Games People Play

Thesis
: How bad I've been; see if you can stop me. Aim: Self-castigation. 
Roles
: Alcoholic, Persecutor, Rescuer, Patsy, Connection. Dynamics: Oral deprivation. 
Examples
: (1) See if you can catch me. The prototypes of this game are difficult to correlate 
because of its complexity. Children, however, particularly children of alcoholics, often go through 
many of the maneuvers characteristic of the Alcoholic. "See if you can stop me," which involves 
lying, hiding things, seeking derogatory comments, looking for helpful people, finding a benevolent 
neighbor who will give free handouts, etc. Self-castigation is often postponed to later years.
(2) The alcoholic and his circle, Social Paradigm: Adult-Adult. 
Adult: "Tell me what you really think of me or help me stop drinking." 
Adult: "I'll be frank with you." Psychological Paradigm: Parent-Child. Child: "See if you can stop 
me." Parent: "You must stop drinking because. . . ."
Moves: (1) Provocation—accusation or forgiveness. (2) Indulgence—anger or disappointment. 
Advantages
: (1) Internal Psychological—(a) Drinking as a procedure—rebellion, reassurance and 
satisfaction of craving. (b) "Alcoholic" as a game—self-castigation (probable). (2) External 
Psychological—avoidance of sexual and other forms of intimacy. (3) Internal Social—See if you 
can stop me. (4) External Social—"Morning After," "Martini," and other pastimes. (5) Biological—
alternating loving and angry exchanges. (6) Existential—Everybody wants to deprive m, 
2 DEBTOR 
Thesis
. "Debtor" is more than a game. In America it tends to become a script, a plan for a whole 
lifetime, just as it does in some of the jungles of Africa and New Guinea.2 There the relatives of a 
young man buy him a bride at an enormous price, putting him in their debt for years to come. Here 
die same custom prevails, at least in the more civilized sections of the country, except that the bride 
price becomes a house price, and if there is no stake from the relatives, this role is taken on by the 
bank. Thus the young man in New Guinea with an old wrist watch dangling from his ear to ensure 
success, and the young man in America with a new wrist watch wrapped around his arm to ensure 
success, both feel that they have a "purpose" in life. The big celebration, the wedding or 
housewarming, takes place not when the debt is discharged, but when it is undertaken. What is 
emphasized on TV, for example, is not the middle-aged man who has finally paid off his mortgage, 
but the young man who moves into his new home with his family, proudly waving the papers he 
has just signed and which will bind him for most of his productive years. After he has paid his 
debts—the mortgage, the college expenses for his children and his insurance—he is regarded as a 
problem, a "senior citizen" for whom society must provide not only material comforts but a new 
"purpose." As in New Guinea, if he is very shrewd, he may become a big creditor instead of a big 
debtor, but this happens relatively rarely. 
As this is written, a sow bug crawls across a desk. If he is turned over on his back, one can observe 
the tremendous struggle he goes through to get on his feet again. During this interval he has a 
"purpose" in his life. When he succeeds, one can almost see the look of victory on his face. Off he 
goes, and one can imagine him telling his tale at the next meeting of sow bugs, looked up to by the 
younger generation as an insect who has made it. And yet mixed with his smugness is a little 
disappointment. Now that he has come out on top, life seems aimless. Maybe he will return in the 
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hope of repeating his triumph. It might be worth marking his back with ink, so as to recognize him 
if he risks it. A courageous animal, the sow bug. No wonder he has survived for millions of years. 
Most young Americans, however, take their mortgages very seriously only in times of stress. If 
they are depressed, or the economic situation is bad, their obligations keep them going -and may 
prevent some of them from committing suicide. Most of the time they play a mild game of "If It 
Weren't for the Debts," but otherwise enjoy themselves. Only a few make a career out of playing a 
hard game of "Debtor," 
"Try and Collect" (TAG) is commonly played by young married couples, and illustrates how a 
game is set up so that the player "wins" whichever way it goes. The Whites obtain all sorts of goods 
and services on credit, petty or luxurious, depending on their backgrounds and how they were 
taught to play by their parents or grandparents. If the creditor gives up after a few soft efforts to 
collect, then the Whites can enjoy their gains without penalty, and in this sense they win. If the 
creditor makes more strenuous attempts, then they enjoy the pleasures of the chase as well as the 
use of their purchases. The hard form of the game occurs if the creditor is determined to collect. In 
order to get his money he will have to resort to extreme measures. These usually have a coercive 
element—going to White's employers or driving up to his house in a noisy, garish truck labeled in 
big letters COLLECTION AGENCY. 
At this point there is a switch. White now knows that he will probably have to pay. But because of 
the coercive element, made clear in most cases by the "third letter" from the collector ("If you do 
not appear at our office within 48 hours. . . ."), White feels peremptorily justified in getting angry; 
he now switches over to a variant of "Now I've Got You, You Son of a Bitch." In this case he wins 
by demonstrating that the creditor is greedy, ruthless and untrustworthy. The two most obvious 
advantages of this are (1) it strengthens White's existential position, which is a disguised form of 
"All creditors are grasping," and (2) it offers a large external social gain, since he is now in a 
position to abuse the creditor openly to his friends without losing his own status as a "Good Joe." 
He may also exploit further internal social gain by confronting the creditor himself. In addition, it 
vindicates his taking advantage of the credit system: if that is the way creditors are, as he has now 
shown, why pay anybody? 
"Creditor," in the form "Try and Get Away With It" (TAGAWI), is sometimes played by small 
landlords. TAG and TAGAWI players readily recognize each other, and because of the prospective 
transactional advantages and the promised sport, they are secretly pleased and readily become 
involved with each other. Regardless of who wins the money, each has improved the other's 
position for playing "Why Does This Always Happen To Me?" after it is all over. 
Money games can have very serious consequences. If these descriptions sound facetious, as they do 
to some people, it is not because they relate to trivia but because of the exposure of trivial 
motivations behind matters people are taught to take seriously.