The Upside of Falling

and Juliet,” he said.
“We were forced to read that for class, Brett.”
“So? Still counts.”
It definitely did not!
I walked over to the counter with a total of four books in my bag. “How long
will it take you to read all these? A few weeks? A month?” Brett asked while
Mr. Finch scanned everything.
I scoffed. He had so much to learn. “Try a week.”
“Thirty-five dollars and twenty-one cents,” Mr. Finch said.
I started reaching for my wallet when Brett stopped me. “I got this,” he said.

---

“My treat. Remember?”
“Thank you.”
He just smiled, saying nothing while kind of saying everything.
When we walked outside, I headed toward the car but Brett grabbed my
hand, pulling me over to a bench on the side of the street. He sat down and
tapped the empty spot beside him. I took a seat, placing the book bag in my lap.
It was a little cold out now that the sun had set and the wind picked up. It was
blowing my hair around my shoulders, fanning it into my face while I scrambled
to pull it back. Brett laughed beside me and the sound seemed to carry into the
air, playing like a symphony being strummed by the stars.
“You’re wearing the ring,” Brett said, startling me.
“What? Oh.” I held up my hand, staring at the rose ring on my finger. It was
the prize we won at the arcade. “I like it,” I said.
There were many things I liked. Many of those I wanted to share with Brett.
With the quiet settling around us, I could have. But now that we were together
again, it was like all the words my mind had planned out were gone. And all I
really wanted was to kiss him. This time, I didn’t want it to be fake. I wanted it
to be as real as this moment felt.
The scariest part was, I still didn’t know if this was real to him.
I jumped when Brett tapped his finger against my forehead. He was watching
me, smiling. “What’s on your mind?” he asked.
“I was thinking about what you said that night at the hotel. That you couldn’t
decide if what you felt for me was real.”
The memory still felt a little raw. From the way Brett winced at the mention
of it, it was like that for him too. But we had spent a week avoiding each other
and dodging the subject. Normally, that would be fine with me. After all, I was a
master in burying my emotions. But there was something about Brett that made
me want to grab a shovel and dig them all up. Everything I felt for him was good
and light and warm. Not dark like I was used to. Why would I want to ignore
that?
“I was wondering,” I continued, “if you figured that out yet. . . .”
“Oh,” he said. “That.”
“Yeah. That.”
Then Brett scooted across the bench, moved a little closer. It was only an
inch or so, but enough for my heart to start playing Ping-Pong against my rib
cage.
“I’ve been thinking about that night a lot,” he said.
“So have I.”
“And what I realized,” Brett continued, “is that nothing I felt toward you was

---

tainted or confusing, Becca. In fact, you’re the only clear part of my life right
now.”
He moved a little closer.
I moved a little closer too.
“You know what I like about you?” he said.
I tried to hide my smile but I could feel it breaking across my face. “What?”
“I like how you have the absolute worst taste in food,” he said, moving
another inch across the bench.
“Agree to disagree,” I chimed in.
“I like how you don’t even flinch when we watch scary movies,” Brett
continued. Paused. Moved a little closer. “I like how you always get lost in
thought, like you live half your life inside your head. And I like how your face
turns all pink whenever you catch me staring at you.” As if on cue, my face
started to heat up. “See?”
There was no space between us on the bench now. We were thigh to thigh.
Knee to knee. I was all warm and tongue-tied. My brain went to mush whenever
Brett was this close.
“Sooooo,” I said, inching my hand closer to his. “What does all that mean?”
“It means,” Brett said, wrapping his pinky around mine, “that I like you. A
lot. And that I was a jerk to ever doubt that. A lot of things have been changing
in my life, Becca. In this whole mess, you’re the only constant. You’re the one
that always comes back.”
“I’m still a little unclear on what you mean,” I said, smiling.
Brett gave me a look. “Is this some sort of payback?”
“Maybe.”
“Fine.” I shrieked as he reached out and grabbed my waist, pulling me across
the bench until I was halfway on his lap. My first reaction was to make sure no
one was lingering on the street, watching. They weren’t. Then I let myself relax,
grabbed Brett’s face in my hands.
“Can we give this one more shot?” he said. “No more pretending. No more
space. No more people coming between us. One last try. I won’t mess it up this
time.”
“Only real from here on out?” I asked.
Brett smiled, pressed his check into my palm. “Only real.”
He leaned in, touched his mouth to mine ever so lightly.
It was nowhere near enough.
“One more question,” I said. He made a very agitated noise in response.
“Our first kiss in the hallway, rate it on a scale of one to ten.”
Brett pulled his face back a little. “Are you being serious?”

