Reminders of Him

flibbering meant, and she said it’s when she wears flip-flops, and her feet
slip out of them. And she thinks soaking means ‘very.’ She’ll say, ‘I’m
soaking tired,’ or, ‘I’m soaking hungry.’”
It hurts too much to even laugh at that. I force a smile, but I think
Ledger can sense that stories about a daughter I’m not allowed to know are
ripping me in two. He stops smiling and then walks to the sink and washes
the glass. “You ready?”
I nod and hop off the table.
On the drive home, he says, “What are you going to do with the
letters?”

---

“Nothing,” I say immediately. “I just like writing them.”
“What are the letters about?”
“Everything. Sometimes nothing.” I look out my window so he can’t
read the truth on my face. But something in me makes me want to be honest
with him. I want Ledger to trust me. I have a lot to prove. “I’m thinking
about compiling them and putting them into a book someday.”
That gives him pause. “Will it have a happy ending?”
I’m still looking out the window when I say, “It’ll be a book about my
life, so I don’t see how it could.”
Ledger keeps his eyes on the road when he asks, “Do any of the letters
talk about what happened the night Scotty died?”
I put space between his question and my answer. “Yes. One of them
does.”
“Can I read it?”
“No.”
Ledger’s eyes meet mine briefly. Then he looks in front of him and
flips on his blinker to turn onto my street. He pulls into a parking spot and
leaves his truck running. I don’t know if I should get out immediately, or if
there’s anything left to be said between us. I put my hand on the door
handle.
“Thank you for the job.”
Ledger taps the steering wheel with his thumb and nods. “I’d say you
earned it. The kitchen hasn’t been that organized since I’ve owned the
building, and you’ve only worked one shift.”
His compliment feels good. I absorb it and then tell him good night.
As much as I want to look back at him when I get out of his truck, I
keep my focus ahead of me. I listen for him to back out, but he doesn’t,
which makes me think he watches me as I walk all the way up to my
apartment.
Once I’m inside, Ivy immediately runs up to me. I pick her up and
leave the lights off as I walk to the window to peek out.
Ledger is just sitting in his truck, staring up at my apartment. I
immediately press my back against the wall next to the window. Finally, I
hear his engine rev up as he backs out of the parking spot.
“Ivy,” I whisper, scratching her head. “What are we doing?”

---

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
LEDGER
“Ledger!”
I glance up from packing the equipment, and I immediately start
packing faster. The mom brigade is walking toward me. When they come at
me in group formation like this, it’s never good. There are four of them, and
they have matching chairs with each of their children’s names on the backs
of them. They’re either going to tell me I’m not playing their kids enough,
or they’re about to try to set me up with one of their single friends.
I glance at the playground, and Diem is still out there playing chase
with two of her friends. Grace is keeping an eye on her, so I get the last
helmet in the bag, but it’s too late to pretend I didn’t notice they were trying
to get my attention.
Whitney speaks first. “We heard Diem’s mother showed back up.”
I make brief eye contact with her, but try not to show any sort of
surprise that they know Kenna is in town. None of them actually knew
Kenna in the brief time she dated Scotty. None of these women even knew
Scotty.
But they know Diem, and they know me, and they know the story. So,
they think they’re entitled to the truth. “Where’d you hear that?”
“Grace’s coworker told my aunt,” one of the mothers says.
“I can’t believe she actually had the nerve to come back,” Whitney
says. “Grady said Grace and Patrick filed a restraining order.”
“They did?” I play dumb, because it’s better than letting them know
how much I know. They’ll just ask more questions.
“You didn’t know?” Whitney asks.
“We talked about it. Wasn’t sure if they went through with it.”
“I don’t blame them,” she says. “What if she tries to take Diem?”

---

“She wouldn’t do that,” I say. I throw the bag in my truck and slam the
tailgate shut.
“I wouldn’t put it past her,” Whitney says. “Addicts do crazy shit.”
“She isn’t an addict.” I say it too adamantly. Too quickly. I can see
suspicion in Whitney’s eyes.
I wish Roman were at this game. He couldn’t make it today, and he’s
usually my excuse to escape the mom brigade. Some of them are friends
with Leah, so they don’t flirt with me directly, out of respect for her. But
Roman isn’t off limits, so I usually leave him to the wolves when they show
up.
“Tell Grady I said hello.” I walk away from them and head toward
Grace and Diem.
I don’t know how to defend Kenna in these kinds of situations. I don’t
know that I should. But it feels wrong allowing everyone to continue to
think the worst of her.
I didn’t tell Kenna I was picking her up today, but I didn’t know I was until
I was on my way to the bar and realized it was almost time for her shift at
the grocery store to end.
I pull into the parking lot, and it’s not even two whole minutes before
she walks outside. She doesn’t notice my truck. She walks toward the road,
so I drive across the parking lot to intercept her.
She sees my truck, and I swear she makes a face when I point to the
passenger door. She mutters “Thanks” when she opens the door. And then,
“You don’t have to give me rides. I’m fine walking.”
“I just left the ball field; it was on my way.”
She sets her purse between us and then pulls on her seat belt. “Is she
any good at T-ball?”
“Yeah. I don’t think she likes the game as much as she likes hanging
out with her friends, though. But if she stuck with it, I think she’d be pretty
good.”
“What else does she do besides T-ball?”
I can’t blame Kenna for being curious. I’ve put myself in this position
by already sharing too much with her, but now the moms have planted a

