The Art of Seduction was classic PUA reading material, along with
Greene's other book, The 48 Laws of Power. For the former, Greene studied
the greatest seductions of history and literature in search of common
themes. His book classified different types of seducers (among them rakes,
ideal lovers, and naturals); targets (drama queens, rescuers, crushed stars);
and techniques, all of which jibed with community philosophy (approach
indirectly, send mixed signals, appear to be an object of desire, isolate the
victim).
"How do you know about that book?" she asked.
"I've spent the last year and a half hanging out with the world's greatest
pickup artists."
She sat up in her bed. "Tell me, tell me, tell me," she squealed like a
schoolgirl. Talking about pickup was better than the alternative: Whenever
the discussion veered toward her legal, media, and custody problems, her
eyes filled with tears.
She listened rapt as I told her about the community and Project Holly-
wood. It wasn't easy to have a serious conversation with a dozen acupunc-
ture needles sticking out of my body. "I want to meet them," she said
excitedly. "Do you think they're as good as Warren Beatty?"
"I don't know. I've never met him."
Courtney climbed out of bed and rubbed patchouli oil around the nee-
dles in my feet, legs, and chest. "Let me tell you, he's smooth."
"I would love to know how he operates."
"He's great. He once called me and said, 'Hey, it's me,' as if I should
have known who it was. Then he tried to convince me to come over to his
house that night. When I finally say yes, he laughed and said he was in Paris.
It's a total mindfuck. He'll blow his nose and then hand the dirty tissue to
his date."
310
It was a neg. Warren Beatty negged women. Every PUA—whether he's
aware of it or not—uses the same principles. The difference between those
in the community and lone wolves like Warren Beatty (when he was single),
Brett Ratner, and David Blaine is that we name our techniques and share
our information.
"I don't know what this director's problem is," Courtney was saying. "I
have a magic pussy. If you fuck me, you become a king. I'm a kingmaker."
(Translation: If you fuck her, you become famous.)
She began pulling the needles out of my body. Relief. "You have to get
one in your head. It's the best feeling."
Fumbling around the floor, Courtney grabbed a dirty needle. She
aimed it just above my eye.
"No thanks. I've had enough for today."
"You gotta try it. It's great for the liver."
"My liver's fine, thanks."
She dropped the needle back to the floor. "Fine. I'm going out to get
some Rice Krispie Treats then."
She wriggled out of her pink shirt and stood in front of me topless.
"These are natural breasts but with a silicone lift," she said, hovering
over me and revealing a scar underneath her left mammary. "Do you know
how much a shot of my tits is worth? Nine thousand dollars."
"Then your problems are solved," I suggested.
"That won't even get me in the door at the lawyer's office," she
snapped, slipping into a black-and-white baby-doll dress.
When she returned from the store, she was flushed with excitement.
She pulled a coffee cake out of her bag and split it in half, leaving a trail of
crumbs behind her as she made for the safety of her bed. "Let's make a bet,"
she said.
"What?"
"I will bet you that I can get this director back."
"I doubt you can. If he's not returning your calls, he's not interested."
"He even denied he'd slept with me in the Post." She handed me half of
the coffee cake in her blackened fingers. "But I like a challenge."
"Well, if you can get him back, you're a better pickup artist than I am."
"Then let's bet," she insisted.
"What are the stakes?"
"If I can't get him back, I will give you a one-week stand with me—
wherever you want."
311
I looked at her blankly. I was so taken aback by the notion that I had
trouble processing the words.
"Or you can pick the middle name of my next child. It's your choice."
"Okay."
"But I have one condition: I get an hour of advice with each pickup
artist you're living with."
When it came time for me to leave and catch my plane, Courtney
climbed out of bed and kissed me good-bye.
"I just need to be fucked," she said as I waited for the elevator that
would take me out of her loft. "I just need a bossy guy to come here and
fuck me."
I knew I could have been that guy. The IOIs were there. But there's a
PUA's code of honor, there's a gambler's code of honor, and there's a jour-
nalist's code of honor. And having sex with her would have been violating
all three.
What I had told Dustin that morning in my apartment really was true:
Learning pickup had enriched so much more than just my sex life. The
skills I had amassed in the community made me a much better interviewer
than I'd ever been. I discovered just how good when I was assigned an inter-
view with Britney Spears.
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