5.00am prior to waking. Can't remember much about it. Got the feeling that it challenged my marriage
and suggested that I should move on; this appeared to be around issues of balance / imbalance in my life!
There was a feeling in the dream that I've had this dream before; it felt familiar, but I don't think that is
true; it was more that sense of recurrence was part of the dream and not fact. During the dream I felt
quite objective but on waking I was a little disturbed when reflecting on the content and its possible
meaning. NS 4:6c:x4:x7:xx
I was sitting on a bench with some other people; maybe we had to wait for something. Next to me on the
bench I had a purse or small bag; it was very plain and undecorated (unusual for me in real life) with a zip. A
man came and took things, probably money, out of the purse. I did not do anything to stop him or defend
myself. Later I realised it was Christopher Skase. I think this dream relates to a work problem where my
employer (a management committee of 13 people) is trying to negotiate with the workers to reduce pay and
conditions. I found this dream funny; it was more curious than disturbing. NS 3:6c:x3:17:xx
I am by myself in a small empty square room. The room is a cube, light and airy, like a sacred space; it is
perfectly symmetrical and pure, the surfaces and clear, it is austere and perfect, clinically clean. The light in
the room is luminous without a light source. There is one window, not exactly a window you can open but a
rectangular panel of clear glass also very clean. I am facing the window. Then I see a young woman looking
in; she is about 20 with fair hair and blue eyes, healthy, middle class. The frame of the window defines her
from the head to the abdomen like a portrait. At the sight of her I am absolutely terrified and wake up. NS
(Comment: I have a lot of issues in my life relating to young women, ie my two younger sisters and my four
nieces as well as young women generally particularly at work both co-workers and clients. I feel like I have
to provide for them ie be a role model or help them tangibly. Either they see me as their mother or they fall
in love with me; either way it's a burden for me. As soon as I resolve one of these relationships, another
appears the same. Later in the week I ran into one of these young women who recounted to me that she had
had a dream in which I had gone away; she was a bit anxious about it and asked in reality if I was really
going away). 3:6c:x4:xx:xx
For some reason and Christmas I take a month off work and instead work for a month in a warehouse owned
by Filipino people. I am really looking forward to this. They are really warm and friendly to me. The boss is a
Filipino man aged about 40; he is very pleasant. But later in the dream is a red headed kind of pirate aged
about 45, ie probably with tatoos and a lot of experience of raw life. At one stage I am with a group of these
people and we are walking together. I am carrying a child, a girl, blond aged about one year; she is probably
the daughter of the boss. As we walk she gets heavier and heavier. We are in a kind of stony area near
water (a landscape like Kakadu). She keeps wriggling and then she actually falls into the water. I jump in
and rescue her; luckily she is alright. Everyone is very worried about it; I am just relieved she is safe.
(Comment: I did not have any big emotions in this dream, it was just curious). NS 3:6c:x4:xx:xx
I am visiting my mother (who has dementia in real life); she is in an institution in a kind of communal ward
which is spacious and airy with other people in beds also. I go to make a cup of tea and I see the brick work
in the wall is a bit buckled with water trickling out. I am a bit concerned about this but there is nothing I can
29
do about it. Then I go out with a group of people; we are in some kind of very beautiful idyllic wilderness
area; there are mountains with rainforest, beaches and sea with breakers, the colours are vibrant and
remarkable, like colours in a rainbow; it is pristine and unspoiled. I can see vistas of landscape into a great
distance. The people I am with go on further, but for some reason I cannot follow them. I feel very frustrated
and entirely at a loose end and don't know what to do with myself. NS (Comment: My main feeling in the
dream is frustration). 3:6c:x6:xx:xx
5.00am. I'm at the beach in some place like Mexico; maybe I have been swimming. I am looking for my
dress (cotton, blue) which is buried in the sand; the sand is very dirty and blown about by the wind.
Eventually I do find the dress. I then meet up with my sister and mother. (Comment. I interpret this dream
as issues to do with anxiety and identity. I did not have any strong emotions in the dream). NS
3:6c:19:xx:xx
We were walking along the footpath; it was an urban landscape with trees. An acquaintance of mine was
hanging from ropes as if abseiling down a wall. The ropes were from trees above, possibly fir or pine trees,
big trees. I looked in the distance and saw a herd of kangaroos jump over a high brick wall into someone’s
place, a villa with, again, lots of trees. Then I heard and saw another herd of them coming along the street.
Behind were a bunch of vehicles with their lights on. The procession of vehicles and kangaroos was very
loud. The kangaroos were big and powerful. I remember thinking how awesome it would be to be pushed
over and stomped on by one.
