hand under her chin – and
asked me her hard questions,
and for once I answered them well. I am not a liar of Amy’s
dazzling caliber, but I’m not bad when I have to be. I looked
like a man who loved his wife, who was shamed by his
infidelities and ready to do right.
The night before,
sleepless and nervy, I’d gone online and watched Hugh
Grant on Leno, 1995, apologizing to the nation for getting
lewd with a hooker. Stuttering, stammering, squirming as if
his skin were two sizes too small. But no excuses: ‘I think
you know in life what’s a good thing to do and what’s a bad
thing, and I did a bad thing … and there you have it.’ Damn,
the guy was good – he looked sheepish, nervous, so shaky
you wanted
to take his hand and say,
Buddy, it’s not that
big a deal, don’t beat yourself up
. Which was the effect I
was going for. I watched that clip so many times, I was in
danger of borrowing a British accent.
I was the ultimate hollow man:
the husband that Amy
always claimed couldn’t apologize finally did, using words
and emotions borrowed from an actor.
But it worked.
Sharon, I did a bad thing, an
unforgivable thing. I can’t make any excuses for it. I let
myself down – I’ve never thought of myself as a cheater.
It’s inexcusable, it’s unforgivable, and I just want Amy to
come home so I can spend the rest of my life making it up
to her, treating her how she deserves
.
Oh, I’d definitely like to treat her how she deserves.
But here’s the thing, Sharon: I did not kill Amy. I would
never hurt her. I think what’s happening here is what I’ve
been calling
[a chuckle]
in my mind the
Ellen Abbott
effect.
This embarrassing, irresponsible brand of journalism. We