George Bernard Shaw a penn State Electronic Classics Series Publication

himself ungraciously on the ottoman, with his face towards the
windows]. But I think you might have told me this half an
hour ago.
MRS. HIGGINS
. Eliza came to me this morning. She passed
the night partly walking about in a rage, partly trying to
throw herself into the river and being afraid to, and partly in
the Carlton Hotel. She told me of the brutal way you two
treated her.
HIGGINS 
[bounding up again] What!
PICKERING [rising also] My dear Mrs. Higgins, she’s been
telling you stories. We didn’t treat her brutally. We hardly
said a word to her; and we parted on particularly good terms.
[Turning on Higgins]. Higgins did you bully her after I went
to bed?
HIGGINS
. Just the other way about. She threw my slippers
in my face. She behaved in the most outrageous way. I never
gave her the slightest provocation. The slippers came bang
into my face the moment I entered the room—before I had
uttered a word. And used perfectly awful language.
PICKERING 
[astonished] But why? What did we do to her?

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70
Pygmalion
MRS. HIGGINS
. I think I know pretty well what you did.
The girl is naturally rather affectionate, I think. Isn’t she,
Mr. Doolittle?
DOOLITTLE
. Very tender-hearted, ma’am. Takes after me.
MRS. HIGGINS
. Just so. She had become attached to you
both. She worked very hard for you, Henry! I don’t think
you quite realize what anything in the nature of brain work
means to a girl like that. Well, it seems that when the great
day of trial came, and she did this wonderful thing for you
without making a single mistake, you two sat there and never
said a word to her, but talked together of how glad you were
that it was all over and how you had been bored with the
whole thing. And then you were surprised because she threw
your slippers at you! I should have thrown the fire-irons at
you.
HIGGINS
. We said nothing except that we were tired and
wanted to go to bed. Did we, Pick?
PICKERING 
[shrugging his shoulders] That was all.
MRS. HIGGINS 
[ironically] Quite sure?
PICKERING
. Absolutely. Really, that was all.
MRS. HIGGINS
. You didn’t thank her, or pet her, or ad-
mire her, or tell her how splendid she’d been.
HIGGINS 
[impatiently] But she knew all about that. We
didn’t make speeches to her, if that’s what you mean.
PICKERING 
[conscience stricken] Perhaps we were a little
inconsiderate. Is she very angry?
MRS. HIGGINS 
[returning to her place at the writing-table]
Well, I’m afraid she won’t go back to Wimpole Street, espe-
cially now that Mr. Doolittle is able to keep up the position
you have thrust on her; but she says she is quite willing to
meet you on friendly terms and to let bygones be bygones.
HIGGINS 
[furious] Is she, by George? Ho!
MRS. HIGGINS
. If you promise to behave yourself, Henry,
I’ll ask her to come down. If not, go home; for you have
taken up quite enough of my time.
HIGGINS
. Oh, all right. Very well. Pick: you behave your-
self. Let us put on our best Sunday manners for this creature
that we picked out of the mud. [He flings himself sulkily into
the Elizabethan chair].
DOOLITTLE 
[remonstrating] Now, now, Henry Higgins!

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71
Shaw
have some consideration for my feelings as a middle class
man.
MRS. HIGGINS
. Remember your promise, Henry. [She
presses the bell-button on the writing-table]. Mr. Doolittle: will
you be so good as to step out on the balcony for a moment.
I don’t want Eliza to have the shock of your news until she
has made it up with these two gentlemen. Would you mind?
DOOLITTLE
. As you wish, lady. Anything to help Henry
to keep her off my hands. [He disappears through the win-