STORY 13.
Dave married, and when his new wife saw
the clothes in his cupboard, she said, ‘Dave, you have
only got one good shirt. The others are very old, and they’ve got holes in them. I’m going to buy you a new one
this afternoon.’ Dave liked his old shirts,
but he loved his wife too, so he said, ‘All right, Beryl, but please don’t
throw any of the old ones away.’ Dave went to work, and when he came back in the evening, Beryl said to him,
‘Look, Dave, I’ve bought you a nice shirt. Here it is. Put it on.’ Dave put the shirt on, and then he said, ‘Look at
the sleeves, Beryl. They’re too long.’ ‘That’s all right,’ Beryl answered. ‘They’ll get
shorter when I wash the
shirt.’ Then Dave said, ‘But the neck’s too small.’ ‘That’s all right,’ Beryl answered. ‘It’ll get bigger when you
wear the shirt, Dave.’
STORY 14.
Mrs. Williams lived
in a small street in London, and now she had a new neighbour. Her name was
Mrs. Briggs, and she talked a lot about her expensive furniture, her beautiful carpets and her new kitchen. ‘Do
you know,’ she said to Mrs. Williams one day, ‘I’ve got a new dishwasher. It washes the plates and glasses and
knives and forks beautifully.’ ‘Oh?’ Mrs. Williams answered. ‘And does it dry
them and put them in the
cupboard too?’ Mrs. Briggs was surprised. ‘Well,’ she answered, ‘the things in the machine are dry after an
hour, but it doesn’t put them away, of course.’ ‘I’ve had a dishwasher for twelve and a half years,’ Mrs.
Williams said. ‘Oh?’ Mrs. Briggs answered. ‘And does yours put the things in the cupboard when it has washed
them?’ She laughed nastily. ‘Yes, he does,’ Mrs. Williams answered. ‘He dries the dishes and puts them away.’
STORY 15.
One day a man went to
see his doctor and said to him, ‘I’ve swallowed a horse, doctor, and I feel
very ill.’ The doctor thought for a few seconds and then said, ‘All right, Mr. Lloyd, I’ll help you. Please lie
down on this bed.’ The doctor’s nurse gave the man an injection,
the man went to sleep, and the doctor went out
quickly to look for a horse in the town. After half an hour he found one, borrowed it and took it into his office,
so when Mr. Lloyd woke up, it was there in front of him. ‘Here’s
the horse, Mr. Lloyd,’ the doctor said. ‘I’ve
taken it out of your stomach, and it won’t give you any more trouble now.’ At first Mr. Lloyd was happy, but
then he looked at the horse again and said, ‘But, doctor, my horse was white, and this one’s brown!’
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