Improve Your Communication Skills, 2nd Edition

109 Interviews: Holding a Formal Conversation
Reflecting 
Counsellors use reflection in three main ways. They reflect: 
• what people seem to be feeling; 
• their words, the content of what they have said; 
• the implied content. 
These are such vital tools of counselling that it is worth looking 
at each of them separately. 
Reflecting feelings
This is probably the most useful, and the 
technique likely to be used first in a counselling session. It 
always clarifies the issue being discussed and it helps the speaker 
to know that the listener really does understand. Frequently it 
needs to be no more than a few words: 
• ‘You feel angry.’ 
• ‘You seem to be distracted.’ 
• ‘Perhaps you are confused.’ 
Reflecting the speaker’s words
This is a very simple and effective 
technique, enabling you to prompt the counsellee without 
running the risk of the discussion ‘going off track’. Early in a 
session, it can ‘open up issues’; at other times it can help to break 
through a ‘block’. The counsellor listens carefully for emotionally 
charged words, those given undue emphasis, or for which the 
speaker’s voice fades or becomes barely audible. Simply repeating 
those words can have magical effects. 
Reflecting content
The trick here is simply to repeat what the 
counsellee has just told you: ‘You say that you are not being 
challenged enough.’ It usually results in an elaboration of the 
point that has been made and provides a way forward. Perhaps 
the counsellee can’t quite bring themselves to say it, but they will 
talk volubly on the subject if you legitimise it for them. 
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110 Improve your Communication Skills
Confronting 
Use this technique with great care. It may consist simply of 
asking for concrete detail to support an allegation or an 
expression of vague feeling. It may involve pointing out apparent 
contradictions: between what the counsellee is saying and what 
they said earlier; between what they are saying and the way they 
are saying it; between words and body language. Remember that 
you are confronting perceptions in order to root out possible new 
ones. You are not confronting to criticise or to degrade the 
counsellee in any way.