Another dream: There was a long wall. We walked up to the top of the hill to a place for dinner. It was quite
crowded. My cousin walked in in a pair of shorts; this seemed a little incongruous. 2:6c:00:xx:xx
A car like a French Deux-Chevaux van with a snail-like back. It was painted black and seemed to be made of
wood or some smooth substance. Another dream: A vague dream about bricks. 2:6c:04:xx:xx
On waking remembered dream about being in a bar where people were reading out pieces they had written
like poems. A man got up and did his. I can't remember what it was but everyone was saying, "Wow! He can
write!" Then they said the next space was empty. “Who wants to come up and perform?” I had my piece and
was thinking, "Do I have the guts to get up and deliver it?” Then I thought – “Don't let the challenge of
performing it interfere with its quality”. I knew it wasn't ready yet. I decided not to perform it but rather
work on it more until it was the quality I wanted. 7:30c:x3:xx:xx
On waking remembered dream of a man who was going through my front door to get to his place upstairs.
Even when I closed the door and latched it he was easily able to get it open. I confronted him saying I didn't
want him walking through my front door into my place all the time. He didn't seem to understand what I was
concerned about. I was really angry. (This is a recurring dream theme I've been having for the last year or
so. A man or men are coming into my place and I'm a bit scared but most of all furiously angry. Usually I'm
shouting at them to “Fuck off.” 7:30c:x5:xx:xx
CHILL
1.30pm. I feel tired and cold. Am physically weary, but mentally okay. Found myself yawning. My eyes are
difficult to focus and feel like they are rolling back in my head and that I'll fall asleep in the middle of an
interview. Having difficulty concentrating and following what the client is saying. (I had been very focussed
until now, so it feels somewhat quick in onset). I noted feeling indifferent to the idea of exercise
(which I know would help). Am feeling cold. RS 4:6c:x1:16:xx
PERSPIRATION
9.10pm. Feel very cold >for putting on jacket and scarf, then feeling suffocated > for taking scarf off. I
normally love wearing things around my neck. 8:30c:xx:xx:xx
SKIN
Skin is tingling, prickling, and almost itchy. Mostly located on head under hair, but also on face, chest and
upper back. Used to get this as a child when stressed and nervous. 9:30c:x1:13:xx
30
GENERALITIES
Vibration
A very subtle vibration lasting about 10 minutes immediately after taking remedy. 23:30c:00:00:05
Vibration intensity trembling sensation in my torso like a vibration as if lying on a massage pillow, very
strange. 4:6c:xx:xx:xx
Exhaustion/Lethargy
I feel drained of energy. I just want to go and lie down. 23:30c:00:00:25
Generals. Doing everything slowly. Feel very lethargic and tired. Found exercise very difficult and getting
puffed easily. 12:30c:xx:xx:03
Generals. Mornings. Feel tired, depressed and distant from the world. 12:30c:xx:xx:04
Feeling very tired. My whole body feels weary. 4:6c:x1:x1:xx
Woke up very tired. Slept OK, but woke up early and felt exhausted. 9:30c:x2:xx:xx
I’m feeling very tired. I had a hard day, but seem to be more tired than I should be. Need rest.
9:30c:x8:xx:xx
Felt restless and in need of a cigarette to calm me. Felt better after smoking. 9:30c:x9:xx:xx
Fatigue. Was quite tired all day-yawning etc. Quite a common symptom for me a few days prior to my
period. 7:30c:x3:xx:xx
Coldness
1.30pm. I feel tired and cold. Am physically weary, but mentally okay. found myself yawning. My eyes are
difficult to focus and feel like they are rolling back in my head and that I'll fall asleep in the middle of an
interview. Having difficulty concentrating and following what the client is saying. (I had been very focussed
until now, so it
feels somewhat quick in onset). I noted feeling indifferent to the idea of exercise (which I know would help).
Am feeling cold. RS 4:6c:x1:16:xx
9.30pm. I was very tired. Almost asleep when husband called me to answer phone from supervisor -
irritated with husband for waking me. Found it difficult to return to sleep - took about 30 minutes. Helped by
the noise of the TV and radio. 4:6c:x3:xx:xx
11.40am - 12.00noon. The whole body including arms and legs experienced a sensation of chilliness. NS
5:30c:x1:x1:30
8.18pm. - 8.30pm. Body / Face. Face still hot but body very cold. Feeling really cold and shivering even
though I am sitting in front of the heater. NS 5:30c:x1:10:x8
8.35pm – onwards. Body feeling really jittery, can't sit still. Physically restless. Felt compelled to move
from sitting at TV, to walking to kitchen, to TV, to bedroom; this continued, had to move. Still feeling
really cold; body shaking from cold. NS 5:30c:x1:10:25
9.30pm - onwards. Physical restlessness continued though less intense. NS 5:30c:x1:11:20
Felt really good today. Better than usual. No new or old returned symptoms. Increased energy and
improved spirits. Usually awake still tired and improve at 12noon; now improve at 10.30am.
