Guide to Informed Choices
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diagnosed with a heart problem called pulmonary atresia, which would require several surgeries after birth — if she survived labor — and might become brain damaged from lack of oxygen. Nobody wants this for their child. Nobody. But what faulty logic that somehow she (it was a girl) would be better off if she was killed now by the doctors than later by her own sickness. Surely she will go back to God when she is meant to, in her own timing. If God had intended this to be the plan for life, then we would all be killing everybody left, right and center, because surely heaven is better than life on earth and since we love everybody we don‘t want them to suffer here. But of course, that‘s faulty logic. ―They were not sure how long she would live after the surgeries. One week, one year or five years… I loved her so much that I would rather her go back to God than suffer for even one day.‖ 468
sent him back to God. I‘d like to know how God feels about having his children denied entry and sent back. Don‘t forget the woman who was 35 weeks pregnant when she found out her baby had Down Syndrome. She decided to abort him, because keeping him was not an option and she couldn‘t bear the thought of adoption — ―How could we do that and always wonder ―did our child make it? Was our child well-cared for?‖ 469
How crazy that one would kill a sick child rather than allow him cared for by another, because you‘re not sure if he‘ll make it. He certainly won‘t make it if you abort him. I‘m not trying to minimize the pain or the overwhelming sadness and dissappointment
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for these parents, but the logic just isn‘t there. It‘s sad. It‘s tragic he won‘t have his full abilities. But he can still have a happy, although different life. The main point is, life is not something we just take away if we think someone won‘t have a very good shot at it. That‘s just not right.
I‘d like to know how God feels about having his children denied entry and sent back.
Also, a woman in her 27 th week of pregnancy who aborted her little girl because there was something abnormal showing up on her brain. While doctors didn‘t know what it was, they said she could possibly die in utero, die shortly after birth, or be a vegetable. Wow. That‘s bad news. Yet again, why couldn‘t this mother, who says, ―I miss her so much,‖ 470 have let her gone in her own time? It probably would be harder, but it would be morally right (yes, I am asserting my moral right in this book Then there was the woman who aborted in late second/early third trimester because there was ―no chance that he would live very long after he was born.‖ 471 Hello? You could have at least given him the chance he had. Doctors are sometimes wrong, you know. I would think that it would actually be healing to be able to hold your son for however many minutes or hours (or longer) that he was alive, and that you actually got to see him. After all, he is a part of you, and whatever you think about this it‘s likely you‘ll never forget him. I know I would always wonder what he looked like. Sure you‘re going to cry and all, but at least when you think back, you won‘t be feeling guilty that you took his life or wondering how long he would have lived — or if the doctors made a mistake. Maybe God just lent him to you for a little while. Can you keep him safe till God calls him back?
For more on ‗sending him back‘ to God see
Reason #15: Abortion is not an act of love
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For more on children with disabilities see Reason #85: There is still hope for your special needs child . For other concerns not covered here see Reason #48: So you wouldn‘t be a good parent?
Reason #47 ―Removing a baby's chance of survival is not being responsible‖
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Reason #48 So you wouldn‘t be a good parent?
Reasons for aborting as they relate to parenting This child is better off to never exist than it is being raised by me. 472
—―Molly,‖ I‘mNotSorry.net
re you thinking like Molly? Your fears and concerns are real and important. They are valid. But might I point out to you that if it is a matter of existing, this fetus already exists. Even during the first trimester this child is alive and active and growing into your baby. Being a good parent is a real concern for many women. It‘s true. They feel — or know — that they are not in a good position to parent a child. But strangely, an abortion is seen as a way of being a good mother. What is so strange about this? It‘s illogical! Since the fetus is, by definition, an unborn child still in the womb, how can killing a fetus in order provide a better future for future children make any sense? Even a pro-choicer admits this is unsupportable logic: ―Killing the fetus because you love it too much for it to be born becomes an unnecessary, if not illogical, solution to the goal of good mothering.‖ 473
concerns women have about parenting.
Some have abortions because they feel unprepared. I‘m sure many new parents can relate to that feeling!
Turn to Reason #97: Parenting is not something you can ever be fully prepared for .
to bring up a child in poverty – which is not something they want.
For many ideas and resources for help you turn to Reason #19: There are practical options to make things work for you .
