Research Says…
People who routinely say “no” to requests for their time report higher levels of happiness and energy.
(Source: The Kruse Group, 2015)
A young woman, an undergraduate
at Dickinson College, emailed me out of
the blue one day and told me she was a fan of my leadership work. She said her
school had a speaker series each year, and she asked if it was OK for her to
suggest me.
Sure, I said. That was my first yes.
A month later, a Dickinson College administrator
emailed to follow up with a
specific date for me to come speak and to let me know there would be no fee.
Would I consider it? My typical speaking fee is $12,500 to $22,500, but I love
speaking to students and always try to schedule at least one pro bono speech
each month to a nonprofit group.
I looked up the date on my calendar—three months down the road—and that
date was free. In fact, my whole week was unscheduled.
Wow, the future was
going to really be a lot less busy than the present! I was looking forward to it. I
accepted the invitation. That was my second yes.
As the date got closer, another student asked me if she could interview me for
the college radio station. I would have to arrive a
couple hours earlier than my
event to record the interview. Sure, I said; I’d be honored. That was my third
yes.
A week before the event, a professor emailed to ask if I wouldn’t mind
speaking to his economics class about business and ethics and engagement. His
class was earlier in the day. I love speaking to students, I’d be there anyway—
just now a little earlier in the day—so, of course, I gave my fourth yes.
As time ticked away and the pro bono event at the college got closer and
closer, inevitably things came up. My daughter’s school
play got scheduled for
the same day; I would have to miss it. I was asked to do a corporate keynote
event on the same day—for my full fee; I had to turn it down. A TV news
program in Australia wanted to do a live interview with me on the same day via
satellite, but I was already booked.
Yes, it was a big bummer missing
out on all those other things, especially my
kid’s play, but I don’t regret my original decision or the string of yeses that
followed.
But I share this story as an extreme example of how
we mistakenly think we’ll
be less busy in the future than we are in the present.
It’s far too easy to accept a lunch date when you look at your calendar three
weeks from now and see that you have no meetings
or other lunch plans that
day. Sure, that day looks great to grab a casual lunch! And then that day comes,
and it’s filled with meetings and deadlines and family obligations.
You have to realize: whatever obligations and projects and tasks you have
now, you’ll also have in a month, six months, or a year. Unless you make a
radical
change in your life, your kids will continue to get sick, play sports, and
require parent-teacher conferences; your boss will still be giving you projects;
your car will still need oil changes and inspections;
your friends will still be
throwing parties.
Every Yes Is a No to Something Else
This is a lesson I even try to teach my kids: every yes is a no to something else.
It’s not that they should say no to everything; it’s that they should think it
through.
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