5:30c:x3:xx:xx
I felt frozen all over (Note - Used the word icy. Keeps complaining of being cold). 6:30c:00:02:15
Food and Drinks
31
5.30pm. I wasn't very hungry but had a great desire for “special” food so I got a bruchetta and an Italian
sweet pastry, ie desire for a “treat”. Usually I have sensible healthy food. NS 3:6c:xx:1x:3x
Noticed overall that I'm not desiring alcohol in the same way, to the same degree as usual. Husband
suggested a drink with dinner and I said no! Haven't done that for a long time. 4:6c:x2:xx:xx
Other
All elimination ameliorates, > for routine tasks, the more normal I behaved the better I felt. 8:30c:xx:xx:xx
Heat. I felt hot flushes all over; it came on with nausea. 8:30c:xx:x1:30
I'm really hot and really cold. 8:30c:x2:xx:xx
Heat throughout my body. 4:30c:x2:xx:xx
Suddenly I thought I was coming down with flu because of my hot head and the coldness in my body.
8:30c:x2:xx:xx
Noticing symptoms have a ½ hour periodicity; noticing this since onset of period, then off for hours, <
afternoon. 8:30c:x2:xx:xx
Much more energy today than yesterday; feel quite well. Periodicity Since taking remedy from first day;
calm and self-contained. Following day not. That has repeated itself till today where it was back to calm self-
containment. 7:30c:x4:xx:xx
32
The Full Proving Document
Primary and Secondary Symptoms
MIND
Themes
Created in healthy provers:
Apprehension
Restless anger
Irritability to husband
Driven
Sadness
Guilt
Aversion to company, especially children.
Depressed and sad
Claustrophobia
Biting Nails
Cured
Irritability, restless anger, fatigue, unmotivation, indifference to family, short temper, inability to deal with
stress, dislike of body, mistakes words, suicidal disposition.
Leaving
Calmness, clear, relaxed, grounded, spaced, optimistic, euphoric, energetic, driven, balanced, loving to
family, patience, flexible, calm under pressure and deadlines.
•
Note 1 Beautiful primary and secondary action to remedy by prover 4.
•
Note 2 Some September 11 experiences have been kept in the proving; their validity is questionable
and have been marked S11.
I got up for a minute, feeling apprehensive. 2:6c:00:04:xx
I was feeling restless and over-stimulated all day. I had emotional outbursts, slammed the door, shouted at
my students. I took a while to get to sleep. Everything was strong - my usual tinnitis, the heartbeat and the
emotional affections. 2:6c:04:05:xx
I had this cramping in my legs and feeling so emotional lately, strong emotional outbursts, anger and tearful,
really upset about things. One of my students - I shouted at her and slammed the door. I've never done this
to a student before, but I was so offended and angry. What's the point of teaching anyone who doesn't love
music? I said, “you're playing Mozart like it's a math's problem or like you're taking out the garbage”. It
made me offended and physically sick. Why do I bother? I've also had anxiety and panic attacks and an
anxious feeling in my heart, the hairs have been prickling on my head, tired and apathetic, anxiety, irritable
and palpitations. 2:6c:xx:xx:xx
Got given remedy by supervisor; held it in my hand through the whole break. Talking to K felt really stoned,
like I am losing my mind. Spacey feeling over whole body; all of a sudden feel hot and sweaty.
8:30c:xx:xx:xx
Feel confused, can’t think, get paranoid when I can’t find what I am looking for, > for urination, always >
elimination. 8:30c:xx:xx:xx
Feeling like I am sitting here in a heap; normally I sit very straight. Feel like I could melt into the floor. Feel
really soft, can’t sit up in chair. 8:30c:xx:xx:xx
Vague/Mistakes/Relaxed/Stoned/Drugged/Spacey/Scattered/Concentration
I'm pissed off nothing's happened. I was very excited beforehand, but not much happened. I didn't like the
remedy. I went to bed. I felt comfortable in my body but not comfortable, it's hard to articulate, it's like a
dead calm, I can't sleep when I feel like that. I can hear my insides pulsing, everything is pulsing and
33
vibrating. I'm aware of this constant vibration in my body, the hair on my head stands up, it happens when
I think about the universe and how lucky I am. 1:xx:x1:xx
While driving home from my lover’s home I drove through a red light. 1:6c:00:19:50
While driving to a friend’s place I felt very light headed and relaxed, almost as if I was stoned. As soon as I
walked into her place the feeling disappeared, I think due to the smell of new paint. I immediately felt bright
and perky. I was a bit upset because the whole thing [proving] was ruined, and my stash [of proving
substance] was anti-doted. 1:6c:00:20:25
I began to feel as if I was drugged, very weary in the middle of the afternoon. Eyes felt as if they were fixed
and starey. Very heavy. Sort of vacant feeling. Had to be very careful driving. Lasted 8 hours. Relieved
by sleep. 11:01:03:00
Feel exhausted, drained, yawning a lot. Eyes feel poppy/starey. Want to lie down and shut my eyes.