---

“Yes. Rate it.”
“A nine. Why?”
I shrugged. “I thought it was only me that felt that. I mean, it was my first
kiss, so I didn’t have much to compare it to. But it’s nice to know you thought so
too.”
“That was your first kiss?” I nodded. “Tell me, Becca,” Brett said, running
his thumb across my bottom lip. “If this were a book, how’d you want your first
kiss to be?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. I never really thought about that.
“Come oooon. I don’t believe that for a second. Would it be raining? What
about fireworks? Or would it be late at night when you’re sitting on a bench in
front of a bookstore?”
“That doesn’t sound totally horrible,” I said.
Brett took my face in his hands then, gently. He moved closer until I could
see nothing but those deadly ocean eyes. “I think you’re amazing,” he said, “and
I think you deserve a first kiss that’s a hell of a lot better than standing in a
school hallway while everyone watches.”
“Like sitting on a bench with no one watching?”
“Becca,” he said, closing the space between us until our foreheads were
touching, “your first kiss should have been like this.”
I wondered if Brett could feel how quickly my heart was beating when his
mouth touched mine, or if he could feel the shift too. Because in that moment,
something changed. Like the world remolded itself around the two of us.
I didn’t question why my heart was burning when I wrapped my arms around
his neck or why it felt like it would fall out of my chest. I only pulled him closer
until we were one silhouette of lips and hands and beating hearts against the
night sky.
I wasn’t sure who pulled away first. All I knew was that it was too soon, and
my heart no longer felt like it was entirely mine. It was shared somewhere
between the both of us.
“That,” Brett whispered, “was an eleven.”
I was thinking more of a twelve.

---

Brett
IT HAD TO BE IN
here somewhere.
I was rummaging through my closet, trying to find my black denim jacket to
wear tonight. There was a new horror movie playing in town and, in light of
Becca’s obsession with all things scary, I told her I’d take her. Only the film
started in a little over an hour and I couldn’t find my damn jacket.
I was pulling boxes off shelves and throwing them onto the floor. There were
hangers everywhere like my room had turned into an out-of-control garage sale.
I was digging through boxes on the top shelf, knowing full well my jacket would
not be there, when I found a blue box. Seeing it kind of knocked the air from my
lungs. I held it in my hands and sank down on my bed.
Slowly, I took the lid off.
Everything was in there. The first football my dad ever bought me. Polaroid
photos of the two of us at my football games as a kid. My old cleats, jerseys,
trophies. It was a box of memories I’d forgotten I even had.
My mom came running into my room. “Brett! What was that— What
happened in here?”
I couldn’t take my eyes off the box. I picked up a photo. My dad and I were
smiling at the camera. I was missing my two front teeth and my hair was long,
covering both my eyes. I think I was nine or ten when this was taken. I could
still smell the grass and feel my dad’s arm on my shoulder. He looked so happy.
So proud. We both did.
My mom sat beside me on the bed, placed her hand on mine.
“I always loved that photo,” she said. “You know, your dad still talks about
that day all the time. It was one of his favorites.”
“Mine too.”
“He was so proud of you, Brett. He still is.”

