gave him the money with which he bought his murder weapon? Or is it because nobody stopped him
while he was committing the crime? Or is it because someone caught him afterward? Where is the
cause and effect in this case?”
I interjected, cutting his story short, and said, “That man is going to be hanged because what he did was
awful. He is paying for what he did. There is the cause and there, too, the effect. There are good things
and bad things, and a difference between the two.”
“Ah, sweet Kimya,” Shams replied, in a small voice as if he suddenly felt tired. “You like distinctions
because you think they make life easier. What if things are not that clear all the time?”
“But God wants us to be clear. Otherwise there would be no notions of haram or halal. There would be
no hell and heaven. Imagine if you could not scare people with hell or encourage them with heaven. The
world would be a whole lot worse.”
Snowflakes
skittered in the wind, and Shams leaned forward to pull my shawl tighter. For a passing
moment, I stood frozen, inhaling his smell. It was a mixture of sandalwood and soft amber with a faint,
crisp tang underneath, like the smell of earth after the rain. I felt a warm glow in the pit of my stomach and
a wave of desire between my legs. How embarrassing it was—and yet, oddly, not embarrassing at all.
“In love, boundaries are blurred,” said Shams, staring at me half compassionately, half concernedly.
Was he talking about the Love of God or the love between a woman and a man? Could he be referring
to us? Was there such a thing as “us”?
Unaware of my thoughts, Shams continued. “I don’t care about haram or halal. I’d rather extinguish the
fire in hell and burn heaven, so that people could start loving God for no other reason than love.”
“You shouldn’t go around saying such things. People are mean.
Not everyone would understand,” I
said, not realizing that I would have to think more about this warning before its full implications could
sink in.
Shams smiled a brave, almost valiant smile. I allowed him to hold me captive, his palm feeling hot and
heavy against mine.
“Perhaps you are right, but don’t you think that gives me all the more reason to speak my mind?
Besides, narrow-minded people are deaf anyhow.
To their sealed ears, whatever I say is sheer
blasphemy.”
“Whereas to me everything you say is only sweet!”
Shams looked at me with a disbelief that verged on astonishment. But I was more shocked than he was.
How could I have said such a thing? Had I taken leave of my senses? I must have been possessed by a
djinn or something.
“I’m sorry, I’d better go now,” I said as I jumped to my feet.
My
cheeks burning with shame, my heart pounding with all the things we had said and left unsaid, I
scampered out of the courtyard back into the house. But even as I ran, I knew that a threshold had been
crossed. After this moment I could not ignore the truth that I had known all along:
I was in love with
Shams of Tabriz.