---

seed in my head.
What if she’s only asking so she can get a handle on Diem’s schedule?
The more she knows about Diem’s activities, the easier it would be for her
to show up and take her. I feel guilty even thinking that, but Diem is my
number one priority in life, so I’d feel even shittier not feeling a little
overprotective.
“I’m sorry,” Kenna says. “I shouldn’t ask you questions you don’t feel
comfortable answering. It’s not my place.”
She looks out her window as I pull onto the street. She does this thing
where she flexes her fingers and then grips her thighs. Diem does the same
thing with her fingers. It’s incredible how two people who have never met
can have so many of the same mannerisms.
It’s too loud in the truck, and I feel like I need to warn her, so I roll up
my window as I pick up speed. “They filed a restraining order against you.”
I see her look at me out of the corner of my eye. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. I wanted to give you a heads-up before you get served papers.”
“Why would they do that?”
“I think what happened at the grocery store scared Grace.”
She shakes her head and looks back out her window. She doesn’t say
anything else until we pull up to the alley behind the bar.
I feel like I’ve set her up for failure tonight by putting her in a bad
mood as soon as she got in my truck. I shouldn’t have told her about the
restraining order right before her shift, but I feel like she has the right to
know. She honestly hasn’t done anything to deserve being served a
restraining order, but the simple fact that she exists in the same town as
Diem is reason enough for the Landrys to file one on her.
“She takes dance,” I say, answering her earlier question about Diem. I
put my truck in park and pull up the video from her recital. “That’s where I
was last night. She had a recital.” I hand Kenna the phone.
She watches the first several seconds with a straight face and then
bursts into laughter.
I hate that I love watching Kenna’s face when she watches videos of
Diem. It does something to me. Makes me feel something I probably
shouldn’t be feeling. But I like the feeling, and it makes me wonder what it
would be like getting to witness Kenna and Diem interact in real life.

---

Kenna watches the video three times with a huge smile on her face.
“She’s horrible!”
It makes me laugh. There’s a joy to her voice that isn’t usually there,
and I wonder if that joy would always be present if Diem were a part of
Kenna’s life.
“Does she like dance?” Kenna asks.
I shake my head. “No. After the recital was over, she said she wanted
to quit and do ‘that thing with the swords.’”
“Fencing?”
“She wants to try everything. All the time. But she never sticks to
anything because she gets bored with it and thinks the next thing will be
more interesting.”
“They say boredom is a sign of intelligence,” Kenna says.
“She’s very smart, so that would make sense.”
Kenna smiles, but as she hands me back my phone, her smile falters.
She opens the door and heads toward the back door, so I follow suit.
I open the back door for her, and we’re greeted by Aaron. “Hey, boss,”
he says. “Hey, Nic.”
Kenna walks over to him, and he lifts a hand. They high-five like
they’ve known each other a lot longer than just one shift.
Roman walks into the back holding a tray of empty bottles. He nods at
me. “How’d it go?”
“No one cried and no one vomited,” I say. That’s what we consider a
successful day in T-ball.
Roman gets Kenna’s attention. “She had gluten-free. I put three of
them in the fridge for you.”
“Thank you,” Kenna says. It’s the first hint of excitement I’ve ever
seen come from her that had nothing to do with Diem. I have no idea what
they’re talking about. I was gone for a few hours last night, and it’s like she
developed personal relationships with everyone here.
And why is Roman buying her three of whatever it is they’re talking
about?
Why am I having a slight visceral reaction to the thought of Kenna
and Roman becoming close? Would he hit on her? Would I even have a
right to be jealous? When I got back to the bar last night, they were taking
their break at the same time. Did Roman do that on purpose?

---

Right when I have that thought, Mary Anne shows up for her shift.
She hands Kenna a pair of what look like noise-cancelling headphones.
Kenna says, “You’re a lifesaver.”
“I knew I had an extra pair at home,” Mary Anne says. She passes me
and says, “Hey, boss,” before heading to the front.
Kenna hangs the headphones around her neck and then ties her apron.
The headphones aren’t even attached to anything, and she doesn’t have a
phone. I’m confused about how she’s going to listen to music with them.
“What are those for?” I ask her.
“To drown out the music.”
“You don’t want to hear music?”
She faces the sink, but not before I see her expression falter. “I hate
music.”
She hates music? Is that even a thing? “Why do you hate music?”
She looks at me over her shoulder. “Because it’s sad.” She covers her
ears with the headphones and starts running water in the sink.
Music is the one thing that grounds me. I couldn’t imagine not being
able to connect with it, but Kenna is right. Most songs are about love or
loss, two things that are probably incredibly difficult for her to absorb in
any medium.
I leave her to her duties and head to the front to start on mine. We
haven’t opened just yet, so the bar is empty. Mary Anne is unlocking the
front door, so I pause next to Roman. “Three what?”
He glances at me. “Huh?”
“You said you put three of something in the fridge for Kenna.”
“Nicole,” he corrects, looking across the room at Mary Anne. “And I
was talking about cupcakes. Her landlord can’t have gluten, and she’s trying
to stay on her good side.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, something about her electric bill.” Roman side-eyes me
and then walks away.
I’m glad she’s getting along with everyone, but there’s also a small