---

I put the picture back in the box and picked up another. My mom was in this
one. It was sophomore year, after I made the football team at school. It was my
first game and my parents had come to watch. They sat in the bleachers, and I
remembered how I could hear my dad’s voice yelling over the entire crowd. We
took that photo after we had won the game. It was on the desk in my dad’s office
until he replaced it with a new one. I kept it here, locked in this box.
My mom rested her head on my shoulder. I knew she was remembering that
day too. It felt like a different life, a different timeline where everything was
similar and different at once. And for the first time, this tiny, small part of me
missed my dad. Missed that weight of his arm on my shoulder.
“Mom? Can I ask you something?” She was sorting through the box,
unknotting the laces on my old cleats. “If you didn’t have to worry about me,
what would you do about Dad?”
“What do you mean?”
“You said you were trying to protect me. Right? That’s why you didn’t tell
me Dad was having an affair. But what if you didn’t have me to worry about?
Then what would you do? Would you stay with him? Divorce him? How would
you protect yourself?”
She let out a long, tired breath and moved back on my bed until she was
sitting against the headboard. She patted the empty spot beside her and I lay
down on my back, still clutching that photo between my fingers, that reminder of
a different time.
“I think . . . ,” she began, looking up at the ceiling, “I wouldn’t get a divorce.
I would stay with him.”
“Why?”
“Because I love him.” She said it so easily. “Because I believe him when he
says he’s sorry.”
“But how do you know he really means it?” I asked.
“Because he’s trying, Brett. He’s really trying with these counseling
sessions. He wants to make everything okay. Look around you—at this house,
this life. He’s spent all these years working so hard so we could have this. I’ve
loved your father since I was seventeen years old, and in all those years, this is
the one big mistake he’s made. How do we decide if one mistake is worth giving
all of this up? The life we’ve built together?”
My mom sat up, placed her hand on my shoulder. I looked her in the eye and
I could see it, how much she loved him. How much she wanted to be with him.
And all this time I thought this past week was only hard on her because the truth
was out. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe it was hard because my dad was
staying at the hotel and she was away from the person she loved. And I had

---

made that decision for her out of anger. I took my mom’s choice away because I
thought I was protecting her, when really I was only thinking about myself.
“Mom?” I said, holding both her hands in mine. “All I want is for you to be
happy. That’s it. And if our family staying the same makes you happy, then . . .”
I took a deep breath, forced the words out. “I’m okay with that. I’ll go to
counseling. I’ll try with Dad. I’ll try for you. But if you decide that you want
everything to change, to get a divorce and never look back, then that’s okay too.
I want whatever’s best for you because that’ll be what’s best for me too. Okay?”
I was so used to seeing my mom cry that when the tears started to spill, I
didn’t even flinch. And I realized that all I really wanted was for her to not cry
anymore. If that meant sitting in an office with Dr. Kim and talking about my
feelings or opening the door and letting my dad back inside—I’d do that for her.
I hugged my mom, held her so close to my chest and wished I could make
this all okay.
“He’s not a terrible dad, Brett,” she said. “If he was, you wouldn’t have
ended up like this, with a heart as big as yours.”
Then she took one last look at the photo and walked away.
I was lifting my hand to knock a second time on Becca’s door when it
opened. She took one look at me and her eyes went wide. “Oh no,” she breathed.
The door opened a little more and I could see her fully. Messy hair and unicorn
pajamas. Not exactly movie attire.
“You forgot,” I said.
“I’m so sorry, Brett. Oh my gosh. I was helping my mom out with this new
recipe and I totally lost track of time. I’m sorry. Come in, I’ll get dressed and we
can leave. The trailers usually take forever, right? So we won’t miss that much
of the movie. Maybe only the opening credits or the first few minutes. . . .”
“Becca.”
“What?”
I pushed open the door, stepped inside, and pulled her to me. “You’re talking
very fast,” I said.
She began to smile. “I do that sometimes. Sorry I forgot.”
“It’s okay.”
She pulled my face down to hers. She smelled like vanilla. Tasted like it too.
Then her mom walked into the hallway and Becca jumped away from me like
she’d been electrocuted.
“Brett, you’re here! I was just saying how we could use another set of hands
for this recipe. Want an apron?”
I grinned. “I would love one.”
“Mom,” Becca groaned. “We’re going to watch a movie.”