Another reason is wanting to get out of an abusive relationship. While abortion does not necessarily end an abusive relationship, if you are in an abusive relationship you do need to get out. If that means your child does not have that man in her life, then so be it. He doesn‘t deserve your child and he doesn‘t deserve you either. Go to the resource section of this book to find numbers to call for help getting out. Please be aware that an A
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abortion does not take you out of a bad relationship — in fact, it can keep you in one.
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Abortion did not end abuse - leaving town did We were having sex and I was 14 and he was 19. Then the abuse started. He would slap me across the face for no reason. I was not allowed to wear shorts, even though Texas was hot in the summer. He took a knife and cut my halter off which was under my shirt and told me to never wear a halter again. I was not allowed to get in a vehicle with my friends and go anywhere with them. I worked at a theater and during the day I cleaned the theater after school, and he held me upside down over the balcony; and if he would of dropped me he would of killed me. I was living in fear.
and also wanted to protect my family. We were using no protection at that time. I was so confused and scared, pregnancy never even entered my mind. One night we were parking in his pick- up, and when we made love he never pulled out and wanted to get me pregnant cause he knew ‘cause of his abuse he was losing me.
Well, I got pregnant that night. I was only 14 years old and just getting out of the 8th grade. I remember the last few days of school, puking in the bathroom and I was so sick... I was so afraid of Mike and I was so confused. When I told my mother I was pregnant, she called Dallas, TX for me to have an abortion. I was only 6 weeks pregnant at the time and really it did not sink in yet what was happening and before I knew it I was in Dallas, TX laying on a table having an abortion.
…The abuse continued and then me and my two younger brothers and my mom moved to Maine to be near her family, ‘cause she was sick. My two older brothers stayed in Texas cause they were older. I truly believe moving to Maine saved my life from Mike cause he was in my life no longer. —Lana
Other women get abortions because they don‘t want to be a single mom. No one plans to be a single mom, that‘s for sure, but I think…
It‘s better to be alive with one parent than dead with two ( Reason #24 )
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Another reason some women get abortions is to care for the children they already have, especially those that need more attention. In cases such as those, the incoming child would be better served not by abortion but by that other ‗A‘ word — adoption.
See
Reason #82: There are so many couples who would love to parent if you don‘t
Abortion is not the solution to poor parenting, nor does it make you a better parent next time. Instead, it invites you to sacrifice one child now for the sake of a better situation you hope for in the future.
Abortion, the best solution to a messed up situation? Even though I knew all along that it was a baby, I told myself afterward that it was better for the baby, not to have to be raised in that crazy house I was raised in. Better off dead than to have to endure my crazy mother and dysfunctional family. 475
—Rachel
re you like Rachel? Believing that your family life is so crazy your child would be better off not born at all? It‘s sometimes people‘s sincere compassion that causes them to terminate their own child‘s life. People believe that they are not in a good position to be a parent, are not mature enough to be a parent, or perhaps do not wish the child experience their current or past life conditions. These are all good concerns, but there are better ways to address them. Firstly, if we can recognize that God is our Creator, then we realize that it is He who has made us from the beginning and is the judge of how long we live. It is not therefore for us to decide whether someone should live. Yet, these are legitimate concerns.
1.
What can someone do who is not in a good position to parent? First of all, we have to understand, what is not good? Is it your level of education? You can make it a priority to finish high school or college even if you are pregnant. If your life situation doesn‘t allow that, you can use alternative means, like online education or night school, to complete your education. Is it your financial situation? This might seem difficult, but again there are options. Government programs can help you get on your feet again and find your independence, even while keeping your baby. It‘s not a permanent solution, but it is a great stepping-stone if A
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you need it. See Reason #19: There are practical options to make things work for you .
You are the only one who can change that. Certainly, if you want some help you can try a counseling session, journal to yourself, read self-help books …and don‘t forget, prayer works wonders, too. Is it your psychology? Feel messed up? Confused? Lost? Don‘t worry — that‘s what many of us feel like on a bad day! To better understand yourself, your past and how you can stop repeating it, you can do things like take a self help course, read books on topics like communication, psychology and conflict resolution or visit a counselor for a few sessions. Is it your family? Sorry but you can‘t change that! However, there are some things you can change. Are we talking about family quirks and oddities that are annoying but bearable? Or are we talking about abusive situations which you want to be safe from? You can find alternative housing in Reason
#19: There are practical options to make things work for you .
