Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

party’s emotions or desires. You say something that you
know is totally wrong, like “So it seems that you really are
eager to leave your job” when they clearly want to stay.
That forces them to listen and makes them comfortable
correcting you by saying, “No, that’s not it. This is it.”
Another way to force “No” in a negotiation is to ask the
other party what they don’t want. “Let’s talk about what you
would say ‘No’ to,” you’d say. And people are comfortable
saying “No” here because it feels like self-protection. And
once you’ve gotten them to say “No,” people are much
more open to moving forward toward new options and
ideas.
“No”—or the lack thereof—also serves as a warning, the
canary in the coal mine. If despite all your efforts, the other

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party won’t say “No,” you’re dealing with people who are
indecisive or confused or who have a hidden agenda. In
cases like that you have to end the negotiation and walk
away.
Think of it like this: No “No” means no go.
EMAIL MAGIC: HOW NEVER TO BE IGNORED
AGAIN
There’s nothing more irritating than being ignored. Being
turned down is bad, but getting no response at all is the pits.
It makes you feel invisible, as if you don’t exist. And it’s a
waste of your time. We’ve all been through it: You send an
email to someone you’re trying to do business with and they
ignore you. Then you send a polite follow-up and they
stonewall you again. So what do you do?
You provoke a “No” with this one-sentence email.
Have you given up on this project?
The point is that this one-sentence email encapsulates the
best of “No”-oriented questions and plays on your
counterpart’s natural human aversion to loss. The “No”
answer the email demands offers the other party the feeling
of safety and the illusion of control while encouraging them
to define their position and explain it to you.
Just as important, it makes the implicit threat that you
will walk away on your own terms. To stop that from
happening—to cut their losses and prove their power—the

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other party’s natural inclination is to reply immediately and
disagree. No, our priorities haven’t changed. We’ve just
gotten bogged down and . . .
If you’re a parent, you already use this technique
instinctively. What do you do when your kids won’t leave
the house/park/mall? You say, “Fine. I’m leaving,” and you
begin to walk away. I’m going to guess that well over half
the time they yell, “No, wait!” and run to catch up. No one
likes to be abandoned.
Now, this may seem like a rude way to address someone
in business, but you have to get over that. It’s not rude, and
though it’s direct, it’s cloaked with the safety of “No.”
Ignoring you is what’s rude. I can tell you that I’ve used this
successfully not just in North America, but with people in
two different cultures (Arabic and Chinese) famous for
never saying “No.”