Rewire Your Brain: Think Your Way to a Better Life



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Rewire Your Brain

mirror neurons
has shown that parts of your 
brain are acutely sensitive to the movements and intentions of others. 
Mirror neurons allow you to mirror another person, or to feel what 
he or she feels without even thinking about it. For example, when a 
friend yawns, have you ever found yourself yawning immediately 
afterward? Mirror neurons are essentially the brain - based explanation 
of empathy. 
In the story of how you helped at the Houston Astrodome after 
Hurricane Katrina, it was your mirror neurons that made you feel 
empathy for the evacuees. 
Mirror neurons give people the capacity to form relationships and 
to thrive from them. People with autism have few mirror neurons 
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or dysfunctional ones. It has recently been proposed that the mirror 
neuron system is actively involved in your relationship with yourself 
as well as with others. For example, when you volunteered at the 
soup kitchen at the Astrodome, you felt good about yourself when 
people thanked you. 
Some researchers have proposed that experiencing empathy 
and compassion through the mirror neuron system is equivalent to 
having compassion for yourself. Thus, “ giving is receiving ” is a brain -
based truth. Insensitivity and selfi shness are essentially bad for 
your brain and your mental health. In contrast, compassion and lov-
ing relationships are good for your brain and your mental health. 
The mirror neuron system has also been identifi ed as the part 
of the brain that is involved in mindfulness meditation and prayer. 
The calming and focused practice of mindfulness meditation or 
prayer wires the brain circuitry that promotes better health. 
Many neuroscientists have recently explored the effects of medi-
tation and prayer on the brain. Tibetan monks have been found to 
have rewired their brains from years of meditation practice. These 
monks were examined during certain types of meditation using 
functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), positron emission 
tomography (PET), and other techniques. Thanks to these studies, 
we have a picture of what is occurring in the meditating brain. We 
know that the mindful brain can promote health and well - being. You,
too, can benefi t by rewiring your brain through mindfulness. I will 
explain how this is done in chapter 9 .
FEED Your Brain 
Now that you have a better idea of how the brain works, let ’ s focus 
on a method of rewiring your brain that involves the following four 
steps: 

