The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (Before 8AM)

— AN ESSENTIAL BONUS —
Everybody needs feedback, and it’s a heck
of a lot cheaper than paying a trainer.
—DOUG LOWENSTEIN
Ask for feedback from people with diverse backgrounds.
Each one will tell you one useful thing.
—STEVE JOBS
I
t was 2 o’clock in the morning. I couldn’t sleep. Still renting a
room  from  Matt,  I  was  sitting  at  my  cheap  imitation-pine  desk,
crammed into my 12’ x 12’ living space. This sucked. Something had
to change. Or maybe I needed to change.
Staring  at  my  laptop  and  feeling  frustrated  with  my  life,  I
suddenly got inspired. I don’t remember exactly what prompted it, but
I  opened  up  a  new  email  and  started  adding  a  very  diverse  group  of
people  to  the To :  field.  Close  friends,  family,  co-workers,  former
bosses,  acquaintances,  the  girl  I  was  dating,  and  even—believe  it  or
not—my ex-girlfriends.  You  name  it,  I  was  ready  to  make  some
radical  changes  in  my  life.  I  was  ready  for  a  quantum  leap  in  my
potential, and I felt the only way for me to get an accurate assessment
of who I was, how I was showing up in my life, and where I needed to
improve was to solicit honest feedback from the people who knew me
best.
I stopped when I got to 23 email addresses, because, well, I am a
huge  fan  of  Michael  Jordan  and  have  a  mild  obsession  with  the

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number  23.  I  began  to  compose  an  email  to  these  people,  who  each
knew  me  in  different  capacities  and  to  varying  degrees,  explaining
that  I  wanted  to  grow  personally,  to  be  a  better  friend,  son,  brother,
and colleague, and that the only thing to do was to get feedback from
people  who  could  see  things  about  me  that  I  couldn’t  see  about
myself.  I  asked  if  they  would  please  take  a  few  minutes  to  reply,  at
their earliest convenience, sharing what they believed were the three
biggest  areas  that  I  needed  to  improve.  I  asked  that  they  be  brutally
honest,  and  assured  them  that  they  would  not  hurt  my  feelings.  In
fact, the only thing that would hurt my feelings was for them to hold
back, because doing so would only limit my growth.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that this was the most nerve-racking
email  I’ve  ever  composed.  I  almost  chickened  out.  I  considered
deleting  it,  and  just  going  to  bed.  Thank  God  I  didn’t.  No,  I  took  a
deep  breath,  and  I  clicked send. Then, I went to bed, fell asleep, and
awaited their responses.
Six hours later, I woke up. Wait,  did I really send that email at 2
o’clock  in  the  morning,  or  was  that  just  a  dream?  I  logged  into  my
email. Nope, not a dream. I definitely sent it. And I already had two
replies. One was from Mom, and the other was from J. Brad Britton, a
well-respected  Region  Manager  at  the  200  million  dollar  company  I
worked for. Oh boy, here goes… I paused for a second and reminded
myself  that  the  purpose  of  this  exercise  was  for  me  to  grow  and
improve,  so  no  matter  what  anyone  said  in  his  or  her  email,  I  was
going  to  keep  an  open  mind  and  not  get  offended.  Easier  said  than
done.
I  opened  Mom’s  email  first. Hey  son,  I  got  your  email. (Really
Mom?  I  had  no  idea  that  you  got  it.)  Well,  you  know  I  think  you’re
perfect!    But  if  I  must  give  you  some  constructive  feedback,  it’s  that
you  should  call  your  mother  more  often!    I  know  you’re  busy,  but  it

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would be nice to hear from you every once in a while. Anyway, I love
you! Come visit soon… Love, Mom. I opened up a blank document on
my  computer  and  titled  it  “Constructive  Feedback  and  My  New
Commitments.” #1. Call Mom at least once a week.
Then  I  opened  the  email  from  my  Region  Manager,  J.  Brad
Britton.  J.  Brad  is  someone  I  admired  and  had  learned  a  great  deal
from. Not to mention, he was one of the most positive people I knew.
Although we only saw each other a few times throughout the year at
conferences  and  on  company  trips,  he  knew  me  well,  at  least  in  a
professional  capacity. My Pal Hal! I love your email. However, I am
only  willing  to  give  you  the  3  pieces  of  “constructive”  feedback  you
have requested if you let me follow it up with 3 things I like about you.
Deal? Okay, here goes…

J.  Brad  proceeded  to  enlighten  me  to  a  few  of  my  professional
and  social  “blind  spots,”  all  of  which  caught  me  by  surprise.  To  be
honest, my feelings did get a bit hurt. I felt a little defensive. That’s
not  true.  I’m  not  really  like  that.  He  obviously  doesn’t  know  me  as
well as I thought he did. Then, it occurred to me that it didn’t matter
how accurate each of his criticisms were, because that was how I was
showing up for him—and probably many others. It was important to
me  not  just  that I  knew  who  I really  was,  but  that  I  was  living  in
alignment with my values, and congruent in all of my relationships.
Email responses continued to pour in over the next few days. By
the  end  of  the  week,  17  of  the  23  recipients  had  replied  with  their
thoughtful  and  (mostly)  constructive  criticisms.  I  had  added  a  lot  to
my  “Constructive  Feedback  and  My  New  Commitments”  document
since making a note of my mom’s request for more frequent contact.
So, what were the results?
Let’s  just  say  that  I  gained  more self-awareness  and  grew  more

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in  a  week  from  reading  those  responses  than  I  had  grown  in  the
previous  5  years  combined—and  possibly  my  entire  life.  It  was
incredible. It wasn’t easy to put myself in such a vulnerable position
and  look  at  all  of  my  flaws—but  it was life-changing. It was career-
advancing.  It  was  relationship-improving. And  it  was  all  a  result  of
mustering  up  enough  courage  to  send  what  is  probably  the  most
important  email  that  I  have  ever  sent: The  Email  That  Will  Change
Your Life.
Before I give you The Email That Will Change Your Life   below,
word-for-word—so  you  can  copy,  edit,  and  send  it  to  your  circle  of
influence—I’d like to take a moment to share some positive feedback
with  you  from  one  of  my  coaching  clients.  She  sent  this  to  me  after
she  had  sent The  Email  That  Will  Change  Your  Life   to  her  circle  of
influence: