Reminders of Him

Don’t you dare grant her wish yet, Scotty. I’ve known Ledger for all of
five months.
I pick up Diem and walk her back to the truck. “It takes more than a
wish to make a sibling.”
“I know. We have to buy an egg from Walmart. That’s how babies
grow.”
I buckle her into the booster seat. “Not exactly. Babies grow in their
mother’s tummies. Remember how I told you that you grew in my tummy?”
“Oh, yeah. Then can you grow another baby?”
I stare at Diem, not sure how to answer that. “How about we just get
another cat? Ivy needs a friend.”
Diem throws her hands in the air, excited. “Yes! Another kitten!”
I kiss her on the head and shut her door.
Ledger is side-eyeing me when I open the passenger door. He points to
the middle of the seat, so I scoot all the way over and buckle in. He grabs
my hand and threads our fingers together. He’s looking at me with a
glimmer in his eye, as if the idea of giving Diem a sibling excites him.
Ledger kisses me, and then he starts to drive.
For the first time in a long, long time, I want to listen to the radio. I
want to hear any song, even the sad ones. I lean forward and turn on the
radio. It’s the first time we’ve listened to anything in this truck other than
the safe playlist Ledger made me.
He glances at me when he realizes what I’ve done. I just smile at him
and lean against his shoulder.
Music still makes me think of Scotty, but thinking of Scotty no longer
makes me sad. Now that I’ve forgiven myself, the reminders of him only
make me smile.
e End

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EPILOGUE
Dear Scotty,
I’m sorry I hardly write to you anymore. I used to write
to you because I was lonely, so I guess it’s a good thing
the letters are few and far between now.
I still miss you. I’ll always miss you. But I’m
convinced that the holes you left behind are only holes
felt by us. Wherever you are, you’re complete. That’s
what matters.
Diem is growing so fast. She just turned seven. It’s
hard to wrap my mind around the idea that I wasn’t here
for the first five years of her life because it feels like I’ve
always been here. I’m sure that has a lot to do with
Ledger and your parents. They tell me stories about her
growing up and show me videos, so it sometimes seems
like I missed nothing at all.
I don’t know that Diem even remembers a life
without me in it. To her, I’ve always been here. I know
that’s because all the people who loved you gave her
everything she needed when you and I couldn’t be there.
She still lives with your parents, although I see her
every day. She stays with Ledger and me at least two
nights a week. She has her own bedroom at both houses.
We eat dinner together every night.
I’d love for her to live with me full time, but I also
know it’s important she keep the routine she’s had since
birth. And Patrick and Grace deserve to be the major
component in her life. I would never want to take that
from them.

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Since the day they accepted me into her life, I’ve
never felt unwelcome. Not for one day or even one
second. They didn’t accept me with conditions. They just
accepted me like I belong here with all the people who
loved you.
You were surrounded by good people, Scotty. From
your parents to your best friend to your best friend’s
parents, I have never met a family more loving.
The people that were in your life are now the people
who are in my life, and I’ll do everything I can to
continue to show them as much love and respect as you
gave them. I’ll treat each of my relationships with the
same level of significance and respect I give to the
naming process.
You know how seriously I take naming things. I
thought long and hard about what to name Diem when
she was born, and I even took three days to name Ivy.
The last name I handed out two weeks ago was by far
one of the more important ones, yet somehow the easiest
name to come up with.
When they placed our newborn son on my chest, I
looked down at him through teary eyes, and I said, “Hi,
Scotty.”
Love,
Kenna

