Suicide Notes
Part of me wants to stay here where people sort of understand me. But I
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Part of me wants to stay here where people sort of understand me. But I know I have to leave. My vacation is over, and it’s time to let some new campers in. I haven’t decided what to do about the Allie thing yet. Maybe I’ll call her. Or maybe I’ll send her here to talk to Dr. Katzrupus for forty-five days. I don’t think she’d hold out as long as I did. I bet he’d break her in two weeks. She can’t keep a secret. Not that there are any secrets to keep anymore. I think I’ve told all of mine. Well, most of them. The big ones. You’ve got to keep some stuff to yourself, otherwise there’s no reason for people to get to know you. I almost forgot. It’s Valentine’s Day. Allie and I always used to give each other silly valentines, mostly to make us feel better about not having real valentines to give them to. But also because we really do care about each other. Did care? Do care? I don’t know. This will be the first year we haven’t done it. But what if I was going to give her a valentine? What would it say? Maybe something like this: I’m sorry I couldn’t talk to you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. You’re my best friend, and I want you back. I know I’m sort of a different person now, but I hope you’ll give me a chance. I have a lot to tell you. Love, Jeff I could never send that. It’s too sappy. Even worse than hugging. Still, Allie kind of falls for that sort of thing. Maybe it would work. Or maybe she would just tear it up. I really don’t know anymore. I wonder if my parents would think it was weird if I asked them to stop at the card store on the way home. If you are depressed or having thoughts about suicide you are not alone. Many of us have these thoughts, and it does not mean you’re a freak or crazy or a bad person. There are numerous causes of depression and suicidal thoughts, and it’s important that you talk to someone about how you’re feeling. Trust me—no matter how horrible you feel or how bad things seem, there is always a way out. Suicide is never your only option. If you feel safe talking to a friend or a parent or someone else you trust, ask them to help you find someone qualified to work with you to understand your feelings and to provide the support you need. If you do not feel you can speak to anyone you know about your feelings, there are online and telephone services available providing confidential assistance to people struggling with thoughts of suicide. Two of the most respected are: The Trevor Project The Trevor Project is a 24-hour, toll-free service that provides help for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and questioning young people in crisis. If you are gay or think you might be gay, and would like to speak to someone about your thoughts of depression or suicide, call the number on the next page to reach a counselor. You can also visit the group’s website or MySpace page for more information. 1-866-4-U-TREVOR 1-866-488-7386 Website: www.thetrevorproject.org MySpace: www.myspace.com/trevorproject The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free service providing information and referrals to people struggling with thoughts of self-harm. Their counselors can connect you with support organizations in your area that offer immediate help. 1-800-273-TALK 1-800-273-8255 Website: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org MySpace: www.myspace.com/suicidepreventionlifeline Copyright Suicide Notes Copyright © 2008 by Michael Thomas Ford All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Ford, Michael Thomas. Suicide notes / Michael Thomas Ford. — 1st ed. p. cm. Summary: Brimming with sarcasm, fifteen-year-old Jeff describes his stay in a psychiatric ward after attempting to commit suicide. ISBN 978-0-06-073757-3 [1. Suicide—Fiction. 2. Psychiatric hospitals—Fiction. 3. Homosexuality—Fiction.] I. Title. PZ7.F7532119Su 2008 [Fic]—dc22 2008019199 CIP AC First paperback edition, 2010 EPub Edition © 2010 ISBN: 9780062043078 10 11 12 13 14 LP/RRDH 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 |