You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing:
no one to blame - Erica Jong
The victim says: Every bad thing in my life is
others’ fault, but
if you are not part of the problem, then you also can’t be a
part of the solution
or - in other words - if the problem is caused by the outside,
the solution is also on the outside. If you’re coming in late to work because of
“traffic”, what has to happen so that you can get to work on time? Traffic has to
disappear magically! Because as long as there is traffic - you will always be late.
Or you can act like a protagonist and leave home on time. Then it depends on
you.
So once again: even if you don’t have control over the stimuli that environment
sends you continuously, you have the liberty do choose your behavior in facing
the situation.
The person with a “victim mentality” only reacts, is always innocent, and
constantly blames others for his or her life situation, while using the past as
justification and putting their hopes on a future which will miraculously bring
solutions to problems or a change in others who are causing the troubles.
The protagonist knows that he or she is responsible, chooses adequate behavior
and holds himself accountable. He uses the past as a valuable experience from
which to learn, lives in the present where he sees constant opportunities for
change, and decides and goes after his future goals. The most important question
is: “Who will you choose to be – by your actions – when life presents you with
these circumstances?”
Gandhi said it very nicely: “They can’t take away our self-respect if we don’t
give it to them.”
Ask yourself the following questions:
Who are you blaming for your life
situation right now? (Your partner? Your boss? Your parents? Your friends?)
What would happen if you stopped blaming the others for what happens to you
in your life?
What would happen if you would stop being a victim of the circumstances?
Is it comfortable for you being the victim?
What benefits does it have for you to be a victim?
What would happen if you stopped suffering in your life and took the decision to
change it?
What would you change?
Where could you start?
How would you start?
Action Step:
Write down five things that you can do in the coming week to start changing the
course and start taking charge of your life.
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