ical Connections, was considered hard evidence that nerds with hypnosis
skills could get laid.
"Seduction," DeAngelo read from his notes, "is defined in the diction-
ary as an 'enticement to wrongdoing, specifically the offense of inducing a
woman to consent to unlawful sexual intercourse by enticements which
overcome her scruples.'"
"In other words," he continued, "seduction implies tricking, being dis-
131
honest, and hiding your motives. That is not what I am teaching. I'm teach-
ing something called attraction. Attraction is working on yourself and im-
proving yourself to the point where women are magnetically attracted to
you and want to be around you."
Not once did DeAngelo mention the names of his competitors and ri-
vals. He was too smart for that. He was going to try to take this whole un-
derground world up for air, and he was going to do it by not acknowledging
the underground world at all. He had stopped posting online and, instead,
let his employees stick up for him when he was flamed. He wasn't a genius
or an innovator like Mystery and Ross. But he was a great marketer.
"How do you make someone want something?" he asked, after making
his students practice giving each other James Dean underlooks. "You give it
value. You show that others like it. You make it scarce. And you make them
work for it. I want you to think about other ways during lunch."
I joined DeAngelo and some of his other students for a burger and
found out a little more about him. A struggling real estate agent from Eu-
gene, Oregon, he moved to San Diego for a fresh start. Lonely, he yearned to
cross that invisible barrier separating two strangers at a club. So he began
searching the Web for tips and cultivating friends who were good with
women. One of those friends was Riker, a Ross Jeffries protege who turned
him onto using America Online to meet women. Sending instant messages
was a way for DeAngelo to practice flirting the way his new player friends
did, but without risking public embarrassment.
"That was the chi" he said as students milled about awkwardly, trying
to overhear. "I was learning new ideas, implementing them, and then notic-
ing how women responded on AOL. That's when I learned that busting
women's balls and really slamming them immediately didn't have the effect
that the intuitive mind would guess it would. So I became cocky and funny.
I stole their lines, teased them, accused them of hitting on me, and never
gave them a break."
Flushed with his new findings, DeAngelo delivered a fifteen-page
screed to Cliff's List, one of the most established online seduction newslet-
ters. The then-nascent seduction community ate it up: A new guru had ar-
rived. Cliff, the middle-aged Canadian businessman who ran the list by day
and hunted for new master PUAs to bring into the community by night,
helped convince DeAngelo to spend three weeks turning his manifesto into
an e-book, Double Your Dating.
132
While we were talking, Rick H. joined us. He was one of the friends
DeAngelo had cultivated and was now his roommate in the Hollywood
Hills. I'd heard a lot about Rick H. He was supposed to be the best, a master
PUA who specialized in bisexual women. His garish style of dress, like that
of a Vegas lounge lizard, was one of the inspirations for Mystery's peacock
theory.
Rick H. was short, slightly stocky, and dressed in a large-collared shirt
and a red blazer. Trailing behind him were six attraction adepts eager to
soak up his wisdom. I recognized two of them: Extramask, whose eyes were
swollen nearly shut, and Grimble, who was beginning to have doubts about
his application of Speed Seduction. Hypnotizing women into being groped
in clubs wasn't getting him any girlfriends. So after spending time with
Rick H., Grimble had turned cocky funny. His new approach was to stick
his elbow out whenever a woman walked past, bump her, and then yell
"owwww" loudly, as if she'd hurt him. When she stopped, he'd accuse her of
grabbing his ass. It was much more rewarding, he realized, to be funny in a
bar than creepy.
Rick took a seat at the table and spread himself out comfortably. While
students crammed around him, he began holding court.
He had two rules for women, he said.
The first: No good deed goes unpunished. (A phrase, ironically, that
was coined by a woman, Clare Boothe Luce.)
The second: Always have a better answer.
