Rewire Your Brain: Think Your Way to a Better Life

strange 
situation
. A room in the psychology department at Johns Hopkins 
University, where Ainsworth was working at the time, was equipped 
with a one - way mirror, a table and chairs, and a handful of toys. 
Mothers and their babies were invited into the room to play with 
the toys, then a stranger came in and sat down. 
The researchers observed how the baby handled this change, in 
terms of seeking proximity to the mother or leaving her to continue 
exploring the toys. The mother would then leave her baby with the 
stranger for a few moments, returning as the stranger departed. 
Then the mother would leave the room again, leaving her baby 
completely alone. Through this method, several types of attachment 
behaviors that were displayed by the infants were identifi ed, along 
with corresponding behaviors in their mothers. 
The attachment types are secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and dis-
organized. (The fi rst three were identifi ed by Ainsworth, but the 
fourth was identifi ed by Mary Main at the University of California 
at Berkeley.) In
secure attachment
, the child demonstrates displea-
sure at the mother ’ s departure and becomes quiet as soon as she 
returns. The baby welcomes the mother ’ s attempts to comfort him 
or her and quickly returns to exploring the environment. In
avoidant 
attachment
, the child seems indifferent to the mother ’ s departure 
and return. In
ambivalent attachment
, the child typically shows 
distress when the mother leaves, relates to the stranger, greets the 
mother on her return with signs of anger or coldness, and is hesitant 
to return to play. In
disorganized attachment,
the most ominous of 
the four types, the child reacts to the mother ’ s return by freezing for 
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154 Rew i r e
Yo u r
B r a i n
several seconds or rocking. The baby appears to lack an organized 
or coherent coping strategy. 
Attachment researchers maintain that infants don ’ t construct 
their attachment patterns by themselves; rather, they do it in 
response to their perceptions of their parents ’ behavior. The child ’ s 
attachment behavior correlates quite well with the behavior and 
communication style of the mother. A mother ’ s responsiveness to 
her baby can take a variety of forms, such as the following: 
• 
Mothers of securely attached infants accurately interpret the 
infant ’ s communications, responding quickly and consistently 
to the child ’ s needs in a “ good enough ” manner.
• 
Mothers of children with an avoidant attachment style tend to 
remain unresponsive to the child ’ s distress, discouraging crying 
and promoting separation.
• 
Mothers of ambivalently attached infants behave inconsis-
tently, being sometimes tuned in and sometimes indifferent to 
the child ’ s state of mind.
• 
Mothers of children with a disorganized attachment style tend 
to be abusive, impulsive, and depressed.
Thus, your attachment style developed in a societal context, 
based on the behavior of those around you. For example, certain 
attachment styles are more common in some cultures than in oth-
ers. In northern Germany, a preponderance of avoidant attachment 
patterns have been reported. In Japan there is an apparent prepon-
derance of ambivalent attachment and hard - to - soothe infants. 
In northern Germany (where avoidant attachment is predominant), 
it is common for mothers to briefl y leave their infants unattended at 
home or outside a supermarket. As a result of this type of parenting, 
the infants learn to adapt to being alone. Upon the mother ’ s return, 
nearly half of the infants who were tested showed little reaction. 
In Japan (where ambivalent attachment is predominant), mothers 
and infants are rarely separated. Babysitting is rare, and when it occurs 
it is generally done by the grandparents. Thus, Japanese infants rarely 
experience separation from their mothers. Those who were tested 
became considerably upset and hard to console after a separation. 
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S o c i a l
M e d i c i n e
155
You may be saying to yourself at this point, “ This is all very inter-
esting, but what does that have to do with me now? ” The answer is 
that the attachment style you developed by the time you were a year 
old tends to be a highly durable personal characteristic that remains 
evident later in life. Longitudinal studies have shown that one ’ s attach-
ment style persists into adulthood 68 – 75 percent of the time. (Main ’ s 
study put the fi gure slightly higher, at more than 80 percent.) 
Since attachment patterns are so long - lasting, what chance is there 
to rewire your brain to change those patterns? In a study of the degree 
of rewiring that is possible even with the most deprived, Michael 
Rutter (whom you met earlier on the English and Romanian adopt-
ees study team), looked at healing early attachment traumas through 
enriched environments. The researchers drew the cautiously optimis-
tic conclusion that a child who is exposed to nurturing can, to some 
extent, overcome earlier deprivation, even in extreme eases. 
If you have a poor attachment pattern and don ’ t rewire your brain 
to change it, what chance is there that you will pass it on to your own 
children? There is growing evidence that the way a parent responds 
to his or her baby is based on the parent ’ s own attachment style. 
Many studies have looked at the application of attachment research 
to adults. Mary Main created a reliable assessment of adult attach-
ment called the Adult Assessment Interview. Its classifi cation of the 
parent predicts the child ’ s security or insecurity 75 percent of the 
time. This appears to hold true even when the parent is assessed 
before the child ’ s birth. 
If your brain was wired through a secure attachment, you have a 
good chance of feeling relatively secure later in life. Research sug-
gests that 55 percent of adults fall into this category. If you grew 
up with a secure attachment, you are likely to feel worthy of affec-
tion and care, enter relationships with reasonable ease, become 
close and feel comfortable in these relationships, and expect your