Ask More: The Power of Questions to Open Doors, Uncover Solutions, and Spark Change pdfdrive com

CHAPTER 5
THE GENTLE INTERROGATOR
Bridging Questions
W
HEN
I
CONDUCT AN INTERVIEW
, most of the time guests show up willingly, even
happily. They want to make their point, tell their story, or sell their book. They want
to speak to the wider world and share their thoughts or experiences. Certainly that’s
true for guests who go on Terry Gross’s show. She offers an audience in the millions.
People make appointments to see Betty Pristera so she can question their inner selves
and peel back their defenses. They want her help. But what about people who do not
want to connect? How do you build bridges to people who are suspicious or
distrustful, resentful or worse? What happens when someone you want to draw out
doesn’t want to talk? Reaching out to the suspicious or wary requires a special touch,
extra patience, and bridgebuilding questions designed to establish a relationship and
build trust with someone who may not be receptive.
?
You may be looking for a specific piece of information. Why is the new guy
hovering in the office? You may want an explanation from a person who would
rather not share it. Is your teen planning a party when you are out of town? Your
approach to the “person of interest” in these conversations can become a delicate
dance. But your chances of getting someone to talk will be improved if you ask
the right questions in the right way—if you build bridges. You need to know:
What’s going on?
What are they thinking?
Do we have a problem?
People have a lot of reasons to shut down. They may be hiding or ashamed
of something. They may be suspicious of you because of your position or your
history together. They may be hostile, aggrieved, or convinced that the world is
against them. They may be secretive by nature. Or they may just be up to no

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good.
Bridging questions are intended to encourage people to talk when they don’t
want to. They coax information, glean detail, and assess intent and capability.
They are intended for the colleague, the customer, the neighbor, the parent, the
child—the suspect—who shuts down, harbors a grudge, or is thinking of doing
things he or she should not do.
Bridging questions are a calculated and clever way to get people to tell you
things. Sometimes I have used this approach unconsciously, when I interviewed
people who were glued to their talking points, suspicious of the media, or caught
up in scandal or wrongdoing. All of them were on edge, defenses raised. Few
were inclined to offer information willingly. So I needed to wend my way to the
relevant parts. I needed to make it easier for them to speak, holding back on the
central point or toughest question until we had built a certain rapport and the
moment was right. If I’d understood more about this line of inquiry—and the
research that’s gone into it—I might have gotten a few more scoops and stories
out of those interviews.
The principles behind bridging questions support a specific and clear
outcome: getting a closed person to open up. Your prospects are enhanced if
you:
Know what you’re after. Be clear about what you want to pursue and the nature
of the problem. Have a focus and a destination in mind.
Avoid triggers. Don’t start with accusations or questions that prompt
defensiveness. Go instead for conversation. You want to open a channel of
communication. You’re in this for the long haul.
Don’t accuse, ask. Start with the person’s grievance and inquire about it. What’s
wrong? What’s unfair? Then ask about rationale and motivations.
Affirm and validate. Walking someone across a bridge takes them farther than
pushing them off a cliff. You want answers, background, and insight, so you
want to encourage discussion. Guide and affirm. Offer rewards. Look for small
ways to move across the bridge. The main thing is to get your subject talking. Be
patient. This may take a while.
Get Them Talking

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In this chapter, I introduce you to someone whose experience, insight, and work
offer a travel guide to the toughest and most reluctant human terrain. He teaches
how to question the most vexing characters. Though the examples he offers are
extreme, the tactics are not. If you’ve ever tried to get answers from someone
who won’t open up or who you think is harboring secrets or sitting on some bad
stuff, you know how important these questions can be.