Focus

Effort

Effortlessness

Determination 
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To help you remember these steps, use the acronym FEED, as in 
feeding your brain. Now let ’ s examine each step in detail. 
Focus 
You need to pay attention to the situation, the new behavior, or the 
memory that you want to repeat or remember. Attention activates 
your frontal lobes, which ensure that other parts of the brain are also 
engaged. You may think of this step as the alert function. You can ’ t 
rewire your brain without opening the gate or initiating the change. 
Focus gets the ball rolling. 
Attention and the frontal lobes play important roles in neuroplas-
ticity. Think of the PFC as the brain ’ s brain: it helps to direct the 
resources to what is important. When you are on automatic pilot, 
such as when you are driving on a highway and talking to your friend 
in the passenger seat, your attention is directed to the conversation. 
The conversation is what you will remember, not the trees and the 
houses along the road. If, however, you talk about what you both 
notice on the highway, your attention has shifted and you will remem-
ber the physical details of the journey. If you talk about these details 
of the journey later, you ’ ll strengthen those memories. If you don ’ t 
discuss those details later — that is, direct your attention to them — the 
chances are that those memories will fade. 
Thus, simply focusing attention doesn ’ t ensure that your brain 
has been rewired. You focus on a hundred thousand experiences 
every day, and your brain can ’ t possibly remember all the things you 
experienced. Focus allows you to pay attention to what ’ s happening 
here and now, and this starts the process of neuroplasticity.
Effort 
Effort shifts your attention from perception to action. Making a 
focused effort activates your brain to establish new synaptic con-
nections. When you begin to make an effort, your brain uses a lot 
of glucose to learn something new. By observing PET scans, neu-
roscientists have amassed considerable information in the last two 
decades about what parts of the brain light up in the scan due to
glucose metabolism when someone is thinking or feeling something. 
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When you ’ re making an initial effort to do something, the area of 
your brain associated with that task shows up in the scan as being 
in use.
Effortlessness 
After a new behavior, thought, or feeling has been established, it 
takes less energy to keep it going. It ’ s like learning a new tennis 
swing or how to say hello in a new language. In the beginning, it 
takes focus, effort, and more energy in your brain, but after you 
make the swing or say hello enough times, it becomes effortless. 
Thus, to rewire your brain you ’ ll have to stay with the new behavior 
long enough to make it become fairly automatic. In time, practice 
will make it effortless. Your brain won ’ t have to work as hard once 
you reach this level. 
The body and the brain follow natural laws, and the natural law 
that applies to the concept of effortlessness is called the Law of the 
Conservation of Energy. This means that the things that happen 
are usually things that happen easily. For example, all water fl ows 
downhill. The deeper the creek, the more water fl ows in it. The 
same is true for your brain: the more you use certain brain cells 
together, the more you will use them together in the future. 
As PET scans illustrate, when a person becomes more profi cient 
in a particular skill, the brain region associated with that skill labors 
less. This illustrates the fundamental principle of effi ciency: what 
comes easily will be repeated because it ’ s easy. 
Once you have developed a pattern — the tennis swing or say-
ing hello in French with the right amount of infl ection — it will 
become easier to do the next time you try. What if you stop doing it, 
however? If you haven ’ t played tennis in ten years, you won ’ t swing 
as well immediately. If you go to France ten years after taking a class 
in French, you won ’ t be as fl uent as you were in the class (unless, 
of course, you have practiced in the meantime). You have to do the 
activity often to retain the ability. You ’ ll certainly play tennis bet-
ter than if you never played before, or your French will come back 
more quickly, but if you practice doing these things, your brain will 
remain wired to perform them effortlessly.
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Determination 
The fi nal step in feeding your brain is staying in practice. Do the 
activity again and again. Being determined in this way need not 
be tiring and painful. If you practice the other three steps in feeding 
your brain, by the time you get to this one, it should come easily. 
That ’ s because effortlessness precedes it. Thus, determination sim-
ply means that you stay in practice. By being determined, you ’ ll 
complete the feeding process to rewire your brain. 
Now that you know the four basic steps or principles, we ’ ll look 
at how you can apply them in your daily life. In chapter 2 , we ’ ll 
discuss dealing with anxious feelings, needless worries, or just plain 
fear, and in chapter 3 we ’ ll address how you can avoid feeling down 
in the dumps. 
The story below illustrates how important it is to make a com-
mitment to take an active role in rewiring your brain. This is not 
like simply learning a new trick; it requires the process we have 
described as feeding your brain.
Marlee Feeds Her Brain 
Marlee came to see me, complaining that she was fed up with being 
moody and “ always feeling out of sorts. ” She said that she tended 
to be irritable and easily stressed, and when she started to feel that 
way, it was hard to shake it. 
“ I want to be positive and enjoy my life like everyone else, ” she 
said, shaking her head woefully. “ I heard that you know how to 
rewire people ’ s brains. Please rewire mine. ”
“ Are you willing to do the work that it will take to change your 
brain? ” I asked. 
“ Why can ’ t you do whatever it is that you do? ” she insisted. “ I ’ m 
tired of trying all these gimmicks that are supposed to work but 
never do. ”
“ When you try something new, how long do you stay with it? ”
I probed. 
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“ Long enough to know that it doesn ’ t work, ” she stated matter -
of - factly. 
I gently prodded her for a clear answer of how long. 
“ A day or two is enough to know, ” she said, as if that confi rmed 
her strong effort. 
I explained that for neuroplasticity to work, especially for mood -
related issues, she would have to stay with the new behavior until 
it became effortless to do it. “ You must practice doing it until it 
becomes a new habit, ” I told her. “ The key is that you need to 
get started. Usually, that means doing what you don ’ t feel like doing 
and continue doing it until it becomes easy. ”
“ You mean forcing myself to do something against my nature? ”
she asked incredulously. “ Isn ’ t that unnatural? ”
“ Actually, it ’ s very natural, ” I answered. “ That ’ s how you learn new 
skills. When you study for a test you go over material repeatedly 
until it ’ s not hard to remember it. ”
“ I just crammed the night before and it worked just fi ne, ” Marlee 
informed me. “ I passed the courses. That ’ s all I cared about. ”
“ Do you remember the subject matter now? ” I asked. She shook 
her head no. I invited her to pick a habit that she wanted to break. 
“ My family would say it ’ s my irritability, ” she admitted. 
“ Do you feel bad about it? ” I wanted to know. 
“ When it happens, it seems as if they deserve what I say to them, ”
she noted. “ Only later does it become obvious that I was shooting 
my mouth off and they didn ’ t deserve it. ”
“ It ’ s important to establish that it ’ s
you
who really wants to 
change and not just that your family wants you to, ” I emphasized. 
Motivation is a very critical component of neuroplasticity. You can ’ t 
change unless
you
really want to change. A passive effort just won ’ t 
work. The activation of the PFC, the brain ’ s brain, marshals all the 
resources. 
“ Yes. I ’ m sick of myself like this, ” she said solemnly. “ I ’ m ready to 
do something. ”
“ Let ’ s start at the point at which you feel the impulse to say some-
thing, ” I instructed. “ That ’ s when we want to interrupt your impulse. 
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22 Rew i r e
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You say something before you allow yourself the time to think fi rst 
and then do something else. ”
The fi rst step for Marlee was to stop what she was doing and
focus
her attention on the moment before she reacted impulsively. A time -
out step like this is used in anger management classes, yet here the 
task is to go further and focus on being an observer who is detached 
from the immediacy of the emotional reaction. This allows the PFC 
to gain better inhibitory control over the amygdala - driven emotional 
reactions. Marlee ’ s PFC had to develop better adaptive strategies in 
order to draw attention to what she was angry about rather than the 
way she expressed her anger. 
Next, Marlee needed to make an
effort
to do something differ-
ent from her usual impulsive verbal comment. She had to act in 
a way that was different from her usual irritable manner in which 
she spoke fi rst and thought later. She needed to learn to think fi rst 
and speak later. 
Marlee needed to repeat this effort enough times so that she even-
tually found it

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