Guide to Informed Choices
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To please somebody else It‘s okay to say no to an abortion. 435
—Anne Lastman, post-abortion counselor
hen Vicki got pregnant a second time she didn‘t want to lose her boyfriend. She got an abortion to please somebody else. I knew deep in my heart that I did not want to have another abortion; I tried to convince him that we could make it work and that we could keep the baby, but he just felt that we couldn‘t. I was not a strong person, and I was not willing to chance losing him to keep the baby.
When Brittany told her Granddad she was pregnant, he told her she needed to get married or get an abortion. She got an abortion to please somebody else. My granddad was furious, not that Kayla wasn't. He didn't speak to me, or even want to have anything to do with me, and I didn't know what to do. A million things were running through my mind. 'Am I ready for this? What will Trevor's parents think of me? What about college or my music?' My granddad told me if I kept the baby Trevor and I had better hurry up and get married or I needed to abort. Trevor and I talked about what we were going to do, and even then I was leaning toward an abortion. Not because I didn't love my baby and want it... because by definition I am a codependent (meaning I want to please everyone around me and not cause conflict). Mind you, that fact is NO excuse for what I did... I just thought, at the time, it would be easier on everybody .
put pressure on her, because she was the athlete of the family. She got an abortion to please somebody else. My name is Michelle and I‘m 16 years old. My boyfriend at the time was Brit and I was 15 and he was 16 at the time. I snuck him over to my house while my parents were on vacation. And right before we started having sex he told me he didn't have a condom, but he looked at me and said, "I love you so much; nothing will happen." W RONG . I missed my period and I had bad morning sickness and I wanted to keep my baby so badly; but all at the same time Brit became abusive physically and mentally, and I didn't want my baby around that. Then when my Mom found out she gave me so much pressure to have an abortion, because I was the athlete of the family. So with all the pressure I gave in. On January 18, 2007 I laid there on the cold table, and I was in my little robe, naked underneath and myself exposed. I had started bleeding before the abortion ever took place, so sometimes I think I just W
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had a miscarriage, but I know I didn‘t. I had a lot of physical pain, but I would endure all that again just to have my baby inside of me. After all was said and done, I never talked about it with my mom, and Brit would always just call me a baby-killing bitch. I knew I should have stood up for myself, but I was just so scared. I love my little baby boy/girl, and I ask God every night to make sure that they know I love them.
―When my Mom found out, she gave me so much pressure to have an abortion‖
When Vicki got pregnant she wanted to keep both boyfriend and baby, but she was alone. She got an abortion to please someone else. I knew deep in my heart that I did not want to have another abortion; I tried to convince him that we could make it work and that we could keep the baby, but he just felt that we couldn‘t. I was not a strong person and I was not willing to chance losing him to keep the baby.
When Kelly got pregnant her friends influenced her. She got an abortion to please somebody else. I know the first time my friends really influenced me to get rid of the pregnancy — that it was the best thing to do. I was 22. So I did, and have suffered ever since.
When Becky‘s brother told her she couldn‘t keep it, she let family convince her that it wasn‘t to be. She got a second abortion to please somebody else. One day my older brother found me crying my heart out; he asked me what was wrong. ―I‘m pregnant,‖ I sobbed. He looked at me and said matter-of-factly, ―You can‘t have it.‖ Just like that. No debate. No argument. Simply, ―You can‘t have it.‖ …I really didn‘t want to have an abortion. Been there, done that. But I felt like I had to. I felt like I was in a rock and a hard place.
Reason #40 ―Be sure any abortion decision is completely your choice‖
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Reason #41 You may regret your abortion for a very long time
The relief you may experience may not last his is what pro-choicers tell you, ―Most women having an abortion experience a sense of relief.‖ 436 This
is what they confess later, ―The research evidence has not been as reassuring as we might want. ‗Most women feel relief after an abortion,‘ say most pro- choice activists. This is true, but it is not the whole picture.‖ 437
relief after an abortion, there are a few things you should consider:
1)
How unbiased is that statement? I mean, after all, the claim is being made by a business that profits from you choosing to use their services. 2)
gladness that the surgery is over. Most people don‘t like surgery. 3)
levels of our being may be quite different to the smiley face we put on for the world — and for quest- ionnaires. 438
Just because a woman experiences relief doesn‘t mean that she doesn‘t also experience additional emotions such as revulsion and self-disgust. Feelings are often a complicated affair, especially with us females. 5)
Don‘t forget that most women are given anti-anxiety drugs before surgery and may still be ‗under the influence‘ when filling out clinic surveys (see Reason #33
).