---

“No, that’s okay. We can skip it and help,” I said. Clearly not the right
answer because Becca looked absolutely mortified as we walked into the
kitchen. I swear I heard her whisper my name and “fiasco” under her breath.
“Wonderful! We were just reminiscing about that time I bought Becca an
Easy-Bake Oven and she almost lit the kitchen on fire.”
“Oh, I would love to hear that story, Ms. Hart.”
She handed me a bowl and a whisk at the same time as Becca reached out
and smacked my shoulder. “This is not okay,” she hissed while her mom went
on with the story.
“Nice pajamas,” I whispered back.
I had never seen her look so angry.
“So what are we making?” I asked, shrugging off my jacket and placing it
over the chair. The counter was covered with baking sheets, cupcake trays, and
some circle pan thing with a hole in the middle.
“That’s a Bundt,” Becca said, following my gaze.
“I knew that.”
She stuck her tongue out.
“We’re making,” her mother began, pressing some buttons on the stove, “a
new recipe that is either going to be some sort of cake, sheet cake, or cupcake.”
“My mom is convinced she can make lemon and chocolate taste good
together,” Becca explained.
“It will taste great, and it will definitely give jelly bells a run for their
money.”
“I’m not sure that’s possible,” Becca added.
“I’m with Becca on that one,” I said.
Her mom pointed a batter-covered spoon at us. “You two wait and see. I
have an eye for bringing together unnatural pairings.”

---

Becca
JENNY SHOWED UP AT MY
locker after last period.
“I was thinking of swinging by the bakery and getting a dozen of those jelly
bells. You in?” she asked.
I still wasn’t entirely used to the two of us being friends again. It felt like I’d
been swept into a wormhole and dropped off in another dimension. Or I’d
traveled back in time to freshman year.
I shut my locker, pulled my bag onto my shoulder. “You’re inviting me to
my own mother’s business?”
“Is that a yes or no?”
“Yes, obviously.”
We left school together. Walking beside Jenny was the same as walking
beside Brett. We couldn’t make it down one hall without at least three different
people trying to talk to her. Eventually we escaped, and while we walked down
the road to Main Street, Jenny was staring down at her phone.
“Everything okay?”
She looked up. “My brother’s girlfriend broke up with him a few days ago,”
she explained. “His social media has been taken over by all these sappy quotes
about love he keeps posting.”
“Why’d they break up?”
“He won’t tell me. Or anyone. My parents don’t even know about it.”
“You never really talked about him,” I said, referencing the time we used to
be friends. Which, now, didn’t feel so long ago.
“Parker’s in college now, he’s two years older than us. He’s my parents’
pride and joy. They’ve been training him to take over the family business since
he was in diapers. He practically sucks all the attention out of every room we’re
in.” She must have noticed the way I was looking at her, because she added,

---

“This is not a pity party or anything. I’m not some neglected daughter. I actually
like all the attention being on him. Lets me do whatever I want without my
parents noticing. What about you? What are your plans after we graduate and
leave this dump?”
“No idea,” I said honestly.
“Same. My parents don’t like that. They want to map out my future like they
did for Park. But I kind of like not having a destination in mind. It’s like
whatever happens, happens. As long as it’s not in Crestmont,” she added,
bumping her shoulder against mine.
“Agreed.”
When we walked into the bakery, my mom was standing behind the counter,
handing a box to a customer. The place was busier than usual. Almost all the
tables were full and there was an actual line that started at the counter and went
halfway through the store.
My mom’s face lit up when she spotted the two of us. “Becca!” she called,
waving her hands over her head like she was guiding an airplane for landing.
I went to the front of the line, ignoring the dirty looks from one woman who
thought I was cutting in. “Why is it so busy? Did those flyers catch on?”
“I wish. A bus broke down off the highway,” she explained. “Long story, but
now all of these people are stuck here. And they’re starving. Can you handle the
cash register? I need to help Cassandra in the back.”
I looked at the line of customers waiting. My mom was right. They looked
exhausted and hungry, like they’d jump over the counter any second.
“Becca?” my mom asked again, holding out her apron.
“I’ll cover cash. Go help in the back.”
“I can help too,” Jenny added.
My mom looked like she was about to hug her. “Stay here with Becca and
help with the line,” she said before running off into the back. I quickly put the
apron on and got set up behind the counter.
I turned to Jenny, handed her a spare apron. “I’ll take the orders, you prepare
them. There’s tongs and boxes behind you. Good?”
She nodded. We faced the line together.
“Next!” I called.
An hour later the line was gone, there were empty cupcake wrappers littering
the floor, and half the tables were either missing a chair or had too many extra
ones. Cassie was sitting down in one, looking like she’d just run a marathon. We
all looked that way.
The door to the bakery opened and we all groaned.
“Welcome to—” I began before Jenny cut me off.