11:06:00:00
Clumsy more than usual. I dropped a forty-dollar bottle of essential oil, and it broke my heart too. I had a
tantrum, swore, broken, gone, sad, it will never be the same. 8:30c:xx:17:46
After speaking with my supervisor and she said I shouldn’t take any more of the remedy, I felt a great sense
of relief. I was happy not to take the remedy any more. 23:30c:01:02:15
Woke up slowly and melancholy. Feel separated from the world and from those close to me. Need to go
somewhere peaceful and switch off. Very strong feelings - close to tears. 12:30c:xx:xx:02
I noticed that for the past few days (on reflection) I have had trouble with making more errors that usual
with typing (mixing up the letter of words that are easy and I usually spell/type well). Also am making more
mistakes like stick and thicky (for thick and sticky) when reading aloud or went expanding abbreviations into
whole words. 4:6c:x6:xx:xx
At College I found it difficult to concentrate. My mind would wander and ruminate on what a bad person I
was (depressed). Its all too hard, there is too much to learn and to do. I just want it to stop. I was unable to
stay focussed on the meditation for 5 min. I found myself crying and feeling sad but I didn't want anyone to
see.
4:6c:x6:xx:xx
Misjudged parking. I hit the curb and didn't care; concentration and judgment seem to be poor. Forgot phone
and had to go home for it. 4:6c:x7:xx:xx
Don't know if it was due to the remedy, but felt slightly scattered, hard to focus on the computer. I also found
myself looking at something then knowing I needed to go and get another folder to look something up but I just
sat there not moving. Mind developed a spaciness, the body did not respond to the thought, a delayed response.
Lasted about 15-20 minutes.
5:30c:x1:x1:15
Left wallet in the office. Did not notice until I was on the bus.
5:30c:x1:x7:xx
Restless with less concentration. Random, unrelated, unremembered thoughts entered mind.
5:30c:x1:10:25
[Note - Forgetful, vague, forgets what she was about to do, got dates mixed up on paper she gave me - new
for her]. 6:30c:xx:xx:xx
Putting shopping away, I knocked a glass bottle of apple juice and it shattered on the kitchen floor. I felt the
most intense anger, and I threw a packet of rice down, which also broke and made even more mess. I felt
murderous, poisonous anger. I felt like smashing the whole kitchen up. I was horrible to everyone who tried
to help me or placate me. The anger was physical and I had to fight to control it. 15 minutes duration. NS
16:x4:xx:xx
Noticed I am making mistakes in writing and spelling. Leaving letters off the beginning and end of words,
forgetting how simple words are spelt, getting worse for and better for symbols confused. NS 16:x5:xx:xx
34
Spells of totally forgetting how to spell words – feels like a blank space in my consciousness. NS
6:x6:xx:xx
Felt as if “not fully there” on the way to work I felt “in my head a bit” and I was not paying attention. My
mind wandered; drifting off sort of thing, “a spacey feeling.” 9:30c:x1:13:xx
Having difficulty working. I start something and then forget what I was about to do. I then stared blankly for
a while thinking about what is next. Feeling tired. I feel disrupted and can’t concentrate. 9:30c:x1:20:xx
Clear/Grounded
7.38am. Took first dose of remedy. Did a meditation. Image. Almost immediately the image of deep forest,
green trees and snow covered land. Hilly, coming down to a stream. It was all very clear. I saw snow and
was aware of the silence and the way snow blankets and deadens noise. I could hear the stream water. It
was an incredibly pristine environment and very, very peaceful. After 15 minutes the images were still there.
It was a daytime image. There was a sense of Canada about it. This seemed an unusual image for me as
most of my nature images are summer oceans, gardens and night. I felt separate from my usual self. Also
felt very calm, especially as I’ve been really agitated lately. Felt close to tears. I’m a bit numb. Also very
tired. 7:30c:xx:xx:x2
Calm and tired. All day felt extremely calm. Mind not agitated at all. A bit tired too - almost as if drugged.
7:30c:xx:x1:30
Immediately after taking the remedy I felt the combination of calmness and tiredness. Almost as if drugged.
7:30c:xx:14:07
Delusion a small black thing moves from the corner of the room. This happened 4 or 5 times in the space of
half an hour. Have had this type of thing before but previously it was always the delusion of a spider. This
was like it was a bigger object. 7:30c:xx:14:15
Sometime after that became aware of rushed anxious feeling. Have lots to do today to get organised before
going away overnight. Feel anxiety about being disorganised with all the “jobs” I need to do. 7:30c:x1:x2:xx
Calm feeling throughout day and into evening. Mind not turning over and over. 7:30c:x2:xx:xx
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