Ask More: The Power of Questions to Open Doors, Uncover Solutions, and Spark Change pdfdrive com

What is meaningful to you?
The answers reflect the range of human experience, he explained. Faith.
Family. What I did for my school. The work I did with the blind.
He asks:

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What brings you meaning at this time in your life?
He hears common threads from distinct perspectives: Thanking people.
Giving back. Making sure my family will be okay. Knowing that my kids are
launched. Pondering what life was all about.
Gary’s goal is to get people talking so that they can put their life into
perspective. He wants to help them find their sources of meaning. He has his
own questions about what and why.
What makes people tick?
Why is the world what it is?
He has thought deeply about the questions people have asked him as they
confronted death and tried to make sense of it.
What is going to happen to me physically?
Can I atone for what I’ve done?
Can I seek reconciliation?
I drove out to Gary Fink’s office. It was a low, nondescript brick building
that could have been mistaken for a suburban strip mall, except that inside on the
walls, there were all sorts of drawings from children to their grandparents, letters
of appreciation to the staff, and testimonials to loved ones. I wanted to hear more
about the questions people ask, and the questions he asks.
He told me that some of the questions are specific to the moment and have
tangible answers.
Can I avoid pain?
Others aren’t so easy and ponder the unknowable.
Why is God angry with me?
What will happen to me?
Why is God taking so long?
Gary often replies with a question of his own. “What do you think God
might have in mind?” Or, “What thoughts do you have when you ask that
question?” A conversation usually follows and becomes a story. “I help people

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create narratives, each one original, unique, and important,” he explained. “And
meaning is embedded in all of their narratives.”
Gary asks about achievements and failures, people and impact. Sometimes
religion is part of the dialogue, sometimes not. He does not preach or judge. He
includes the patient’s family and friends, inviting them to join the storytelling.
What kinds of things do you think you’ll miss the most?
What are the intangible gifts you have now because of your
experience with this person?
The rabbi believes that a properly told life story can capture life’s impact and
its meaning. But not all stories have happy endings, and not all lives end with
clarity or resolution. A question can prompt a reply brimming with guilt or
sadness. Anger and sorrow are not uncommon emotions at the end of life, he
explains. Gary hears about broken promises, unfulfilled dreams, hurt feelings—
all inevitable parts of the story of life. He presses patients and families alike to
confront their sadness. He asks without hesitation and encourages dialogue like
this:
What kinds of things will you not miss about your mother?
“Mom was just so difficult. She was bitter. She said terrible things.”
Was there something you learned from that?
“I vowed never to submit my kids to that. To teach them restraint and
patience.”
And …?
“If I feel myself losing my temper or getting really angry, I think about
what I felt like when my mother turned on me.”
What do you do?
“I stop myself.”
Does that always work?
“Nearly.”
And it’s because of your mother?

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