---

“That’s my brother,” she said, taking off her apron and hanging it on the
hook on the wall. I looked at the guy standing in the doorway—curly black hair,
dark skin, dressed in slacks and a button-up. He looked different than my vague
memory of him.
“Thank you for your help, Jennifer,” my mom said, giving her a quick hug.
“Anytime, Ms. Hart. I’ll see you at school, Becca.” She walked over to her
brother and the two of them left without another word.
“That’s Parker?” Cassie gawked, pressing her face into the window and
watching them leave. “He looks so different from high school.”
The bell chimed again a few minutes later. A family walked in with two
children. I took their order, handed them their food, and they took a seat at the
table beside the window.
I watched them eat. The kids had strawberry jelly smeared all over their
faces and their mother kept leaning across the table with a napkin to wipe it off.
The dad was sitting back in his chair, watching the three of them with a smile on
his face. The sugar-packet tower the little boy built tipped over and he started to
cry. The mom closed her eyes, like she really needed a break from crying, before
her husband reached across the table and started to rebuild the tower. The little
boy stopped crying.
It was all so normal. Taking your children to a bakery in town and building
towers out of sugar. And even though one of them looked exhausted and the
other was crying, the controlled sense of chaos was wrapped in a thin veil of
love.
I looked at Cassie, sweeping the floors with half her hair sticking out from
her ponytail.
I turned to the window into the back room and saw my mom kneading dough
at the counter, flour on her cheeks. She glanced up, spotted me, and smiled.
I looked back at the family and realized not everything had to be
conventional. Life didn’t have to fit into a four-sided box that was neat and tidy.
It was okay if the box had three sides or the fourth one was hanging on with duct
tape. It was okay if the corners were dented and if there was a big red FRAGILE
sticker on top.
It was all okay.
I took off my apron and placed it on the counter. “Mom,” I called, running
into the back. “Can you and Cass close tonight? I have something I need to do.”
She looked up from the dough. “Of course. Where are you—”
“Thanks!”
There was all this anticipation building up inside me. I felt great. Grand.
Energized. Larger than life. I grabbed my coat and ran out the front door before

---

Cassie even looked up from the broom. I was running down the street, my feet
following that familiar path they’d walked in secret for too long now. Not
anymore. There were no more secrets. After today, there’d be no more
FRAGILE sticker on this box.
I ran past the bookstore. Past the church. Past the intersection that led home.
I ran and ran and ran until I was standing on his street. I hunched over, hands on
my knees, caught my breath, then ran again. I had to keep moving. If I stopped
to think, I might turn back around and let another five years pass by. Not
anymore. I was tired of having one foot stuck in the past when I was trying to
move into the future.
I had let myself fall for Brett. I didn’t hide those feelings down inside me
anymore. I shoveled them up and brought them into the light. But there was still
a little darkness buried in some corner within me. There were still questions
lingering that I had been too scared to say out loud.
I wasn’t scared anymore.
I ran to my dad’s house, up the driveway, and knocked on the door. My heart
was beating too fast. Unnaturally fast. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t think and
then the door was opening and his wife was standing there. There was a baby
girl squirming around in her arms.
“Becca,” she said. “You’re back.”
She knew who I was. All this time.
“Is my dad home?” I asked.
“I’m Maeve,” she said, holding out her hand. “It’s nice to officially meet
you.”
“My dad—”
“Is probably in his office, nose stuck in a book. I’ll go get him.”
I felt sick, nauseated as she walked down the hall. I told my brain to ignore
the book comment but it was all I could focus on. It was so weird that there was
this person, this huge part of who I was, living a few streets down from me. He’d
felt so far away all these years when he was right here, reading and laughing and
having children and starting over.
I almost turned around. I almost ran back down the driveway, but I couldn’t
run forever. I had to do this. For myself and for my mom. For Brett. For us. For
the future I wanted to have and the person I wanted to be in it.
Footsteps from down the hallway pulled me back to the door, to the person
now walking toward me. I had seen him from afar all those days I watched from
down the street. But this—this was different. This was real. There were no more
separate lives. It was a full-blown collision.
Now I could see the gray strands of hair interspersed with the brown. I could

