Suicide Notes

gone.” That’s what he’d said.
“What do you mean?” I asked him. “You mean she left.”
“Last night,” he said. “You heard the screaming, right?”
“But that was Martha,” I said. “Moon Face said it was Martha.”
He nodded. “It was Martha,” he said.
“She had a bad dream,” I said.
Cat Poop actually took off his glasses. It was the first time he’s ever
done that, and it made him look naked. Naked and tired. Then I realized that
he hadn’t shaved. It was like he’d been up all night. He rubbed his eyes for
a minute before talking again.
“Martha went to Sadie’s room,” he said. “I imagine she did have a bad
dream and wanted to be comforted. She found Sadie.”
“Found her what?” I asked him, not understanding.
He shook his head. “Dead,” he said. Flat. Just like that. “She found
Sadie dead.”
I laughed. I know it sounds weird, but I did. “You’re kidding,” I said.
“You’d better be kidding. Because Sadie is not dead. She’s waiting to have
breakfast with me. It’s pancake day.”
“I’m sorry,” said Cat Poop. “I know this is very difficult for you to hear
and accept, particularly under the circumstances. And I wouldn’t have told
you now, but—”
“Under the circumstances?” I said. Then I started laughing again. I don’t
know why. It just started pouring out of me, this loud laughter. Like some
kind of crazy clown. I don’t think I was even thinking anything. I was just
laughing.
And then it turned into crying. I was crying. Just bawling my eyes out.
Then the next thing I know, Cat Poop was beside me. He actually hugged
me. And I let him. I let him hug me while I bawled. I still didn’t believe him
about Sadie. But I cried anyway. After a while I didn’t even know why I

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was crying. I didn’t know if it was because of the Rankin thing or the Sadie
thing or the Jeff thing. And it didn’t matter. It just felt good.
I don’t know how long I cried, but it felt like a hundred hours. I think