6) Once the whole situation has blown over and the girl gets to thinking about her choice or maybe finds out about child development, she may no longer feel the relief that she initially felt.
would they give you drugs to make you forget it? ―Either the nurse or I will start an IV after which this will be used to administer Valium and midazolam for relaxation and amnesia. Most patients remember nothing about the procedure once the midazolam is started.‖ 439
T
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When Becky had the abortion she felt relief, but it wasn‘t to be permanent. After the abortion, initially I felt relieved that it was over, and I was glad that I had no memory of it. But later I felt very bitter and angry...
I‘m 46 years old and today, through the Healing Hearts Ministries, I counsel and minister to women, who like me, have experienced the deepest regret of their lives — abortion.
When Cheryl was in the recovery room she felt relief, but that only lasted 5 hours. In the recovery room, it occurred to me that I felt relief. Well, that relief lasted about five hours. Then hell set in. I went to my part-time teaching job after the abortion, then I took my five-year-old daughter to see Fantasia that evening. To this day I cannot watch that movie. It is just too painful, for it was during that movie that the regret and the sadness started. That night, I dripped a pathetic few drops of breast milk. No one told me that would happen, and it broke my heart — because I knew all about breastfeeding. I expressed some milk on one of the pages in my diary, and I wrote this: "I have no words for my baby, only love." I had lost that diary for years, but today it is one of my dearest possessions.
While Nicole expected relief she felt the opposite. That night after the abortion I remember feeling so low, disgusted with myself, utterly selfish and like such a horrible person. I thought I would feel relieved, but what I felt was far from it.
More women regret their abortion as time goes on I don't care if I have a million more "mistakes;" I will keep each "mistake" for now on.
—Wendy
nterestingly, studies show that as time goes on, relief tends to be replaced with regret. It seems to be that the later you survey the more likely you are to find regret. For example, we all know that abortion clinics post satisfied customer comments, probably gained from them as they walked out the door. But what about later on? One study found that just 4 weeks after an abortion only 95% of women felt that they had made the right decision. Already 5% of women were no longer certain about their choice. At 6 months, that the number of women certain had dropped to 85%. 440
there or we might have some interesting results to report. Given my research, I am I
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quite certain those numbers would continue to drop. Why, some women do not even begin to regret their choice until 5, 10 or even 20 years later. Indeed, these women in the study had not even faced their ‗due date‘ or one year ‗anniversary‘, both of which can be trigger points. Perhaps one reason why this regret can be delayed is that abortion can cause feelings to be buried. Turn to Reason #51: Abortion creates secrets, suppression, and denial
to read about this. One abortion counselor speaks of how her client‘s view changed: Four days after her abortion, all the hardships that this pregnancy would have created for her seemed to melt into mere inconveniences. It is amazing how the perception changes once the deed is done and there is no going back. 441
Why might she change her mind? As time goes on, she may come across information about the development of her fetus and suddenly believe that she had her own baby killed. Perhaps she will have a miscarriage of a wanted baby and feel that the abortion was responsible. Maybe she will mature and suddenly realize that her decisions at the time were based on selfish or trivial reasons. Some will find out about all the pregnancy services they could have used at the time of need. Still others will grow old and never marry, realizing that they aborted the only family of their own they would ever have. This is true. There is a story of it in Reason #29: Abortion may affect your future fertility . Perhaps others will find God and start to think about what they‘ve done. (Old age tends to do that to you… you start to think about meeting your Maker.) Whatever the reason, many women find that in time their feelings change.
Having an abortion could haunt you for the rest of your life
t was still on Maria‘s mind a year later: It has been a year and I still cannot come to grips with my actions. I feel like the most horrible person in the world… I wish that abortion wouldn't have been an option. I regret it every day of my life.
Roughly 10 years later it still bothers Donniel: Even now, at age 30+, it still bothers me to drive by Planned Parenthood. The memories usually come flooding back. That must be why the lady asked me where I wanted to go to get it done. That, and I wouldn‘t run into anyone I know due to my shame.
Christy is still empty 12 years later: I
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My baby would be twelve years old now, and there is not a day that passes that I don't relive this day. Even now, I feel so empty.
