In a fit of rage, the young guard started to whip me with all his might. I covered my face with my hands,
but it didn’t help much. A merry old song popped into my mind, forcing its way past my bloodied lips.
Determined not to show my misery, I sang louder and louder with every crack of the whip:
“Kiss me, my beloved, peel my heart down to the core,
Your lips are as sweet as cherry wine, pour me some more.”
My sarcasm drove the guard into a deeper rage. The louder I sang, the harder he hit. I would never have
guessed there could be so much anger piled up inside one man.
“That’s enough, Baybars!” I heard the other guard yell in panic. “Stop it, man!”
As suddenly as it had started, the lashing stopped. I wanted to have the last word, say something
powerful and blunt, but the blood in my mouth muffled my voice. My stomach churned, and before I knew
it, I vomited.
“You are a wreck,” Baybars reprimanded. “You have only yourself to blame for what I did to you.”
They turned their backs on me and strode off into the night.
I don’t know how long I lay there. It could have been no more than a few minutes or the whole night.
Time
lost its weight, and so did everything else. The moon hid behind the clouds, leaving me not only
without its light but also without a sense of who I was. Soon I was floating
in limbo between life and
death and not caring where I would end up. Then the numbness started to wear off, and every bruise,
every welt, every cut on my body ached madly, washing me with wave after wave of pain. My head was
wobbly, my limbs sore. In that state I moaned like a wounded animal.
I must have blacked out. When I opened my eyes, my
salwar
was drenched in urine and every limb of
my body ached dreadfully. I was praying to God either to numb me or to provide me with drink when I
heard footsteps approaching. My heart skipped a beat. It could
be a street urchin or a robber, even a
murderer. But then I thought, what did I have to fear? I had reached a point where nothing the night could
bring was scary anymore.
Out of the shadows walked a tall, slender dervish with no hair. He knelt down beside me and helped
me sit up. He introduced himself as Shams of Tabriz and asked my name.
“Suleiman the drunk of Konya at your service,” I said as I plucked a loose tooth from my mouth. “Nice
to meet you.”
“You are bleeding,” Shams murmured as he started to wipe the blood off my face. “Not only on the
outside, but inside as well.”
Upon saying that, he took out a silver flask from the pocket of his robe. “Apply this ointment to your
wounds,” he said. “A good man in Baghdad gave it to me, but you need it more than I do. However, you
should know that the wound inside you is deeper, and that is the one you should worry about. This will
remind you that you bear God within you.”
“Thank you,” I heard myself stutter, touched by his kindness. “That security guard … he whipped me.
He said I deserved it.”
As
soon as I uttered those words, I was struck by the childish whining in my voice and my need for
comfort and compassion.
Shams of Tabriz shook his head. “They had no right to do that. Every individual is self-sufficient in his
search for the divine. There is a rule regarding this:
We were all created in His image, and yet we were
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