---

see the lines wrinkling the corners of his eyes and the hand with that shiny new
wedding band. I had never met such a familiar stranger.
“Becca.” His voice took me back to every memory, every moment. “I can’t
believe you’re here,” he said, holding his arms out to hug me. “I’ve missed you.”
I didn’t move.
His arms dropped to his sides.
“I live close by,” I said quietly.
His eyebrows crinkled together. It made him look older. “What?”
I cleared my throat. “I live a few streets away. If you really missed me that
much, you could have tried to visit.”
His face fell. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Then he smiled and said, “You’re so
grown up. You look just like your mother.”
And that was it. Five years of being absent had led to an uncomfortable
conversation between two people who no longer knew each other.
All I wanted was to be around my real family now. Around my mom and
Brett. Around Cassie. Around the people who had never let me down.
“I’m not here to repair our relationship. I don’t want you in my life, Dad.”
The word slipped out before I could stop it. It felt wrong because “dad” wasn’t
just a title. There was so much meaning behind it. Meaning that no longer
applied to him.
I thought it was impossible for him to look any sadder than he did right then.
“I don’t understand. Then why are you here?” he asked.
I took a deep breath and then I said the words that had been stuck somewhere
between my heart and my head for far too long. “I’m here to forgive you. I spent
the last five years living with this weight inside of me. A weight that’s there
because of you. I tried to forget you. I tried to press the thought of you down
until you were nothing but a distant memory and for a while, I thought it
worked. . . . But now I’m falling in love. And that made me realize just how
much damage you did to my heart.
“I can’t live with this pain anymore. I can’t carry around this sadness
because it’s stopping me from being the person I want to be. I . . . I can’t be that
person if I still hate you.” I whispered the last part. Even after everything, it still
broke my heart to say these words that would break his. “I forgive you for
leaving us.”
“I’m not sure I deserve your forgiveness,” he whispered.
“You don’t. But I’m giving it to you anyway.”
We were silent for a moment. I realized it had begun to rain. It was a drizzle,
a few drops landing on my shoulders. Not loud enough to hear, but faint enough
that you couldn’t ignore it either.

---

“You’re falling in love?” he asked.
“I am,” I said, wiping a tear off my cheek, “and it’s greater than any book I
ever read.”
Suddenly, I wanted to continue. I wanted to tell my father all about Brett and
the way he made me feel. I wanted him to know everything and my heart burned
for the man I used to look up to. But I had to remind myself that man was gone.
The person standing in front of me was not the father I had known five years
ago, and he had lost the right to know about my life the night he walked out the
door.
I began to walk away, back down the steps, and then I stopped. There was
one last question I needed an answer to. “Was it worth it?” I asked, turning
around. “Leaving us for this new life. Was it worth it? Are you happier?”
“I don’t know how to respond to that,” he said.
That was all the answer I needed.
“Goodbye, Dad.”
The walk down the driveway felt like miles. It was raining now, pouring
down and soaking through my clothes. I stopped, turned my face to the sky, and
let the water wash the past off me. The memories and the pain and all those
questions that had held me down like an anchor—I stood there and smiled as
they washed away. And for the first time in years, it felt like that constant weight
pressing down on my chest was gone. I could breathe freely.
I started to run then, down another familiar route. This time I ended up at
Brett’s house. I was soaking wet when I knocked on the door and I couldn’t stop
smiling. I felt so happy. So normal.
When Brett pulled open the door, I jumped into his arms. I grabbed his face
and I kissed him because now I wanted to move into the future with him.
I was laughing when our faces parted. “Hi,” I said.
He was smiling, sun after a rainstorm.
“Hi,” he said back. Then we both realized it was still raining and the door
was wide open. Brett pulled me inside. “Let me get you a towel.” He
disappeared down the hall and jogged back, towel in hand. He wrapped it around
my shoulders, rubbed his hands up and down my arms.
“Brett!” a voice called from the other room. His mom. “Who’s here?”
“Becca!” Brett yelled back. Then he turned toward me. “You wanna watch a
movie with us?”
I told him yes, there was actually nothing I’d like more than that.
We walked into the living room and his mom was sitting on the couch,
wrapped up in a blanket. The television was paused but I was staring at the man
sitting beside her. It was Brett’s father. I quickly glanced at Brett, studying his