Rachel was still working on it 20 years later:
Twenty years later it was so very hard to even attempt to come forth from my prison of death and shame and self-loathing. 442
Over 25 years later Cheryl understands abortion regret: I hope girls and women reading this will come to understand that, statistically, their odds of regretting abortion are pretty high. It is a very painful type of regret. You cannot tell me, any more than I can tell you, where your heart will be in 5, 10, 30, or 50 years. So to get an abortion is to play roulette with regret. It is to court a sadness that only the hope of heaven can heal.
Twenty-seven years later Becky still regrets her abortions: I‘ve had two abortions, and I can‘t say I‘m a better person for it. Not at all. Both of my abortions haunted me for years upon years.
Tina still remembers 28 years later: As I write this I am reminded that tomorrow, Oct 29, 2006, Ryan would have turned 28.
The experience of these women shows that after an abortion at age 19, it is indeed possible that 20 years later you might still regret that seemingly simple choice you made one afternoon as a college student. Do you think that these women consciously set themselves up for a lifetime of regret? Of course not; nobody does that! They simply thought it was the best — or only — solution to their
current dilemma. Unfortunately, they didn‘t know about the help available (see Reason #19 ).
Still hard after abortion ―It‘s also hard around what would‘ve been the baby‘s birthday and the day of the termination. (I still can‘t say the ‗A‘ word.) I have to live with this for the rest of my life.‖ —Donniel
Reason # 41 ―The abortion regret can be long lasting‖
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Reason #42 Your mom chose life
Pay it forward And we who are standing here — our parents wanted us. 443
ike the powerful movie Pay It Forward, we are inspired by the idea of passing on what we have received, and yet what greater gift is there than life itself?
Why not return the favor? Seriously. Think about it. You were once an unidentified, anonymous fetus inside your mother. To a pro-choicer you were simply a choice and a potential child. Even your mother did not know what to expect of you. She didn‘t know what you looked like, or what kind of baby you would be. She didn‘t know if you would coo and play happy all day long or if you would be fuss and scream every time you would leave her arms. She couldn‘t have measured the money she would spend on you nor could she have measured the joy that you would bring. The future was unknown. And yet, she saved you. She kept you. She chose to love and have you, and here you are today. She could have taken the ‗easy‘ way and made a phone call to the abortion clinic. Perhaps you were very much planned or perhaps you came when circumstances were tough. Whether you were raised by your birth mother, or for some, adoptive parents, the very fact that you are here reading this right now says that your mother chose to give you the gift of life, no matter what it cost her.
Confessions from pro-choice literature ―We are all the product of a woman‘s pregnancy.‖ 444
— Breaking the Abortion Deadlock
Maybe she endured gossip because she was so young. Maybe she had to wear less fashionable clothes because she was saving her money for you. Maybe she put her career advancement on hold. Maybe she got up late in the night to feed and change you. Maybe she washed your dirty socks more times than you can remember. Maybe she fussed over you when you hurt yourself and looked after you when you were sick. Maybe she slaved over the hot stove cooking your dinner (hey, maybe it was a microwave, but whatever). But she did it; and a lot more too, I bet. We often don‘t realize, as children, just how much our parents do for us. Ask any new mom — her L
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child is her life and her reason for being. She would do anything for that child. Your mom gave you a lot. She may not have been perfect, but she still gave you a lot.
Thanks, Mom! ―If you can read this, you weren‘t aborted. Call your Mom today and thank her!‖ —Bumper sticker
You are a link in the chain of life ver since time began women have been caring for their little ones, in their arms, in slings, cradles and cribs. Women have performed this role, not because society told them to, but because it was the most natural thing on earth. Without women, the human race would have died out long ago. (Granted, without men, it would have died out too.) But women have certainly played the major role in continuing life on this earth. Let me explain. As women we cared for our young, we protected them while the men were out hunting or fighting those silly wars (okay, maybe they were defending us). We cooked for our children; we fed them, clothed them and watched over them. Nearly universally, it is females who care for the new generation in any tribe of peoples. It‘s amazing to think that everyone alive on this planet today has experienced being born. We‘ve all had the experience of nestling inside our mother‘s womb, warm and safe. And even with all the IVF technology today, women are still the bearers and the guardians of human life until birth. Your great grandmother gave life to your grandmother and she gave life to your mom, who in turn gave life to you. In the great unbroken chain of life we live. Before us were our ancestors. After us will come our children and our grandchildren and our great grandchildren and great, great grandchildren. Can you imagine? What it will be like for them? How will they live? What will they think? I don‘t know about you, but I sometimes wonder what it will be like in the future. Wouldn‘t you like to give them a chance to experience that Yüklə 4,63 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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