Games People Play



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Games People Play The Psychology of Human Relationships by Eric Berne (z-lib.org)

5 UPROAR 
Thesis
. The classical game is played between domineering fathers and teen-age daughters, where 
there is a sexually inhibited mother. Father comes home from work and finds fault with daughter, 
who answers impudently; or daughter may make the first move by being impudent, whereupon 
father finds Fault. Their voices rise, and the clash becomes more acute. The outcome depends on 
who has the initiative. There are three possibilities; (a) father retires to his bedroom and slams the 
door (b) daughter retires to her bedroom and slams the door (c) both retire to their respective 
bedrooms and slam the doors. In any case, the end of a game of "Uproar" is marked by a slamming 
door. "Uproar" offers a distressing but effective solution to the sexual problems that arise between 
fathers and teen-age daughters in certain households. Often they can only live in the same house 
together if they are angry at each other, and the slamming doors emphasize for each of them the 
fact that they have separate bedrooms. 
In degenerate households this game may be played in a sinister and repellent form in which father 
waits up for daughter whenever she goes out on a date, and examines her and her clodiing carefully 
on her return to make sure that she has not had intercourse. The slightest suspicious circumstance 
may give rise to the most violent altercation, which may end with the daughter being expelled from 
the house in the middle of the night. In the long run nature will take its course—if not that night 
then the next, or the one after. Then the father's suspicions are "justified," as he makes plain to the 
mother, who has stood by "helplessly" while all this went on. 
In general, however, "Uproar" may be played between any two people who are trying to avoid 
sexual intimacy. For example, it is a common terminal phase of "Frigid Woman." It is relatively 
rare between teen-age boys and their female relatives, because it is easier for teen-age boys to 
escape from the house in the evening than for other members of the family. At an earlier age 
brothers and sisters can set up effective barriers and partial satisfactions through physical combat, a 
pattern which has various motivations at different ages, and which in America is a semi-ritualistic 
form of "Uproar" sanctioned by television, pedagogic and pediatric authorities. In upper-class 
England it is (or was) considered bad form, and the corresponding energies are channeled into the 
well-regulated "Uproar" of the playing fields. 
Antithesis
. The game is not as distasteful to the father as he might like to think, and it is generally 
the daughter who makes the antithetical move through an early, often premature or forced marriage. 
If it is psychologically possible, the mother can make the antithetical move by relinquishing her 
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relative or absolute frigidity. The game may subside if the father finds an outside sexual interest, 
but that may lead to other complications. In die case of married couples, the antitheses are the same 
as for "Frigid Woman" or "Frigid Man." 
Under appropriate circumstances "Uproar" leads quite naturally into "Courtroom." 
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