Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

Bargaining with the Devil: When to Negotiate, When to
Fight (Mnookin), 2
BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement), 8,
13, 252
Bazerman, Max H., 233
Beaudoin, Charlie, 24
Behavioral Change Stairway Model (BCSM), 97
behavioral economics, 11
behavior change
BCSM and, 97
health issues and, 97
lessons that lay the foundation for, 112
psychological environment necessary for, 97–98
“that’s right” and, 98, 101–5, 107
“you’re right” as ineffective, 105–7
behind the table or Level II players, 171–72, 186
pronoun usage and, 179, 187
questions to identify, 256
bending reality, 126–35. See also prospect theory
key lessons of, 138–39
Bergen, Peter, 232
Black Swan, The (Taleb), 215
Black Swan Group, The, 3, 21, 191, 220
complementary PDF form, bargaining types, 198

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website and more information, 258
Black Swans, 19, 21, 213–45
ascertaining counterpart’s unattained goals, 231
asking questions to reveal, 110
“crazy” vs. a clue, 232–33, 245
example, Griffin hostage case, 213–14, 216–17, 235, 244
example, MBA student uncovers seller’s constraints, 238–
41
example, Watson standoff, Washington DC, 224–28
getting face time to unearth hidden factors, 236–37
key lessons of, 244–45
knowing a counterpart’s “religion” and, 225, 228–29, 244
as leverage multipliers, 220–24, 244
listening and uncovering, 228, 244–45
mistaking acting on bad information for craziness, 233–34
mistaking constrained for acting crazy, 234–35
mistaking having other interests for acting crazy, 235
observing unguarded moments to unearth hidden factors,
237
Taleb’s use of term, 216
theory of, 215
tips for reading religion correctly, 228
uncovering unknown unknowns, 218–20
what they are, 238
Blum, Gabriella, 2–4, 5
body language. See nonverbal communication
Bonderow, Amy, 76–77, 81, 85
Branch Davidian siege, Waco, Texas, 13

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Bueno, Jesus, 182–85
Burnham, Martin and Gracia, 140, 143, 144, 145, 146, 166
Burnham-Sobero case, Dos Palmas, 140–41, 142–48, 170
Bush, George W., 143
calibrated, or open-ended, questions, 20, 141, 149, 150,
151–56, 243
Ackerman model and, 207
to analyze negotiation team and behind the table/Level II
players, 171, 172
Assertive (bargaining style) and, 196
caution about using “why,” 153–54, 160, 203
Ecuador kidnapping and, 160, 165, 166, 167
to elicit information, 185
example, doctor and unhappy patient, 150, 155
examples to use, 154, 256
“forced empathy” and, 168
greatest-of-all-time question, 151, 168
“How” questions, 167–69, 181, 186
key lessons of, 160–61
Negotiation One Sheet and, 255–58
questions to identify and diffuse deal-killing issues, 256–
57
questions to identify the behind-the-table deal killers, 256
responses to aggressiveness and, 141, 152, 159, 175
Rule of Three and, 177–78
script for, 157–58
tone of voice for, 167–68
when to use, 154

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words to avoid in, 153
words to begin with, 153, 160
Camp, Jim, 78, 90
car-buying negotiations, 119, 188–90, 243
certainty effect, 127
Chandler, Raymond, 129
Chris discount, 179–80
clearing the barriers to agreement, 61–63, 72
Clinton, Hillary, 53
cognitive bias, 12
Cohen, Herb, 119
collaboration, 21
How/No questions and, 167–68
never create an enemy, 204–5
Collodi, Carlo, 178
Columbia Business School, 131
communication. See also active listening; calibrated, or
open-ended, question; voice tones
calibrated, or open-ended, question, 20, 141, 149, 150,
151–56, 165, 166, 167–69, 170, 174–75, 255–58
Chinese expression about, 111
control in, 160, 166
empathy as “soft” skill, 53
hidden aspects of, 77
“I” messages, 203–4
literal interpretations, mistake of, 77
lying and, 178
“no” and, 75–80

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pronoun usage and person’s importance, 179, 187
7-38-55 Percent Rule, 176–77, 186
subtleties, spotting and interpreting, 173–76
uncovering lying, 176
using your own name (Chris discount), 179–80, 187
“yes” and, 80–81
“yes” and “no,” values inherent in, 86
compromise, 18–19, 115–16, 139
reasons for, 116
win-win and, 115, 253
control, 140–61
calibrated, or open-ended, question and, 141, 149, 150,
151–56
in communication, 160
creating the illusion of, 149–61, 166, 174–75
influence vs., 84
key lessons of, 160–61
lack of, and hostage mentality, 159
late-night FM DJ voice and, 33
as primal urge, 84
saying “no” and, 78–79, 86–92, 94
self-control, 156–59, 161, 202, 204
crisis negotiations, 4–5, 9–10, 13–16, 18–19, 54. See also
kidnapping or hostage negotiations
Harlem standoff, 49–51, 54–55
Voss and, 76
Watson standoff, 224–28
Crisis Negotiation Unit (CNU), 96–97

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Behavioral Change Stairway Model (BCSM), 97
Cruz, Arlyn dela, 143
Cuban, Mark, 91
Damasio, Antonio, 122
deadlines, 20, 116–20, 139
mistake of hiding a deadline, 120
decision-making
discovering emotional drivers of, 126
emotion and, 122, 123
prospect theory and, 127–35