, and she looks up at me, and I swear I can see tears in
her eyes. But she closes them and curls into Grace before I can be sure.

---

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
KENNA
I found out from the paperwork he left me to sign that Ledger is paying me
way more than what the grocery store pays me.
Because of that, and because it’s just in my nature, I’ve been busting
my ass all night. I’ve been reorganizing everything. No one said I needed
to, but I wash dishes faster than they come back to me, so between bouts of
dirty dishes, I’ve been reorganizing the shelves, the stock room, all the
dishes in the cabinets.
I’ve had five years of practice. I didn’t tell Ledger about my kitchen
experience, because it’s always awkward to talk about, but I worked in the
kitchen when I was away. A couple dozen bar patrons is a walk in the park
compared to hundreds of women.
I wasn’t sure how it would feel being stuck back here with Aaron at
first because he looks intimidating, with stocky shoulders and dark,
expressive eyebrows. But he’s a teddy bear.
He said he’s been working here since Ledger opened the doors several
years ago.
Aaron is a married father of four and works two jobs. Maintenance at
the high school during the week, and kitchen duty on Fridays and Saturdays
here. All his children are grown and out of the house now, but he says he
keeps this job because he saves up his paychecks and he and his wife like to
take an annual vacation to visit her family in Ecuador.
He likes to dance while he works, so he keeps the speakers turned up,
and he yells when he talks. Which is entertaining, since he’s usually talking
about the other employees. He told me Mary Anne has been dating a guy
for seven years and they’re about to have a second child together, but she
refuses to marry him because she hates his last name. He divulged that

---

Roman is obsessed with a married woman who owns the bakery down the
street, so he’s constantly bringing cupcakes to work.
He’s just about to tell me all about the other bartender, Razi, when
someone walks through the kitchen doors and says, “Holy shit.” I spin
around and find the waitress, Mary Anne, looking around the kitchen. “You
did all this?”
I nod.
“I didn’t realize what a mess it was until now. Wow. Ledger will be
impressed with his rash decision when he gets back.”
I didn’t even know he was gone. I can’t see up front, and none of the
bartenders have been back to the kitchen at all.
Mary Anne puts her hand on her stomach and walks to a refrigerator.
She looks to be around five months along. She opens a Tupperware
container and grabs a handful of grape tomatoes. She pops one in her mouth
and says, “Tomatoes are all I crave. Marinara sauce. Pizza. Ketchup.” She
offers me one, but I shake my head. “Tomatoes give me heartburn, but I
can’t stop eating them.”
“Is this your first?” I ask her.
“No, I have a two-year-old boy. This one’s also a boy. You have any
kids?”
I never know how to answer this question. It hasn’t come up much
since I was released from prison, but the few times it has, I usually say I do
and then immediately change the subject. But I don’t want anyone here to
start asking questions, so I just shake my head and keep the focus on her.
“What are you naming him?”
“Not sure yet.” She eats another tomato and then puts the container
back in the refrigerator. “What’s your story?” she asks. “You new around
here? You married? You seeing anyone? How old are you?”
I have different answers for every question coming at me, so I nod,
then shake my head, and I end up looking like my head is wobbling like a
bobblehead doll by the time she stops firing questions at me.
“I just moved to town. I’m twenty-six. Single.”
She raises a brow. “Does Ledger know you’re single?”
“I guess.”
“Huh,” she says. “Maybe that explains it.”
“Explains what?”

---

Mary Anne and Aaron exchange a look. “Why Ledger hired you.
We’ve been wondering.”
“Why did he hire me?” I’d like to know what she thinks is the reason.
“I don’t mean this to come off in a negative way,” she says, “but
we’ve had the same employees for over two years now. He’s never
mentioned needing more help, so my theory is that he hired you to make
Leah jealous.”
“Mary Anne.” Aaron says her name like it’s a warning.
She waves him off. “Ledger was supposed to get married this month.
He acts like he’s okay that the wedding was called off, but something has
been bothering him lately. He’s been acting weird. And then you apply for a
job and he just hires you on the spot when we don’t even need the help?”
She shrugs. “Makes sense. You’re gorgeous. He’s heartbroken. I think he’s
filling a void.”
It actually doesn’t make sense at all, but I get the feeling Mary Anne is
the curious type, and I don’t want to say anything to make her even more
curious about my presence here.
“Ignore her,” Aaron says. “Mary Anne craves gossip as much as she
craves tomatoes.”
She laughs. “It’s true. I like to talk shit. I don’t mean anything by it;
I’m just bored.”
“Why was his wedding called off?” I ask her. Apparently, she’s not the
only curious one in this kitchen.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Leah, his ex, told people they weren’t
compatible. Ledger doesn’t talk about it. He’s a hard egg to crack.”
Roman peeks through the double doors, and his presence steals her
attention. “The frat boys need you, Mary Anne.”
She rolls her eyes and says, “Ugh. I hate college kids. They’re terrible
tippers.”
Aaron suggests I take a break about three hours into my shift, so I decide to
spend it sitting on the steps in the alley. I wasn’t sure if I’d get a break, or
what my hours would even be tonight, so I grabbed some chips and a
bottled water before I left the grocery store earlier.

