Improve Your Communication Skills, 2nd Edition

16 Improve your Communication Skills
Information: displaying the shape of our 
thinking
Once we have created a relaxed relationship, we are ready to 
share information. So what is information, and how does it 
operate?
Every time we communicate, information changes shape. 
Children have enormous fun playing with the way information 
can alter in the telling. Chinese Whispers and Charades are both 
games that delightfully exploit our capacity to misunderstand 
each other.
Understanding – as we’ve already seen – is mental pattern-
matching. ‘Ah!’ we exclaim when we’ve understood something, ‘I 
see!’ We may have a different 
perspective
on a problem from a 
colleague; we often misunderstand each other because we are 
approaching the issue from different 
angles
. If we disagree with 
someone, we may say that we 
are looking 
at it differently. It’s all 
about what patterns we recognise: which patterns match our 
mental models.
Learning the art of conversation
1. Copy the other person’s body language to create a 
‘mirror image’.
2. Ask three questions – but no more until you have done 
the next two things.
3. Find something from what you have just learned that 
will allow you to compliment the other person – subtly.
4. Find something in what you have found out to agree 
with.
5. Repeat until the conversation takes on a life of its own.
(With thanks to Chris Dyas)
( c) 2011 Kogan Page L imited, All Rights Reserved.

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17 What is Communication?
Information is the shape of our thinking. We
create
information inside our heads. Information is never ‘out there’; it 
is always, and only ever, in our minds. And the shape of 
information constantly changes, evolving, as we think. 
Information is dynamic.
Creating shared understanding of information, then, means 
displaying it in a form that the other person can recognise. You 
could draw pictures or diagrams. Better still, you could find out 
what mental patterns the other person uses – and then fit your 
information into them. Pictures and models usually simplify 
information, making it easier to understand.
When we communicate, we never merely hand over 
information; we create 
meaning
out of that information, and then 
share that meaning. If the other person can’t understand what we 
mean, then our attempts to communicate have failed.