Want a good book to read? Look in your library for Making Peace with your
Parents by
Harold Bloomfield. While I don‘t recommend everything in the book there is so much you can get out of it in the way of changing your past and clearing the way for you to have better relationships in the future. 476
How you relate to, communicate with and forgive your past relationships, determines your future ones. It‘s one of the best psychology books on the topic. Great for working through your past and changing your future.
What else is it? If there is a problem, there is a solution. If you look hard enough you will find it.
2.
What can someone do who feels immature and lacking experience?
Actually, everyone has no experience the first time around so you are not alone. To increase your experience around children you can do things such as volunteer to read children‘s books with local library programs or help out with activities like face painting in a children‘s festival. You could volunteer to look after a relative's children — perhaps an aunt or cousin wouldn‘t mind a break for the
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evening or two. Get to know any kids in your neighborhood or church community. You could also go to the library and borrow books or DVDs on parenting and child rearing. Many pregnancy centers offer some kind of free course around parenting skills. Finally, you will learn as you go and there are a myriad of playschool groups and mother‘s groups where your children can play while you talk, learn and socialize. You need not raise your child alone! See Reason #97: Parenting is not something you can ever be fully prepared for .
What can someone do who does not want the baby to experience your life situation?
Change it! Do whatever it takes to get yourself in a better position.
Social worker urges abortion Lorijo was married with two young children, and neither her nor her husband had a job. Their social worker told them it was not a good situation to bring in another child and chastised them for being ―so irresponsible.‖ The caseworker pushed abortion, declaring, ―You just can‘t go around having babies all the rest of your life.‖ Lorijo explains, ―After making us feeling like dirt, she reassured us that Medicaid would pay for the abortion and that we could always have children later.‖ 477
Like the women in Reason #40: Are you getting an abortion for someone else?
Lorijo felt social pressure to have an abortion. So, she did what many women in her situation would have done. She caved in and did what the social worker suggested. Unfortunately, there were long-term consequences for Lorijo (not to mention her unborn baby, of course). As her guilt and feelings of self-worth deteriorated, so did her parenting skills, and she began to neglect her own children. 478
and everything to get rid of the guilt that stabbed me in the heart every day.‖ 479
Did that abortion help her become a better parent next time, like the social worker promised? Nope. When she was ready to have another baby, seven years later at age 26, she was told that she could develop cancer and needed a hysterectomy. So much for having children later whenever she wanted!
―I would resent the child‖ hild abuse has always been a concern with unwanted children. Yet some evidence shows that women who abort may be more at risk for C
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abusing future children. Here is the logic behind that evidence. Abortion can numb a woman‘s maternal and motherly feelings towards her born children. It can also produce harmful feelings like guilt, anger, self-esteem issues and hardness of heart, which can fuel abuse. Lastly, abortion can feed the attitude that children come secondary to parent‘s wishes — that is, they are possessions of the parent and can be treated as such. One actual example comes from a study published by The Internet Journal of Pediatrics and Neonatology. The research centered on
237 low-income women who had abused their children or allowed such abuse to continue. What they found was that women with a history of abortion actually had a higher incidence of physically abusing their own children. 480
The study therefore recommended that ―Professionals might sensitively inquire about any history of abortion and related, unresolved negative emotions when
working with women engaged in or at risk for aberrant parenting.‖ 481
children were the most likely target of abuse. In the study, Dr. Edward Lenoski of the University of Southern California found that out of 400 battered children, 90% of the women responsible for the battering had actually planned the pregnancy! 482
but only by killing the fetus so he will not be alive to experience abuse. You could also consider abortion a form of unwilling child abuse, as it abuses to death the life of a child. A better solution is not to force the mother to raise a child she doesn‘t want but give that child to one of over a million parents who are seeking to adopt. 483
Reason #48 ―There are better ways to address a poor parenting situation‖
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Reason #49 Abortion procedures are brutal
Reality Check? o one wants to think about what abortion actually does so we employ euphemisms. We Yüklə 4,63 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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