One of the corollaries of Rick's second rule was to never give a woman
a straight answer to a question. So if a woman asks what you do for a living,
keep her guessing: Tell her you're a cigarette lighter repairman or a white
slave trader or a professional hopscotch player. The first time I tried this, it
didn't go so well. In a five-set in a hotel lobby one night, a woman asked
what my job was. I told her the response I had written on my cheat sheet for
the night: white slave trader. As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized
I probably wasn't going to get a number-close. Everyone in the set was
African-American.
One thing I noticed as Rick talked was that people who liked the sound
of their own voice tended to do better with women—except for soft-spoken
Dustin. Cliff, of Cliff's List, called it big mouth theory.
"Why is this shit so fun to talk about?" Rick H. asked DeAngelo.
"Because we're guys," DeAngelo said, as if it were the most obvious
thing in the world.
133
"Oh, yeah," Rick said. "That's what we do."
When the gurus left, I sat with Extramask. He was sipping apple juice
from a small can. He had a barbell-shaped piercing in the back of his neck
now and if it weren't for his swollen eyes, he would have been the coolest
looking guy at the seminar.
"What happened to you?" I asked.
"I went out with that moon-faced girl and got my second lay ever," he
said. "But even though we fucked three times, I didn't blow my load again.
Either condoms fucking suck or I have mental anxiety and need to calm
down—or Mystery's right and I'm a homo."
"But what does that have to do with your eyes? Did she punch you?"
"No, she had a feather pillow or some shit, and I got an eye infection be-
cause of my allergies."
He said he met her for coffee. They sat together and he ran the ESP test,
a psychological game called the cube, and other demonstrations of value.
When she started laughing at all his jokes—even the ones that weren't
funny—he knew she liked him. They rented the movie Insomnia, went back
to her house, and cuddled together on the couch.
"I had a pretty legit boner going on," he said, matter-of-factly. "You
know, that kind of rock-hardness where you get the pre-cum dabbing your
Underoos."
"I know. Do go on."
"And it was cool because one of her legs was pressed up against my
juicy, rock-hard cock. She definitely felt the hardness. I took off my shirt,
and she started kissing me and feeling my chest. It was cool." He paused
and took a sip of apple juice through a narrow straw. "Then I took her shirt
off, so she was wearing just a bra. I felt her boobies. But when we went to the
bedroom, I had a problem."
"An erection problem?"
"No. She still had her bra on."
"So what's the problem? Just take it off."
"I have no clue how to take off bras. So I just left it on."
"I guess unhooking a bra is something you learn from experience."
"I have a plan, though. Want to hear it?"
"Urn, sure."
"What I'm going to do is take one of my mom's bras and tie it around a
pole or something. Then I'm gonna walk toward the pole blindfolded like
in pin the tail on the donkey, reach the bra, and try to undo it."
134
I gave him a funny look. I couldn't tell if he was joking or not.
"I'm dead serious," he said. "It's a legit way to learn, and you know it'll
work too."
"How was the sex this time?"
"It was like last time. I fucked her beyond belief, for probably a half
hour straight. I was very hard and luscious. But I couldn't spunk a load. I
hate this shit. Seriously, I really want to blow it during sex."
"You're probably thinking about it too much. Or maybe you're just not
into the girls, emotionally."
"Or maybe I just adore the tight grip I use for masturbating," he said,
rubbing his eyes. "I think I got my first blow job, too. Like, I saw her head
near my penis, and I couldn't tell whether she was sucking or not. But it was
cool when my balls were licked."
Grimble walked by and clapped a hand on my shoulder. "The seminar's
starting again," he told me. "Steve P. and Rasputin are speaking, and you
definitely don't want to miss them."
I stood up and left Extramask at the table, alone with his apple juice.
"You know what else I did?" he yelled after me as I left. "I fingered her!"
I turned back to look at him. He made me laugh. He pretended to be so
confused and helpless, but maybe he was smarter than all of us.
"The inside of a vagina isn't at all what I thought it would feel like," he
shouted excitedly. "It feels very organized."
Maybe not.
|