---

face for some hidden trace of anger. But he was smiling, and he seemed
genuinely . . . okay.
“Dad,” he said, slipping his arm around my waist, “this is my girlfriend,
Becca.”
I shook his hand in a daze. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” he said. He
had the exact same eyes as Brett.
“You too, Mr. Wells.”
I sat next to Brett on the couch. His mother clicked play on the remote and
the movie began. Minutes had passed before I turned to him and whispered,
“Brett?”
He tilted his head toward mine. “Yes?”
I looked at his parents, then back to him. “Is this okay?” I whispered.
He nodded, squeezed my hand. With the smallest of smiles, he said, “I think
so.”
Brett’s backyard had a swing chair. It had a lot of cool stuff. Like a shiny
metal table set, couches with overstuffed pillows, and even a fancy fireplace
with blue flames. But my favorite was the swing chair. I liked the way it rocked
back and forth when Brett pushed his feet off the ground.
It had stopped raining, and we wandered outside after his parents left,
announcing they were going out for dinner. Now we were sitting on this chair
while the sun set in front of us. That was another one of my favorite parts of his
backyard: the view. There were no houses or buildings to see, just this far stretch
of land that eventually turned into trees. It made the sunset look even more
spectacular.
Usually, sunsets were gradual. Slowly the sky turned yellow, then pink, then
orange before it all became black. Not tonight. Tonight, the sun set like someone
hit the fast-forward button. The sky was blue one second, then blinding orange
the next.
I don’t know why I was so obsessed with the sky. Maybe it was the idea of a
new day, a fresh start. Or maybe I just liked the way it looked. Not everything
had to have some big meaning behind it.
When the sky was black, Brett said, “My dad’s going to start staying here
again.” Then he pulled me closer until my back was to his chest. He was wearing
a gray hoodie that smelled just like him. “And I got my essay back from Miss C.
Got a B plus, thanks to you.”
“It wasn’t all me,” I said.
I thought about telling Brett what I did today, visiting my dad, before
deciding not to. For some reason, I wanted to keep that little piece to myself.
It started to rain again. I stood up, ready to head back inside, when Brett

---

pulled me onto his lap. He was shaking his head, this evil smile on his face
before he leaned in and kissed me. Even under the small cover of the swing, the
wind blew the rain onto us. I could feel it on my neck, feel how wet Brett’s hair
was when I ran my fingers through it. I pressed my hand onto his heart and felt it
beating right there, so close. I felt the way his fingers danced across the bare
strip of skin above the waistband of my jeans.
I could feel everything.
I let my head fall back, felt the rain on my face for the second time that day.
When I looked at Brett, there were droplets dripping down his face. His hair was
flopping over his forehead and his eyes looked navy blue in the darkness. He
was all skin and soft angles.
For some reason, my mind went back to that very first day, when I was
sitting under the oak tree behind the football field. “I used to categorize my
days,” I told him. “Some were worth remembering and some I wanted to forget.”
“Which one is today?” he asked.
I didn’t even have to think about it. “One to remember.”
Neither of us said anything for a moment. We sat there, staring at each other.
There was beauty in the way his eyes held mine, in the way we held each other.
Even when we didn’t speak, it was still beautiful.
“Becca?” My name felt so familiar on his lips.
I nodded, wiping the hair off his forehead.
“I think I’m in love with you,” he whispered, closing his eyes.
My heart seemed to leap out of my chest then. I was sure that if I looked up,
I’d see it sailing past the stars, the moon. And when he kissed me, I searched for
metaphors, for similes. For the “like” and the “as,” but I couldn’t think of a
single thing but how it felt to have him so close to me. I searched for the words
to put this feeling into thoughts and I came up empty. Or maybe I was just too
full, full of whatever this feeling was.