It Ends with Us

said, “Lily. Life is a funny thing. We only get so many years to live it, so we have to
do everything we can to make sure those years are as full as they can be. We
shouldn’t waste time on things that might happen someday, or maybe even never.”

---

I knew what he was saying. That he was leaving for the military and he didn’t
want me to hold on to him while he was gone. He wasn’t really breaking up with me
because we weren’t ever really together. We’d just been two people who helped each
other when we needed it and got our hearts fused together along the way.
It was hard, being let go by someone who had never really grabbed hold of me
completely in the first place. In all the time we’ve spent together, I think we both sort
of knew this wasn’t a forever thing. I’m not sure why, because I could easily love him
that way. I think maybe under normal circumstances, if we were together like typical
teenagers and he had an average life with a home, we could be that kind of couple.
The kind who comes together so easily and never experiences a life where cruelty
sometimes intercepts.
I didn’t even try to get him to change his mind that night. I feel like we have the
kind of connection that even the fires of hell couldn’t sever. I feel like he could go
spend his time in the military and I’ll spend my years being a teenager and then it
will all fall back into place when the timing is right.
“I’m going to make a promise to you,” he said. “When my life is good enough for
you to be a part of it, I’ll come find you. But I don’t want you to wait around for
me, because that might never happen.”
I didn’t like that promise, because it meant one of two things. Either he thought
he might never make it out of the military alive, or he didn’t think his life would
ever be good enough for me.
His life was already good enough for me, but I nodded my head and forced a
smile. “If you don’t come back for me, I’ll come for you. And it won’t be pretty, Atlas
Corrigan.”
He laughed at my threat. “Well, it won’t be too hard to find me. You know
exactly where I’ll be.”
I smiled. “Where everything is better.”
He smiled back. “In Boston.”
And then he kissed me.
Ellen, I know you’re an adult and know all about what comes next, but I still
don’t feel comfortable telling you what happened over those next couple of hours.
Let’s just say we both kissed a lot. We both laughed a lot. We both loved a lot. We
both breathed a lot. A lot. And we both had to cover our mouths and be as quiet and
still as we could so we wouldn’t get caught.
When we were finished, he held me against him, skin to skin, hand to heart. He
kissed me and looked straight in my eyes.
“I love you, Lily. Everything you are. I love you.”

---

I know those words get thrown around a lot, especially by teenagers. A lot of times
prematurely and without much merit. But when he said them to me, I knew he
wasn’t saying it like he was in love with me. It wasn’t that kind of “I love you.”
Imagine all the people you meet in your life. There are so many. They come in like
waves, trickling in and out with the tide. Some waves are much bigger and make
more of an impact than others. Sometimes the waves bring with them things from
deep in the bottom of the sea and they leave those things tossed onto the shore.
Imprints against the grains of sand that prove the waves had once been there, long