Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

part that is more often fumbled and mishandled than any
other. It’s simply not a comfortable dynamic for most
people. Even when we have the best-laid plans, a lot of us
wimp out when we get to the moment of exchanging prices.
In this chapter, I’m going to explain the tactics that make
up the bargaining process, and look at how psychological
dynamics determine which tactics should be used and how
they should be implemented.
Now, bargaining is not rocket science, but it’s not simple
intuition or mathematics, either. To bargain well, you need
to shed your assumptions about the haggling process and
learn to recognize the subtle psychological strategies that
play vital roles at the bargaining table. Skilled bargainers see
more than just opening offers, counteroffers, and closing
moves. They see the psychological currents that run below
the surface.
Once you’ve learned to identify these currents, you’ll be
able to “read” bargaining situations more accurately and
confidently answer the tactical questions that dog even the
best negotiators.
You’ll be ready for the “bare-knuckle bargaining.” And

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they’ll never see it coming.
WHAT TYPE ARE YOU?
A few years ago I was on my boat with one of my
employees, a great guy named Keenon; I was supposed to
be giving him a pep talk and performance review.
“When I think of what we do, I describe it as
‘uncovering the riptide,’” I said.
“Uncovering the riptide,” Keenon said.
“Yes, the idea is that we—you and I and everyone here
—have the skills to identify the psychological forces that are
pulling us away from shore and use them to get somewhere
more productive.”
“Somewhere more productive,” Keenon said.
“Exactly,” I said. “To a place where we can . . .”
We had talked for about forty-five minutes when my son
Brandon, who runs operations for The Black Swan Group,
broke out laughing.
“I can’t take it anymore! Don’t you see? Really, Dad,
don’t you see?”
I blinked. Did I see what? I asked him.
“All Keenon is doing is mirroring you. And he’s been
doing it for almost an hour.”
“Oh,” I said, my face going red as Keenon began to
laugh.
He was totally right. Keenon had been playing with me
the entire time, using the psychological tool that works most
effectively with assertive guys like me: the mirror.

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Your personal negotiation style—and that of your
counterpart—is formed through childhood, schooling,
family, culture, and a million other factors; by recognizing it
you can identify your negotiating strengths and weaknesses
(and those of your counterpart) and adjust your mindset and
strategies accordingly.
Negotiation style is a crucial variable in bargaining. If
you don’t know what instinct will tell you or the other side
to do in various circumstances, you’ll have massive trouble
gaming out effective strategies and tactics. You and your
counterpart have habits of mind and behavior, and once you
identify them you can leverage them in a strategic manner.
Just like Keenon did.
There’s an entire library unto itself of research into the
archetypes and behavioral profiles of all the possible people
you’re bound to meet at the negotiating table. It’s flat-out
overwhelming, so much so that it loses its utility. Over the
last few years, in an effort primarily led by my son Brandon,
we’ve consolidated and simplified all that research, cross-
referencing it with our experiences in the field and the case
studies of our business school students, and found that
people fall into three broad categories. Some people are
Accommodators; others—like me—are basically Assertive;
and the rest are data-loving Analysts.
Hollywood negotiation scenes suggest that an Assertive
style is required for effective bargaining, but each of the
styles can be effective. And to truly be effective you need
elements from all three.

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A study of American lawyer-negotiators 1 found that 65
percent of attorneys from two major U.S. cities used a
cooperative style while only 24 percent were truly assertive.
And when these lawyers were graded for effectiveness,
more than 75 percent of the effective group came from the
cooperative type; only 12 percent were Assertive. So if
you’re not Assertive, don’t despair. Blunt assertion is
actually counterproductive most of the time.
And remember, your personal negotiating style is not a
straitjacket. No one is exclusively one style. Most of us have
the capacity to throttle up our nondominant styles should the
situation call for it. But there is one basic truth about a
successful bargaining style: To be good, you have to learn
to be yourself at the bargaining table. To be great you have
to add to your strengths, not replace them.
Here’s a quick guide to classifying the type of negotiator
you’re facing and the tactics that will be most fitting for you.
ANALYST
Analysts are methodical and diligent. They are not in a big
rush. Instead, they believe that as long as they are working
toward the best result in a thorough and systematic way,
time is of little consequence. Their self-image is linked to
minimizing mistakes. Their motto: As much time as it takes
to get it right.
Classic analysts prefer to work on their own and rarely
deviate from their goals. They rarely show emotion, and
they often use what is very close to the FM DJ Voice I

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talked about in Chapter 3, slow and measured with a
downward inflection. However, Analysts often speak in a
way that is distant and cold instead of soothing. This puts
people off without them knowing it and actually limits them
from putting their counterpart at ease and opening them up.
Analysts pride themselves on not missing any details in
their extensive preparation. They will research for two
weeks to get data they might have gotten in fifteen minutes
at the negotiating table, just to keep from being surprised.
Analysts hate surprises.
They are reserved problem solvers, and information
aggregators, and are hypersensitive to reciprocity. They will
give you a piece, but if they don’t get a piece in return
within a certain period of time, they lose trust and will
disengage. This can often seem to come out of nowhere, but
remember, since they like working on things alone the fact
that they are talking to you at all is, from their perspective, a
concession. They will often view concessions by their
counterpart as a new piece of information to be taken back
and evaluated. Don’t expect immediate counterproposals
from them.
People like this are skeptical by nature. So asking too
many questions to start is a bad idea, because they’re not
going to want to answer until they understand all the
implications. With them, it’s vital to be prepared. Use clear
data to drive your reason; don’t ad-lib; use data comparisons
to disagree and focus on the facts; warn them of issues
early; and avoid surprises.

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Silence to them is an opportunity to think. They’re not
mad at you and they’re not trying to give you a chance to
talk more. If you feel they don’t see things the way you do,
give them a chance to think first.
Apologies have little value to them since they see the
negotiation and their relationship with you as a person
largely as separate things. They respond fairly well in the
moment to labels. They are not quick to answer calibrated
questions, or closed-ended questions when the answer is
“Yes.” They may need a few days to respond.
If you’re an analyst you should be worried about cutting
yourself off from an essential source of data, your
counterpart. The single biggest thing you can do is to smile
when you speak. People will be more forthcoming with
information to you as a result. Smiling can also become a
habit that makes it easy for you to mask any moments
you’ve been caught off guard.