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KENNA ROWAN’S PLAYLIST
1) “Raise Your Glass”—P!nk
2) “Dynamite”—BTS
3) “Happy”—Pharrell Williams
4) “Particle Man”—They Might Be Giants
5) “I’m Good”—The Mowgli’s
6) “Yellow Submarine”—The Beatles
7) “I’m Too Sexy”—Right Said Fred
8) “Can’t Stop the Feeling!”—Justin Timberlake
9) “Thunder”—Imagine Dragons
10) “Run the World (Girls)”—Beyoncé
11) “U Can’t Touch This”—MC Hammer
12) “Forgot About Dre”—Dr. Dre featuring Eminem
13) “Vacation”—Dirty Heads
14) “The Load Out”—Jackson Browne
15) “Stay”—Jackson Browne
16) “The King of Bedside Manor”—Barenaked Ladies
17) “Empire State of Mind”—JAY-Z
18) “Party in the U.S.A.”—Miley Cyrus
19) “Fucking Best Song Everrr”—Wallpaper.
20) “Shake It Off”—Taylor Swift
21) “Bang!”—AJR

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
You might have noticed there was never a location specified for where this
story actually takes place. I’ve never had this issue in a book—solidifying a
location for the characters. I just kept placing Kenna in different towns
while writing her story, and none of them felt right because they all felt
right.
There are people like Kenna everywhere, in every town. People who
feel alone in the world, no matter where they’re located. When I finished
the book, I realized I still didn’t pinpoint the exact setting, but the
ambiguity of where Kenna’s story unfolds somehow felt right. So this is
your permission to imagine this story takes place wherever you are in the
world. No matter how whole our neighbors appear on the outside, we have
no idea how many broken pieces they’re made up of on the inside.
Reading is a hobby, but for some of us, it’s an escape from the
difficulties we face. To all of you who escape into books, I want to thank
you for escaping into this one. But I also want to apologize for never being
able to write romantic comedies, no matter how much I try. I started this
one thinking it was going to be a romantic comedy, but obviously the
characters weren’t in the mood for that. Maybe next time.
I also want to thank those who read this book early and gave me such
helpful feedback: Pam, Laurie, Maria, Chelle, Brooke, Steph, Erica,
Lindsey, Dana, Susan, Stephanie, Melinda, and I’m sure there are more who
will read it and give me feedback after these acknowledgments are
submitted, so this is also a thank-you to those who help me out last minute
but don’t get the public credit.
And a huge thank-you to two sisters, Kenna and Rowan. I saw your
names in my reader group and stole them for this book because I thought
they’d make a great character name, so I hope I did your names justice!

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I want to thank my agent, Jane Dystel, and my foreign rights agent,
Lauren Abramo. You ladies and your team of coworkers are so attentive and
amazing and patient.
A huge thank-you to Montlake Publishing, Anh Schluep, Lindsey
Faber, Cheryl Weisman, Kristin Dwyer, Ashley Vanicek, and everyone else
who had a hand in the creation and distribution of this book. You guys have
been a dream to work with, and I appreciate the entire Montlake team so
much.
Thank you to my hype team, Stephanie and Erica.
Thank you, Lauren Levine, for believing in me. Always.
A huge thank-you to all the people who work so hard for the
Bookworm Box and Book Bonanza. The charity wouldn’t exist without any
of you.
Thank you to my sisters, Lin Reynolds and Murphy Fennell. You’re
both my favorite sisters.
Thank you to Murphy Rae and Jeremy Meerkreebs for answering my
early questions. Your advice resulted in the idea for this novel, so thank you
both!
To Heath, Levi, Cale, and Beckham. Thank you for treating me like a
queen. I’ve been gifted the best four men on the planet, world. Don’t @ me.
To my mother. Thank you for being my first and most enthusiastic
reader of every single book I write. Not sure most of them would get
finished if it weren’t for you.
Also, um, TikTok! What the heck? WHAT IN THE HECK? I don’t
even know what to say. Those of you on the BookTok side of that app have
helped not only my books reach new readers, but the books of so many
authors. Your love for reading has made new readers and has helped the
entire publishing industry in huge ways. It’s a beautiful thing to witness.
And lastly . . . thank you to the members of Colleen Hoover’s CoHorts
on Facebook. You guys brighten my day every day.
Thank you, world, and all who inhabit it!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR