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Pop in to see someone 
when you’re in the area?
Or give someone a quick
call? That’s how it used
to be, but not announcing
yourself beforehand just
isn’t acceptable anymore.
“Hi, Lis, would you be free for a phone call later this
week?” This type of question drops into my office 
email almost daily – and I am guilty of sending the
same enquiry to colleagues and business contacts 
in return.
The communication to arrange a communication is
so normal that it’s hard to recall how it felt in the 
time before email, when, if you wanted to speak to
someone, you just (horror!) dialled their number
. 
Nowadays, if a business associate calls unexpectedly
,
I immediately assume someone is in trouble – and 
quite possibly, that someone is me.
I’ve noticed that even friends have started texting to
see when we might find a moment to speak. I hope it
is nothing that I have done to appear unavailable for
spontaneous conversation and rather that social media
allows an additional layer of checking a person’s free
time. But it’s all a bit uptight, isn’t it?
Modern etiquette for pre-notification extends to our
homes, where the idea of an unscheduled visitor fills
many with dread. My mother’s generation may be
the last to say, “I popped in to see Betty on my way
home from town.” When I hear this, my face contorts
into a Munch-like Scream as I think, “poor 
Betty” – but Betty seems to be genuinely OK with
impromptu arrivals.
I’d like to be more “Betty”, although I fear it’s too
late. Check online forums and you will see that most
people now find it “rude” when a friend appears 
unexpectedly. Millennials, it is said, don’t even answer
the door. An entertaining thread on Twitter earlier this 
year began when someone in the US suggested young
people were “killing the doorbell industry”. Any visitor
they were expecting would text their approach. Obvs. 
Similar reports, found in sources ranging from 
The 
Wall Street Journal
to 
BuzzFeed News
, indicate that
many youngsters find the doorbell alarming in the 
wrong sense.
The good news for those who face such angst is that
the chance of anyone coming round is decreasing. 
The UK government’s latest National Travel Survey
found that between 2002 and 2017, the number of 
trips to visit friends fell by 30 per cent. The irony 
of us acquiring a highly developed sense of privacy
and personal space in an era when we willingly share
so much of our lives on social media is clear and, I 
suspect, complex. Still, a world in which one has 1,000
“friends” on Facebook but none that you’d be pleased 
to see walking up your garden path uninvited is 
somewhat saddening. Call me if you feel differently
–
but please email first.
ELISABETH RIBBANS is a British journalist and
editorial consultant. She is also a former managing
editor of 
The Guardian
in London.