Whatever she hadn’t been able to find, she picked up from the Whole Foods Market on the way home.
Then, on Saturday evenings, David took Ella out to a restaurant (usually Thai or Japanese), and if they
weren’t too tired or drunk or simply not in the mood when they came home, they would have sex. Brief
kisses and tender moves that exuded less passion than compassion. Once their most reliable connection,
sex had lost its allure quite a while ago. Sometimes they went for weeks without making love. Ella found
it odd that sex had once been so important in her life, and now when it was gone, she felt relieved, almost
liberated. By and large she was fine with the idea of a long-married couple gradually abandoning the
plane of physical attraction for a more reliable and stable way of relating.
The only problem was that David hadn’t abandoned sex as much as he had abandoned sex with his
wife. She had never confronted him openly about his affairs, not even hinting of her suspicions. The fact
that none of their close friends knew anything made it easier for her to feign ignorance. There were no
scandals,
no embarrassing coincidences, nothing to set tongues wagging. She didn’t know how he
managed it, given the frequency of his couplings with other women, particularly with his young assistants,
but her husband handled things deftly and quietly. However, infidelity had a smell. That much Ella knew.
If there was a chain of events, Ella couldn’t tell which came first and which followed later. Had her
loss of interest in sex been the cause of her husband’s cheating? Or was it the other way round? Had
David cheated on her first, and then she’d neglected her body and lost her sexual desire?
Either way the outcome remained the same: The glow between them, the light that had helped them to
navigate the uncharted waters of marriage, keeping their desire afloat, even
after three kids and twenty
years, was simply not there anymore.
For the next three hours, her mind was filled with thoughts while her hands were restless. She chopped
tomatoes, minced garlic, sautéed onions, simmered sauce, grated orange peels, and kneaded dough for a
loaf of whole-wheat bread. That last was based on the golden advice David’s mother had given her when
they got engaged.
“Nothing reminds a man of home like the smell of freshly baked bread,” she had said. “Never buy your
bread. Bake it yourself, honey. It will work wonders.”
Working the entire afternoon, Ella set an exquisite table with matching napkins, scented candles, and a
bouquet of yellow and orange flowers so bright and striking they looked almost artificial. For the final
touch, she added sparkly napkin rings. When she was done, the dining table resembled those found in
stylish home magazines.
Tired but satisfied, she turned on the kitchen TV to the local news. A young therapist had been stabbed
in her apartment, an electrical short had caused a fire in a hospital, and four high-school students had been
arrested for vandalism.
She watched the news, shaking her head at the endless dangers looming in the
world. How could people like Aziz Z. Zahara find the desire and courage to travel the less-developed
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