---

It’s quieter in the alley, but I can still hear the bass of the music. Mary
Anne came back to chat again earlier and she saw I had pieces of paper
towel stuck in my ears to drown out the music while I worked. I lied and
told her I get migraines easily, but I really just hate most music.
Every song is a reminder of something bad in my life, so I’d rather
hear no songs at all. She says she has a pair of headphones she can bring me
tomorrow. So far, the music is the only part of this job I don’t like. That was
one good thing about prison—I rarely heard music.
Roman opens the back door and seems momentarily surprised to find
me on the steps, but he walks over to the other side of the alley and flips a
bucket upside down. He sits on it and stretches his leg out, putting pressure
on his knee. “How’s your first night?” he asks.
“Good.” I’ve noticed Roman limps when he walks, and now he’s
stretching his leg like he’s in pain. I don’t know if it’s a new injury, but I
feel like if it is, he might need to take it easier than he has been tonight.
He’s a bartender; they never sit. “Did you hurt your leg?”
“It’s an old injury. It flares up with the weather.” He hikes up his pant
leg and reveals a long scar on his knee.
“Ouch. How’d that happen?”
Roman leans back against the brick on the side of the building. “Pro
football injury.”
“You played pro football too?”
“I played for a different team than Ledger did. I’d rather die than play
for the Broncos.” He gestures toward his knee. “This happened about a year
and a half in. Ended my football career.”
“Wow. I’m so sorry.”
“Hazard of the job.”
“How’d you end up working here with Ledger?”
He eyes me carefully. “I could ask the same of you.”
Fair enough. I don’t know how much Roman knows about my story,
but Ledger did mention he’s the only one here who knows who I am. I’m
sure that means he knows everything.
I don’t want to talk about myself.
Luckily, I don’t have to because the alley fills with light from Ledger’s
truck as he pulls into his usual parking spot. For whatever reason, Roman
uses this moment to escape back inside and leave me out here alone.

---

I tense with Roman’s disappearance and Ledger’s return. I’m
embarrassed I’m sitting outside on the steps. As soon as Ledger opens the
door of his truck, I say, “I’ve been working. I swear. You just happened to
pull up right when I took a break.”
Ledger smiles as he gets out of the truck, like my explanation is
unnecessary. I don’t know why I have a physical reaction to that smile, but
it sends a swirl through my stomach. His presence always creates this hum
right under my skin, like I’m buzzing with nervous energy. Maybe it’s
because he’s my only link to my daughter. Maybe it’s because I think about
what happened between us in this alley every time I close my eyes at night.
Maybe it’s because he’s my boss now, and I really don’t want to lose
this job, and here I am not doing anything, and I suddenly feel like a
pathetic asshole.
I liked it much better when he wasn’t here. I was more relaxed.
“How’s it going tonight?” He leans against his truck like he’s in no
hurry to get inside.
“Good. Everyone’s been nice.”
He raises an eyebrow like he doesn’t buy that. “Even Mary Anne?”
“Well. She’s been nice to me. She kind of talked a little shit about you,
though.” I’m smiling so he knows I’m teasing. But she did imply he only
hired me because he thinks I’m pretty and he’s trying to make his ex
jealous. “Who’s Leah?”
Ledger’s head falls back against his truck, and he groans. “Which one
of them brought up Leah? Mary Anne?”
I nod. “She said you were supposed to get married this month.”
Ledger looks uncomfortable, but I’m not going to be the one to cut
this conversation short on account of his discomfort. If he doesn’t want to
talk about it, he doesn’t have to. But I want to know, so I wait expectantly
for him to muster up an answer.
“It was honestly so stupid when I look back on it,” he says. “The
whole breakup. We got in an argument about kids we don’t even have yet.”
“And that ended your engagement?”
He nods. “Yep.”
“What was the argument?”
“She asked me if I was going to love my future kids more than I love
Diem. And I said no, I would love them all the same.”

---

“That made her angry?”
“It bothered her how much time I spent with Diem. She said when we
started a family of our own one day, I’d have to spend less time focusing on
Diem and more time on our family. It was like an epiphany. I realized she
didn’t see Diem fitting into a potential future family like I did. After that, I
sort of just . . . checked out, I guess.”
I don’t know why I expected their breakup to be over something more
serious. People don’t usually break up over hypothetical situations, but it
says a lot about Ledger that he was able to see his own happiness is tied to
Diem’s happiness, and he wouldn’t settle for anyone who didn’t respect
that.
“Leah sounds like a terrible bitch.” I’m half kidding when I say it,
which is why Ledger laughs. But the more I think about it, the more
irritated I get. “Seriously, though. Screw her for thinking Diem isn’t worthy
of the same love as kids who don’t even exist yet.”
“Exactly. Everyone thought I was crazy for breaking up with her, but
to me it was a precursor to all the potential problems we’d be facing down
the road.” He smiles at me. “Look at you being an overprotective mother. I
don’t feel so crazy now.”
As soon as he says that—acknowledges me as Diem’s mother—my
face falls. It was a simple sentence, but it meant everything to hear it come
from him.