Going beyond thoughts
If you can’t change a situation, change your
perception of it. That’s where your personal
power is. Either be controlled – or be in control.
Growing up, I lived in a somewhat racist neighbourhood. Put it this way: if I
wanted
to play outside, as kids did back then, I’d spend the first half-hour
fighting at least two or three kids. Eventually, I’d
be drawn to fight their
older brothers, too.
When they told me to go back to my own country, I was offended. This was
my country and it was my right to be able to play outside. I remember
thinking that no one should have the right to belittle me because of the colour
of my skin. This thought built up so much rage inside me that, although I
didn’t like fighting, I felt – ironically – that fighting was the only way I could
defend my freedom and create peace. Every time someone was racist towards
me, my automatic response was violence. My violence was born from anger,
which is a defence against pain. Yet I wasn’t
a violent person; I’d often
physically hurt kids and then right away I’d feel guilty and ask them if they
were okay.
But the notion of violence creating peace is a misconception we commonly
observe on the news today. When I won a fight, it only encouraged more
people to get involved. Soon enough, I stopped
playing outside because the
drama wasn’t worth it.
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Our brains are clever. They want to make life easy for us and to do as little
thinking as possible. (This might sound a little strange, especially if you’re a
chronic overthinker.) So the brain is optimized to make subconscious
decisions based on previous emotions attached to experiences. This autopilot
behaviour created by repetition allows us to move through our day without
having to relearn processes,
such as driving, and without having to think
through all the minutia of daily life.
However, since our subconscious mind has no awareness, it can unwittingly
hold us captive to unhealthy behaviour. The fact that I felt bad every time I
reacted violently to the abuse I was subjected to made me realize that
I
wasn’t
my reactions; I was conditioned to react like that by my past experiences, and
I didn’t question my reaction because I lacked awareness.
You are not your thoughts. You are
the witness of each thought.
By this principle, I never actually thought, ‘I am angry’; I was simply
aware
of this thought and emotion. By cultivating this awareness, we can learn to
make better decisions as to how to act.
How we perceive an event determines how we experience it.
Events are
neutral, but we give them labels. When a
bad
event happens, take a pause –
and then observe your thoughts. This is making the unconscious mind
conscious; replacing thought with awareness. Only once you notice your
thoughts can you make a choice as to how you respond. Meditation is a
powerful tool for honing this skill.
Look at any disempowering
thought as not really
you
and let it pass by. Or
select a more empowering thought. For example, if you’ve just lost your job,
you could focus on the thought that says you’re going to be unemployed and
broke, which will make you feel hopeless and lower your vibration. Or you
could focus on the opportunity to find a new job that pays more. The second
thought will make you feel better and raise your vibration.
This is the practice of living consciously: unlearning and reconditioning the
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mind so you can have more freedom to be who you really are. It’s not a quick
process, but with dedication it will allow you to shift from a cycle of negative
thinking to a new mode of positive thinking.
In short: rather than trying to control external events, concentrate on
controlling how your mind responds to them.
This gives you back your
personal power and is the key to a happy life.
Your goal isn’t to get rid of negative thoughts;
it’s to change your response to them.
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